He loves you? He loves you not?

He's dated his fair share of women and has always enjoyed keeping his options open,but lately there's this one woman that has him wondering if she’s ‘the one.’ Here are the ways to know if you are ‘the one

He starts thinking about the future and you are in it 

It used to be that the future with a woman meant his date on Saturday night, but with you, the future seems infinite. Not only does he plan to see you this weekend, but he wants to see you a year from now as well. 

Other priorities take a back seat 
He used to train religiously, but lately, if you are free for dinner, he doesn’t mind missing a workout. His workaholic tendency of bringing work home at weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to him lately. 

He doesn’t mind compromising sometimes 
There was a time when it was his way, but with you it’s different. Not that you ask him to, but he doesn't mind missing a night out with the lads to be with you. And he finds himself trying to incorporate you into his plans or altering them to accommodate you. 

He loves spending time with you 
This one is obvious but important nonetheless. He looks forward to seeing you, and doesn’t care much about what the two of them will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with you sounds like the best way he could spend an evening. 

He doesn't notice other women as much 
Did he see that gorgeous babe who just walked by? ‘No’? Although he can’t help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when he’s in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to you. Furthermore, he doesn't seem to be flirting half as much as he used to. 

You share a great chemistry 
He can’t be in love with someone that he has no chemistry with. If he seems to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that’s a great sign. If you also generate enough heat to set off a fivealarm fire bell, then you are probably someone that he could fall in love with, if you aren't there already. 

He finds your quirks charming 
The fact that you carry your passport with you everywhere you go - just in case. You say things that make you different, and he likes it. He can't quite put his finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. He likes you just the way you are. 

He cares about you 
There is a reason why he doesn't really want to know too much about the girl he had a one-night stand with - he didn't love her. When he's in love with a woman, he wants to know all about her - who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. He truly cares about her and his feelings. 

He can't stop thinking about you 
Instead, he is consumed by thoughts of you. You just pop into his head for no apparent reason, and he wonders if you think of him half as much as he thinks of you. He wonders what you are up to and even considers calling you. 

He's forgotten his ex 
More often than not, a break-up is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about his ex and wondering whether or not he made the right decision in going their separate ways. Depending on how long the two of them were together, these doubts can resurface again and again. Ever since he met you, the thought of getting back together with his ex is the farthest thing from his mind.

Relationship trends 2008....................

Ever wondered what is the passion mantra of couples who keep throwing suggestive glances at each other at social dos?

Well, they don't actually possess any magical potion, but keep their love quotient strong by making an extra effort to spice up their love formula. 

Today's hectic lifestyle demands more of everything - more money, more education and more efforts to keep the sparks alive in your relationship. We have heard about sensual lingerie, exotic aroma oils and aphrodisiacs; but there are a lot of other uncharted elements left to explore. 

We bring you the much-talked about relationship trends of 2008, which sometimes surprised and sometimes affirmed the age-old love beliefs... 

Live-ins: More girl power? 
The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act was amended to include protection for live-in partners from abuse. This time, the National Commission for Women has recommended that other sections of the law be changed to give greater protection to live-in partners in case their men leave them without any financial support. 

They have recommended that a live-in partner get maintenance if she can produce sufficient evidence of a 'long-term' relationship, and her status is at par with that of a wife. They have also recommended that adultery should no longer be grounds for denying maintenance. 

Intelligent men get the best sex 
When it comes to picking up a bed-mate, women prefer intelligent men to dumb jocks, according to a new study of hundreds of university students. The research led by Mark Prokosch, an evolutionary psychologist at Elon University in North Carolina suggests that women looking for both one-night stands and long-term relationships go for good looking and intelligent men. "Women want the best of both worlds. 

Not only a physically attractive man, but somebody in the long term who can provide for them," New Scientist quoted Prokosch, as saying. 

'Foreplay may be overrated' 
According to a study conducted on 2,360 Czech women, the act of foreplay is overrated. The study claims that when it comes to the likelihood of having an orgasm, foreplay has little or no significance. The research's findings suggest that sex therapists, who emphasise the value of foreplay, may have that been getting it wrong. 

However, if legends like Vatsayan are to be believed, for a sexual intercourse to be a perfect experience, a prolonged and sensual foreplay is most important. Since time immemorial, tales of making love have abounded with instances of immaculate foreplay that is considered to be the most fundamental part of best sex. 

Intimacy rules men's sex lives 
'Closeness' and 'intimacy' are the most valuable things in the sex lives of men, according to a global study. The survey involved more than 1,000 committed couples aged in mid-life or older, from the US, Spain, Japan, Germany and Brazil, reports the NZPA. They were asked about the importance of their relationship, sexual behaviour and the role of sex in the health and life satisfaction of men and women, independently. And men returned stereotype-busting results on the question of what they derived from sex.

Awkward sex encounters.................

When was the last time your boss walked in while you were all heated down under? Got scathing comments from your dad about your last night mushy talks with your beloved?

Or a curious auntyji caught you crossing limits under the staircase? Admit it, for it's something that's bound to happen. All of us have faced embarrassing sex moments that we would ideally like to forget. 

"Don't fret about imperfect moments in your sex life; just rejoice and hold your lover tight. Your ability to deal with embarrassing situations reflects the strength of your relationship. Real understanding is about being able to feel at ease with each other in awkward circumstances as well. Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac and the thrill can last a lifetime," explains Renu Rai, a psychatrist. 

We bring you a list of the most awkward sexual encounters and the ways you can avoid being caught... 

Your mom cancels her trip and comes back home : Ravi Sharma, a student, shares his experience, "My ex and I had planned for a steamy night once my parents left for an official trip abroad for three days. I wanted to make her feel special. My parent's bedroom was the spacious one, so I lit it up with candles and scented oils to create the perfect ambience for sex. In the attached bathroom, I prepared for a hot bubble bath together. The afternoon my parents left, my ex and I were in an over-the-session. We were busy in the bathroom when my mom and my aunt walked in on us in a compromising position. We were caught in an embarrassing embrace. My ex ran out with whatever clothes she could find, but post the episode my parents did not speak to me for four months." 

Expert talk : Pschologist, Poornima Sahni advises, "It's natural for young lovers to indulge in such activities in the heat of the moment. However, if you are caught, it is difficult to get over the shock. What is important is to keep in mind that when you are caught by your parents, they experience the same kind of disillusionment as you. So it is important to talk it out with your family in a free and frank manner. Initially there would be a lot of anger, but your persistence would pay off after sometime." 

Dad overhears your phone sex : Sandhya Singh, a call centre executive, speaks about the time when she was caught getting hot and dirty over the phone by her father. "I thought everyone at my home was asleep. So when my boyfriend called, I started talking to him and we were actually being quite explicit. Unfortunately my dad chose that moment to get up for a drink of water. And I never realised that he was overhearing our candid conversation, until he made some sound to alert me about his presence. I just wanted to die that very moment." 

Expert talk : According to Sahni, phone sex isn't a good idea. "Having phone sex can be quite thrilling, but you are making yourself vulnerable to a lot of things. It's not just about your parents, but about your dignity. The guy/girl you are talking to may just record the conversation and circulate it amongst their peers. So in that case it's just not about you, but also about your family. And most likely your parents are bothered about that more. So, its best to use a little thought before doing these things."

Intimacy in office,...............(Romance at workplace? Watch out!)

In a bid to climb the corporate ladder and get ahead in the 'rat race', new age executives spend a lot of time at work than at home. Most workplaces have emerged as a 'second home' and thus even as an 'unofficial' dating destination.

Office romance may seem to be thrilling and even bring back the zing into your dull and monotonous life at times, but how smart is it to display your affection at the workplace? Whether it is a man/woman you are dating or your spouse who is working in the same organisation, where should you draw the line? Can office romances also affect your career? We explore... 

· Ruining work place ethics? 
Acknowledging that it is normal to get attracted to a colleague, most offices do not view dating as non-permissible. However, a vast majority of companies have a stringent policy disallowing spouses to work in the same organisation. So, before you get romantically involved at the workplace, it's essential to know your company's policies regarding the same. 

So if you thought public display of affection was alright at the workplace, think again. Harsha Choubey (name changed on request) , a human resource professional working in Noida relates, "We have often received complaints of a couple who were spotted cuddling and smooching in the isolated areas of the office. Despite several warnings, they didn't take it seriously. We were left with no choice but to sack them for not adhering to the work place ethics." 

"Our company has a policy which doesn't allow spouses to work in the same organisation as there are chances of confidential information being leaked out or the code of conduct being violated. We have occasionally come across complaints of employees indulging in undesirable activities at the workplace. In minor cases, we usually warn employees to refrain from such activities within the office premises and in extreme cases we need to fire the employees," says Reena Agarwal, a human resource professional with a multi-national company in Delhi. 

· Prioritising is vital 
If you don't want your love life to get in the way of your career goals, it's important to prioritise between work and romance. Often, flings at the workplace are a major source of distraction and may even hamper your career. So, don't let your love life take a toll on your career or keep you from meeting deadlines and attending important tasks. You can be friendly with your partner at the workplace, and have other friends too, without putting yourself or your job in jeopardy. 

Suresh Sinha (name changed on request), head of a leading manufacturing firm in Mumbai adds, "My subordinate was having an affair with a girl in the same office. He was an outstanding performer when he had joined. Eventually, he started ignoring work and missing deadlines. I personally tried to explain to him not to let his personal life hamper with his career, but it didn't help much. I firmly believe that office is a place to work and not a dating club. Even if you do, it shouldn't come in the way of your professional commitments." 

Vikram Prasad (29) could not agree more, "I was working as a sales manager in Pune a few years ago and going steady with a girl from the same office. We were together for two years before we broke up. I was shattered and uncomfortable being around her in the same office. My friends in office who knew about our relationship were inquisitive about why we broke up and kept asking me embarassing questions. The girls also started bad mouthing me openly. These incidents made my life miserable." Prasad soon moved base to Mumbai and settled down for a lesser paying job to get rid of the situation.

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Decode your lover's body language..............

No matter where you bump into your eye candy - at a friend's house, at a bar, a restaurant or even in the midst of a crowded market, the questions remain the same: "What on Earth is he/she thinking? Does he/she really like me? Do I stand a chance?"

But do you know that men and women both are pre-programmed to send out physical clues when they're interested in the opposite sex? A huge advantage of becoming aware of your love interest's body language is that you can now read her mind and predict their next move. Here's how you can understand body language clues... 

Her Body 
Eye Contact : It all starts with an eye lock, doesn't it? Eyes telegraph unspoken messages and the female species definitely knows how to use this part of their body to their advantage. "I use this trick when I want to attract a guy's attention and no matter how clichéd it sounds, this trick always works!" says Sunaina Sharma, a student. "My first interaction with my wife started through eye contact. She was sitting with her friends on a staircase in college and I was a newcomer. It won't be wrong to say that she literally used her eyes as weapons to trap the prey (me)!" shares Prabhu a corporate executive. 

Hot tip : "An eye contact can vary from curiosity, cool assessment to a coy interest in someone. When a girl makes eye contact that lasts longer than a furtive glance, it is a positive move on her part. If a girl looks deeply into a guy's eyes, she's telling him that he's the most charming person in the room. However, a full frontal stare is risky. It may come across as too bold to those men who get freaked out by direct behavior by a woman," says Dr. Upadhyaya. 

Exposing : Yes, we know that most women love indulging in skin show, but here we're talking about a particular area: their long and smooth neck. "There was a girl in my office who was infamous for indulging in sex talks with male colleagues. She would always sit with her hair on one side of her shoulder, revealing her slender and perfumed neck. In fact, some of her friends told me once that she purposely did this as she felt it made her look sexy and was a nice way of luring someone for dirty talks," reveals Shailja Thakur, a business analyst. 

Hot tip : "When you're reading a woman's body gestures, observe if she tosses her hair over one shoulder frequently. If your answer is in the affirmative, then be assured that the lady has fallen hard for you," says Dr. Akhouri. "It's an indirect act of submission and it not only exposes your neck, but also screams for attention," he adds. 

Leg Crossing : The next time you get the chance to sit with your eye candy, observe her leg movements very carefully. While crossing her legs, if her top leg always points in your direction, treat it as a win-win situation. "I personally feel that a woman's whole personality changes as soon as she crosses her legs... it creates a goddess-like aura around her. On my last date, the girl sat with her legs crossed sexily all through the date and occasionally rubbed her thighs. Not only did I got broad hints, but it also was a big turn on for me," says Manu Vohra, a marketing manager. 

Hot tip : According to Dr. Upadhyaya., "Leg crossing is suggestive of a nervous or provocative gesture. Often, woman can't help crossing their legs in front of the guy they have the hots for. It is a subconscious gesture that clearly says a man is getting on to her."

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Play a seductress for your man!

Seducing your man is only just about any one principle. More than your technique of seduction, it's your attitude that makes the final cutWhat all you really need is to be able to arrest his attention and his body is all yours. You need not be a hot babe to seduce your guy, just try to keep your approach right.

To make your man desire you, remember that actions speak more than words, so let your body do the talking and your man will definitely skip a heartbeat seeing you in your new avatar. 

Take the lead 
Men love to be dominated in bed. So if not always, then once in a while take up the task of leading the action in bed and initiating the intimacy. If your guy loves to see your wild side then there is no better way than this technique. 

Neha Tyagi, a house wife says, "I gave my man a surprise call in office and in a passionate voice I whispered that a sexy surprise awaited him at night at home. Then I left a note at the doorstep which declared, 'beware of the tigress' that I wanted him to find minutes before he stepped into the main doorway. I slipped into some revealing, lacy lingerie and lit up the bedroom using fragrant candles, rose petals and some instrumental music. Already expectant with the hints that I had dropped throughout the day, he entered the bedroom with a lot of expectations. My killing looks, a heady embrace and a wet kiss left him breathless and raring to go. I was pleasantly surprised to see my man enjoy me take the lead even in foreplay as I blind-folded him and seduced him." 

Sexual chemistry is a vital element of any healthy relationship and it's not always fair to blame your male companion for not putting in enough efforts and being unadventurous. Sudhanshu Kapoor, a banker says, "Men usually take care of their partner's pleasure, but it should be the same for the fairer sex. If we talk about equality in all spheres of life, what's the problem if we expect our partners to be adventurous in bed?" 

Expert Tip: Dr Sameer Parikh, psychiatrist opines, "Most of the men look forward to a women who is a perfect blend of a tigress and a kitten. You have to learn to manipulate the imagination of your man. Men are really fond of women who are self confident seductress, who know what they want and how to get it. The idea is not to reach an orgasm only but to attain a feeling of contentment. That can only be done by taking care of your partner's needs." 

Massage message 
After a stressful day in office, lovemaking maybe the last thing on your guys' mind. And if he does indulge in sex, it may be more of a physical routine for him that may leave you high and dry. If you expect an exciting foreplay session before sex, then your man also deserves to be pampered.

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Why Womans Cheat ?.... ( It's not just a man's world )

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We no longer live in an age where women still have to remain faithful to their husbands, despite atrocities being committed against them.

Today’s woman has changed with the times, and so has her definition of a successful relationship as she is open to finding love outside her marriage. Let’s get down to the statistics. A recent UK-based survey revealed that women are cheating more today than ever before. One in five married women has had a fling, the highest number ever recorded.

Shocking, isn’t it? Well, it’s no longer just a man’s ‘prerogative’. While it’s not something to be condoned, women no longer embrace the likes of Hillary Clinton, who became the symbol of a long-suffering married woman everywhere when she stood by her man... twice. But these days, when a woman feels dissatisfied in her relationship, she doesn’t just suck it up and complain to her friends while shedding copious tears, she goes out and gets herself some! Is this because the woman of today is more independent financially and is far more educated and worldlywise than her counterpart of a generation ago?

Psychologist and marriage counsellor Shymala Bhadran says that women need to feel loved and respected, otherwise, like men, they will look for it outside the relationship. “If there’s a failure to communicate – which is so reinforcing to women in terms of intimacy, emotional satisfaction and relationship satisfaction – then women look outside the relationship for that kind of connection. This is the most common reason women cheat. When you’re unhappy or dissatisfied in your relationship, you’re more likely to be tempted to look elsewhere,” says she.

So, is this the only reason? Why are more women having affairs than ever before? One could argue that more women are in the workforce today and have social lives beyond the confines of the home. The job, gym, business meetings, work-related travel, and the internet are all breeding grounds for infidelity.

Model Neeraj Anand agrees. Says he, “Today’s woman has a number of avenues where she can meet an interesting man. Earlier, women depended on their spouses for security of all kinds, financial or otherwise. Things have changed now. Many women make just as much or more than their spouses and don’t depend on them for survival. And, many women today are choosing to have children later, or not at all, and don’t have little ones to consider if they opt to test the waters outside an unfulfilling marriage. It’s not a matter of pride, but it’s no longer a man’s prerogative alone.”

Says Minnie Menon, a socialite and columnist, “Today’s woman is more sexually liberated. It stems from the confidence that financial independence infuses. Open marriages are on the rise. As it is said in the popular sitcom Sex And The City , ‘Women must learn to have sex like a man’.”

Ahalya Menon did the unthinkable in her conservative family when she chose to look for satisfaction outside her marriage. “I do not regret what I did,” says Ahalya. Ask her why and she says, “My husband worked out of the country for the longest time and even his visits to India were short and infrequent. When he came here, we would be physical at best but there was no emotional connection. I spoke to him about this and even urged him to get counselling with me, but he said it was a figment of my imagination. I felt unloved, uncared for and totally strained by a dead marriage. Trust me though, it was not a physical void alone, he just couldn’t meet my emotional needs. I cheated on him with one of my colleagues, and then confessed to him. Initially, I felt miserable, but when I got to know that he was having his own fun on the side, we decided to part ways.”

So, it seems that it’s not so much the independence and financial freedom, as much as the change in mindset. Women consider themselves at par with their male counterparts and have the same opportunities to cheat as guys always did – and are doing so.

The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment.............

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We live in the age of distraction. Yet one of life's sharpest paradoxes is that your brightest future hinges on your ability to pay attention to the present. 

By: Jay Dixit

A friend was walking in the desert when he found the telephone to God. The setting was Burning Man, an electronic arts and music festival for which 50,000 people descend on Black Rock City, Nevada, for eight days of "radical self-expression"—dancing, socializing, meditating, and debauchery. 

A phone booth in the middle of the desert with a sign that said "Talk to God" was a surreal sight even at Burning Man. The idea was that you picked up the phone, and God—or someone claiming to be God—would be at the other end to ease your pain. 

So when God came on the line asking how he could help, my friend was ready. "How can I live more in the moment?" he asked. Too often, he felt, the beautiful moments of his life were drowned out by a cacophony of self-consciousness and anxiety. What could he do to hush the buzzing of his mind? 

"Breathe," replied a soothing male voice.

My friend flinched at the tired new-age mantra, then reminded himself to keep an open mind. When God talks, you listen.

"Whenever you feel anxious about your future or your past, just breathe," continued God. "Try it with me a few times right now. Breathe in… breathe out." And despite himself, my friend began to relax.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Life unfolds in the present. But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized, and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and ruminate about what's past. "We're living in a world that contributes in a major way to mental fragmentation, disintegration, distraction, decoherence," says Buddhist scholar B. Alan Wallace. We're always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm. 

When we're at work, we fantasize about being on vacation; on vacation, we worry about the work piling up on our desks. We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don't appreciate the living present because our "monkey minds," as Buddhists call them, vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree. 

Most of us don't undertake our thoughts in awareness. Rather, our thoughts control us. "Ordinary thoughts course through our mind like a deafening waterfall," writes Jon Kabat-Zinn, the biomedical scientist who introduced meditation into mainstream medicine. In order to feel more in control of our minds and our lives, to find the sense of balance that eludes us, we need to step out of this current, to pause, and, as Kabat-Zinn puts it, to "rest in stillness—to stop doing and focus on just being." 

We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience.

Cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of the present bestows a host of benefits. Mindfulness reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, reduces chronic pain, lowers blood pressure, and helps patients cope with cancer. By alleviating stress, spending a few minutes a day actively focusing on living in the moment reduces the risk of heart disease. Mindfulness may even slow the progression of HIV.

Living in the moment involves a profound paradox: You can't pursue it for its benefits. That's because the expectation of reward launches a future-oriented mindset, which subverts the entire process. Instead, you just have to trust that the rewards will come. There are many paths to mindfulness—and at the core of each is a paradox. Ironically, letting go of what you want is the only way to get it. Here are a few tricks to help you along.

1: To improve your performance, stop thinking about it (unselfconsciousness).

2: To avoid worrying about the future, focus on the present (savoring).

3: If you want a future with your significant other, inhabit the present (breathe).

4: To make the most of time, lose track of it (flow).

5: If something is bothering you, move toward it rather than away from it (acceptance).

6: Know that you don't know (engagement).

[ For more Got to the source site and read whole arctice ]

How To Fight—and How Not To

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Learning to argue productively will keep you from damaging your relationships with loved ones. 

By: Kathleen McGowan

When you get right down to it, most arguments follow a pattern that's all too familiar. Boiled down, the essence of many quarrels goes something like this: I'm right. You're wrong. And I absolutely positively will not back down or change the subject until you admit it. 

So many arguments are so pointless. They start over something small and dumb: He forgot to pick up milk on the way home. She criticized him in front of his mother. He made plans without asking her first. 

But they quickly escalate: You never listen to me. You're inconsiderate. You're mean. You're a loser. 

In the midst of one of these arguments, you often find yourself demanding that your partner agree with you, insisting that she accept your interpretation of the facts, relentlessly pushing your point. 

It's mindless, it's not going to work, and you know it. But you can't stop.

At the moment, it seems absolutely unacceptable that this other person—whether it's a mother, a husband or a best friend—disagrees. It's an outgrowth of the basic need that we all have to be close to and understood by the people we love the most, says psychologist Anthony Wolf, Ph.D. During arguments, that feeling can get out of control. 

Arguments aren't inherently bad. Conflict is often how we sort out what we really want from what we're willing to compromise on. In good arguments, the terms may not exactly be kind and gentle, the language not always respectful and there may not be closure, but the argument has a beginning and an end. 

Stupid arguments are something else. They take the shape of loops, endlessly replaying the conflicts in your relationship without resolving them, says Wolf, author of Why Can't You Shut Up?: How We Ruin Relationships—And How Not To. In the heat of the moment, the subject of the argument leaps from the original disagreement over how you parked the car to some global indictment of how selfish you are to how you're just like your mother. 

Winning the argument becomes the most important thing in the world. At that point, we'll say anything—even when it's mean, humiliating and damaging to the relationship.

How can you get out of this cycle? First, you have to recognize the number one warning sign: The feeling that you absolutely must get your partner to see it your way. "The feeling is, 'I can't shut up, I can't move on, and I can't leave it,'" says Wolf. "Recognizing that feeling and giving it a label allows you to be able to step outside of it." It comes from an irrational but powerful fear of being alone—of being misunderstood or abandoned by people we count on the most. 

When you start to feel that you must at all costs get the other person to agree with you, you know you must stop arguing. Follow these guidelines: 
Think: Is there anything that could be gained from the argument at this point? If the answer is no, it's time to stop talking, no matter how angry you are. 
Don't repeat yourself. Making your point once is much more powerful than repeating it over and over again. This applies in work situations too. Think of yourself like a lawyer presenting a brief. Say what you think, then keep your mouth shut. "Anything further that you say at this point is going to screw up your best chance at a good outcome," says Wolf. 
Don't respond to retorts that are designed to make you angry. Ignore them. If your partner or father or friend baits you by saying something like: "You're just like your mother" or "You always say that!" recognize it for what it is and tune it out. 
When you hand out advice, don't require the other person to recognize it as the most brilliant suggestion ever. Just say it and move on. 

Above all, get used to the idea that the best outcome of an argument is that it ends. Don't cling to the unrealistic expectation that you'll be able to resolve the problem or get the other person to see it your way. Conciliation doesn't happen when two people are face to face, says Wolf. It happens in your own head, hours or days after the fight. 

Maybe you'll be able to resolve the issue a couple of weeks later, when the feelings have died down. But many arguments never to do get settled. That's normal. "In the best relationships, there remain serious pockets of unresolved bitterness," says Wolf. Learning how to argue—and learning how to stop—will prevent these disagreements from damaging your relationship.

Decoding female body language!..............

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You are at a friend's wedding. You suddenly notice the most beautiful girl you've ever laid eyes on. She notices you too. You move closer with a drink in your hand. She tosses her hair and crosses her legs. Is there a chance she's sending you a sign?

For most individuals, 70 per cent of communication is non-verbal. Especially women mostly lend out most of their emotional cues through her body language and if you can read these signs, there's a high chance you can save yourself from potential embarrassment and ego devastation if you simply decode her body language. 

"The biggest issue most guys have about asking a woman for a date is about their own self-confidence; their fear of being rejected. The moment a woman turns down a man, his male ego is ruined to pieces. Though most men love to believe that women are confusing while revealing their love interest, the fact remains that women are experts at giving subtle indications. So, the onus of cracking these indications lie on the men," explains relationship expert Rajvardhan Vats. 

Here are some sure shot ways to figure out whether your lady is waiting for you to ask her out... 

Does she keep bumping into you? 

"Raima and I were in the same office. She used to put in a lot of effort so that I noticed her sometimes on the way to the restroom or in the corridors. She deliberately used to pass by where I was seated, though the restrooms were nowhere near me. Somehow, our timings matched so much that I use to find her in the canteen, at the coffee machine, in the parking lot; needless to say this was all planned by her. This was a very clear and open invite, I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out for a dinner date one day and her eagerness shocked me," chuckles Manish Sharma married to Raima since the past two years. 

Hot Tip: If you suddenly start finding your girl just about everywhere, chances are that she is thinking ahead to make sure she runs into you. It's only a matter of time before your eyes meet. What she's doing is trying hard to make you observe her and give you a chance to make that vital first move. However, the trouble with this 'she-approach' is that men are sometimes ignorant about what's going on in a woman's mind space and as a result, they let pass a lot of chance. So, the next time a woman starts appearing frequently in your way, be observant, for she is most likely doing it on purpose. 

She makes all the right moves 
Believe it or not, but non-verbal flirting gestures flow freely when a woman is interested in a man. Such signals may range from her pointing in your direction with her foot or shoulders, tossing her hair to mirroring your body movements. 

Hot Tip: Communication specialist Heer Wadhera explains, "If a female licks her lips while talking to you, she is sending out a clear signal that she is actually looking forward to something more than just talking to you. Similarly, if your girl plays with her jewellery, strokes her glass or freezes her eyes on you while talking, she is anticipating a date invite." 

Adds Vinay Sood, a creative manager at an advertising agency, "Observe the way she looks at you. If she looks at you when you are not looking at her and turns her gaze away when you make eye contact, she is very much interested in you. A warm smile is also a sure shot open invitation and an indication that she is open to cultivating a deep friendship with you." If you become conscious of such signals, you can be sure whether or not your love interest is ready for your proposal.

Men better at sighting infidelities..................

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Unfaithful women better watch out, for according to a new research, men are better at detecting a cheating partner than females, and they're more likely to suspect infidelities that don't exist.

Scientists found that men were able to spot a cheating heart in more than nine out of ten cases. They were also more likely to catch out their partner's lies than women. 

The flip side is that to counter this constant vigilance, women may be better than men at concealing illicit liaisons. 

Paul Andrews at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond and colleagues gave 203 young heterosexual couples confidential questionnaires asking them whether they had ever strayed, and whether they suspected or knew their partner had strayed. In this, 29 per cent of men said they had cheated, compared with 18.5 per cent of women. The men were better than women at judging fidelity. "Eighty per cent of women's inferences about fidelity or infidelity were correct, but men were even better, accurate 94 per cent of the time," says Andrews. 

They were also more likely to catch out a cheating partner, detecting 75 per cent of the reported infidelities compared with 41 per cent discovered by women. However, men were also more likely to suspect infidelity when there was none. 

Andrews says this makes evolutionary sense because unlike women, men can never be certain a baby is theirs. He said: "Men have far more at stake. When a female partner is unfaithful, a man may himself lose the opportunity to reproduce, and find himself investing his resources in raising the offspring of another man." This adds to the evidence that men have evolved defences to detect their partner's infidelity," says David Buss at the University of Texas, Austin. 

He adds that it demonstrates a "fascinating cognitive bias that leads men to err on the side of caution by overestimating a partner's infidelity". 

Andrews suggests that women have countered this by becoming better at covering up affairs. Complex statistical analysis of the data hinted that a further 10 per cent of the women in the study had cheated on top of the 18.5 per cent who admitted to it in the questionnaires, whereas the men had been honest about their philandering.

How Well You Know your partner ??..........

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• I can name my partner’s best friends 

• I know what stresses my partner is currently facing 
• I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately 
• I can tell some of my partner’s life dreams 
• I can tell about my partner’s basic philosophy of life 
• I can list the relatives my partner likes the least 
• I feel that my partner knows me pretty well 
• When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner 
• I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately 
• My partner really respects me 
• There is fire and passion in this relationship 
• Romance is definitely still part of our relationship 
• My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship 
• My partner generally likes my personality 
• Our sex life is mostly satisfying 
• At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me 
• My partner is one of my best friends 
• We just love talking to each other 
• There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions 
• My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree 
• My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver 
• We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life 

How to interpret your score: 

15 or more yes answers: Congratulations! You have a lot of strength in your relationship. 

8 to 14 yes answers: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon. However, there are also some weaknesses that need your attention. 

7 or fewer yes answers: Time to introspect. Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

Is Your Partner True to You ??..........

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Here are seven ways to identify a liar, reports FoxNews . 

1. Consider the person’s recall: Liars never forget what they have to say but they may stumble when telling a tale by making contradicting statements. They’re also eager to change the subject. 

2. Observe the person’s overall body language: Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously. 

3. Take notice of any defensiveness: Liars will often take offence to any indication that they’re under suspicion. They’re likely to throw any accusations you throw at them back at you. They will also talk too much, feeling the need to over-explain themselves. 

4. Home in on facial expressions: Liars fail to control their micro-expressions. While fibbing, you may notice nervous twitching. Their hand may be covering or touching their face. People also tend to touch the mouth when feeling guilty or anxious. They’re particularly good with fake smiles. 

5. Don’t overlook the Pinocchio reaction: When a human tells a lie, extra blood gets pumped through the body and the nose swells by a fraction of millimeter. Liars may subsequently touch the tip of their nose unconsciously. 

6. Concentrate on the eyes: A liar has a troubled brow and downcast or darting eyes. They have trouble directly engaging your gaze. They also give you eye-accessing clues. If the person is telling you the truth, he’ll look up and to the left since that’s the side of the brain we use for recalling information. If she’s lying, she’ll look up and to the right, which is the creative side of the brain, because she’s mentally constructing something that hasn’t happened. 

7. Note the person’s voice: The higher the stakes are, the more the liar has a fear of getting caught. With this, the liar 
has a harder time controlling his body language or her voice. The pitch or rate of the speech may change, with the individual giving a lot of “umms” and “ahhs.” Often, a liar will appear stilted and monotone. Answers may seem rehearsed.

White Lies......... ;)

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Lies are usually a strict ‘no’ in a relationship, but at times "white lies" is all one needs to keep the spark alive.

Most couples have to resort to white lies at times to salvage the relationship as the truth can either be embarrassing or put the relationship in jeopardy. "The real truth can at times tear off things, so why not keep them in between the sheets," strongly affirms Dr. Samir Parikh. 

He further adds, "Pressurising your partner to tell the whole truth is not a top priority for couples, so many a times couples resort to white lies". Is it then better to tell a white lie and spare someone's feelings or is it better to spill the beans? Here are some of the most common lies that couples tell.... 

1. You're perfect : "I love you just the way you are and I would not change a thing about you". These are the words that a woman would love to hear from her beau. Snehasish, a graphic designer admits, "If these lines are what bring a smile on her lips, then what's wrong? I don't see any harm in this lie. Let's be serious - nobody is perfect. But always be ready for some confrontation, as your partner may figure out you are telling the truth." 

Shikha Pratap, a 30-year-old media manager who has recently had a baby adds, "I have put on some weight post delivery, but I just love it when I ask my hubby whether I am still the best looking woman in the world for him, and he looks deep into my eyes and says, 'Honey, you are simply perfect.' I know it's a white lie, but being perfect for him is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Any woman would love to be desired by her better half." The notion of perfection is not limited merely to the fairer sex. Thirty five-year-old Jatin Hashmi adds, "I hate my beer belly, but when I ask my wife if she's embarrassed by my weight - she has a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and says I am perfect. It's such a turn on for a man." 

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says, "Interpretation of what is being said is most important. One generally looks for an easy escape route, and a positive reaction is always welcome. The words when spoken must never hurt one's feeling. One should master the art of communication." 

2. Roving eyes don't bother : A lot of couples seem to be okay with their partner's flirtatious ways or at least lying about it. But most of the times, even if your girl says a "yes" with a heavy heart, she is definitely upset about flirting. Most women hate to feel second best if you tell her you are going out for a night around town with your guy friends. Similarily, most guys are lying when they say they don't get jealous when other men are hitting on their girl in a night club. 

Wise Counsel : Manoj Khanna, a counseling psychologist says, "Commitment is the key in a long standing relationship. The relationship should have transparency so that the partners can share things openly between themselves and this is where communication plays a significant role. One should not make his roving eyes a perennial habit, as that's where most infidelity problems crop up. If you are upset with your partner, try and communicate your fears and insecurities rationally to them as lying might put a temporary cover on them." 

3. Intricacies about one's past relationship : At times, it's safe to hide the small intricacies like the depth of one's past relationships in terms of physical intimacy. Some truths are best when hidden. But yes, on the other hand be sure that you are clever enough to reveal what's important and camouflage what's the bitter truth. "I have had a very bitter past," says 26-year-old Gauri Senapathy, "my ex boyfriend was violent and often physically abusive. I am now happily settled and I know that if I talk to my man about it he would not be able to handle the truth about how I was beaten up. I thus often say to him that I had a bad relationship, omitting the gory details. Why add to the troubles in life?," she feels. 

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says that, "Emotional openness is very important in a relationship. But try and weigh the pros and cons of being candid to your partner. Acceptance of the truth in a healthy way adds to the strength of a relationship. Past relationships have their own emotional attachments, so if your better half has had the courage to come clean, it's important to respect their wishes and be supportive. Here the maturity of the partner is all important."

Emotionally Needy Risk Depression..............

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Emotionally needy individuals are at greater risk of recurring depression, says a new Canadian  study.

Myriam Mongrain, who is associate professor of psychology in York University here, studied graduate students with a history of depression, rating their levels of emotional dependence. 

She again interviewed the participants 20 months later to check recurrence of a major depression. 

Her findings in the study "Healthy and unhealthy dependence: Implications for major depression,'' show that emotionally needy individuals have much greater risk of relapse than their "love-dependent" counterparts. 

In psychology jargon, "love dependence'' refers to a type of interpersonal relationship in which one's needs are not sacrificed and self-definition is not compromised. 

"Our findings suggest that the more mature form of interpersonal dependence may actually confer protective advantages and possibly some resilience against depressive recurrences,'' said Mongrain. 

She said her findings support a three-factor model of emotional dependence, which separates the trait into unhealthy, intermediate, and healthy types. 

"The unique contribution of this study is in the delineation of healthy and unhealthy aspects of emotional dependence," said Mongrain. 

"We tend to think of dependency as a negative term, but some forms are quite adaptive, as long as the individual can retain a healthy level of assertiveness,'' she said. 

Mongrain said the three levels of emotional dependence were derived from measuring the following traits: neediness; submissiveness; pleasing others; caring about what others think; exploitability; connectedness, and love. 

Men and women did not differ significantly on any of the measures, she said. 

Mongrain said women typically scored higher on measures of emotional dependence. 

However, her sample consisted of individuals with a history of major depression, and as such, may have been different from the overall population, she said. 

Her study found age to be a factor, with older participants reporting being less needy and not caring what others thought of them. But the average age of her study participants was 29. 

The study has been in the British Journal of Clinical Psychology

Handling A Break Up

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A lot of resemblance is found between Yankees and Expectations of Relationships. A relationship enjoys a nice regular season, attendance record is broken and most of the times enjoy an easy ride to the next season. But just like the current Yankees, if one or two things take a different turn while on the ride to the crucial level in the road, the next level and in this case, the relationship itself could come to an end.

It is hardly found that women are friendly with their ex-flames. So instead of finding a solution to bring things back on track, the opposite route is always chosen, i.e., just to break off things and start searching for a replacement! But just after a few weeks or months we realize that this will not exist as the long-term solution and then we accept and appreciate our first love. Even if some of the old relationships are not completely accepted by our minds, but, going back to the same relations is a far better option than remaining alone.

You should ask yourself this question before you get back to your ex, do you sincerely miss her presence?

Is it for the intense conversation and friendship that existed between you for which you want her back ? or is it just for that fancy wedding date, or to fulfill your sexual requirements, or for the fulfillment of your pleasure or just the sex ?

Often, none of the aforesaid answers provide a solution. The answer, in many cases, is none of the above. In its place, the backdated “jealousy” tempts us to drop our honor and our attempts to win her back. Quite often we come across this paradox of low self-respect and shocking ego that makes us restrict the legal behavior of our exes (holding hands in a public place or making out with another person at a bar).

Your illogical efforts in controlling his moves often result in making you a fool ( like sending text messages, email or voicemail). These initiatives spoil any possibility of bringing him back to you. In reality, those irrational attempts at control (angry voicemail, email, text messages, etc.) can make you look foolish. These reflect how much you care about him but in the end, it speaks volumes of you being over jealous without the knife.

Break-up blues?..............

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Break up is a word that has become synonymous with relationships. While some relationships are destined to crack with time, it's not easy to move on in life and get over a bruised heart. 

Sometimes, getting over a break up takes more than just a round of shopping or a pub hopping stint with your best buddies. We offer you some unique ways to mend that fractured heart. After all a little bit of out-of-the-box thinking doesn't hurt much, right? 

Start a blog : Jotting down your thoughts, and they can be on anything - from your ex's annoying habits to your most cherished moments are bound to give your sulky mood a 'feel good' makeover. You can also upload your best photos and think of the most outlandish captions to write beneath them! "I started blogging after I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. And in my first post itself, I took out all the frustration of my break up. It was immensely relieving because I was just dying to take my emotions out," says 24-year-old Prarthna Singh, a blogger for the last six months now. 

"Not just this, constant writing helped me analyse the things that went wrong in our relationship. The biggest support came from the readers who commented on my thoughts and suggested different ways to get over my chronic depression," she adds. 

Seduce someone your ex was jealous of : Remember the hot hair stylist or the raunchy bartender you nurtured the hots for? And it made you ex go red with anger each time you looked at them? Well, now that you are single and ready to mingle, grab the chance to fulfill all your flirtations that are bound to pay off and make you feel elated about life once again. Not just this, some harmless flirting may just increase your chances of getting hooked to a guy/girl you found attractive in the past. 

Besides, it might just make your ex go green with envy if they ever find the both of you together. "I wanted to settle all scores with my ex and tell her that I am happy without her. So, I purposely visited our common hangout and flirted with the girl my ex envied the most. I still remember the expressions of bewilderment on her face when she saw us intimately together. It was quite gratifying," says Himanshu Tiwari, a PR executive. 

Buy a pet : Nothing relieves stress more that an adorable kitten or a cuddly puppy. Cuddle up with them, play with them, or even talk to them, pets are there for you no matter. "The reason I am back to my normal self today is primarily because of my pet dog," says Sreedha Badola, a final year literature student, who recently got over a messy break up. 

"I think animals can sense it if you are depressed. My dog would sit with me all day and do whacky things like chasing squirrels to make me laugh," she says, adding, "They are the most innocent and unselfish beings on Earth and they are the best anecdote for depression." 

Join a dance class : Groove to the beats, especially when you are down in the dumps! If joining a dance class is not a feasible option, you can always plug in your I-pod or turn to the DVD player for a mood lift. It will not only pep up your mood, but also get you in shape, making you feel great about yourself. "Music is the best mood lifter one can possibly have," says Mayank, a BPO technician and a part time DJ. 

"Each time I play a peppy number, even the grumpiest of people, sitting quietly in one corner, put on their dancing shoes," he says amusingly. Our suggested dance numbers: 'Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne, 'Hollaback Girl' by Gwen Stefani and 'So yesterday' by Hilary Duff. 

Fix your favorite meal: When was the last time you dug into a sumptuous meal? It's time you treat your taste buds with something spicy and tangy. So, either take up the cook book or order something your have been craving for. Order Chinese, fix a steak, toss up some delicious pasta, or even gobble down packets of your favourite chocolate. "Delicious food offers not just a way to a man's heart, but also pulls you out of your blues. So, when my daughter called it quits with her fiancée, I made it a point to cook something special for her everyday. It boosted her mood and helped her recover," says Seema Rathore, a 53-year-old mother. 

Music + icecream + book : This formula works wonders if you're willing to try it. Turn on some soft, relaxing music, take out oodles of hot chocolate fudge and pick up a book that is stubbornly engrossing. How about a Dan Brown or Fredrick Forsyth bestseller? 

Throw away everything that reminds you of your ex : Better still, get inspired from Aditya (Shahid Kapoor) of Jab We Met and flush his/her photographs, letters etc down the drain. If not this, atleast get all the gifts, clothing, letters, and E-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memories, so be it.

Ultimate faith in the divine will...........

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Why do we pray? Some want health, others wealth. Some pray for the longevity of their parents, the safety of their children or that some Why do we pray? Some want health, others wealth. other desire of theirs gets fulfilled. These prayers, like all others, have power and energy that bring them to life.

The only difference between a prayer and a desire is that a prayer is directed towards God with faith. Faith plays an important role in whether the prayer is answered or not. But do we always know what is best for us? 

Suppose there is a new video game in town that every child wants. But this game is not without its dangers - it has gore, violence and profanity and might not be in the best interest of the child. But the child still wants it and repeatedly asks his parents for it. They may refuse a few times, but chances are that after a while, may give in to their child's demands. Not all parents will give in, but some will. So, the child's 'prayer' was ultimately answered by faith and perseverance. But is the video game good for the child? 

We ask God for things that we want, but are those things always the best for our spiritual growth? As the saying goes, 'be careful of what you wish for, because you might get it'. We may be intensely praying for things or relationships that may not be good for us. But the intensity of our prayers creates a vibratory ripple in the Cosmos that will have its answer, its result - the fruit of the desire seed. This is why it is important for our spiritual growth to let God decide what is best for us. 

When Jesus Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane on the eve of his crucifixion, he knew the fate he would suffer the next day. Though he was divine in nature, he was also in human form and naturally did not want to die. So, in Luke 22:42, we learn that he said the following prayer: "Father, if Thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my Will, but Thine, be done." Christ put God's will above his own. "Thy Will be done" is also part of the Lord's Prayer. This is the essence of faith in its truest and purest form. 

Putting everything into God's hands and saying simply, "Let Thy Will be done" requires a tremendous amount of courage. It requires a lot of faith. Because somewhere deep down inside your heart and mind, you wish and hope that the Lord's Will coincides with your own. But true and pure faith knows (not believes, because believing is not being entirely sure) that the Will of God is best for you. That is true faith. Like in the case of Christ, if he had not died on the cross, he would not have therefore been glorified through resurrection and thus his mission would not have been accomplished. So, his will in this case, would not have been the best for him. God knew what was best and since Christ said, "Let Thy will be done", it was done. 

At the same time it is fine to put your request before the Lord like Christ did when he said, "If Thou be willing, remove this cup from me." So you can ask God - "If Thou Art be willing then let Thy Will be done, not mine." This prayer - if said with utmost faith and sincerity and with the knowledge that God loves you and will do whatever is in your best interest - will yield the sweetest fruit.

Enjoy the present by shedding ego..............

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An average person always thinks he is above average. The perception of 'easy and The self with arrogance is ego difficult' is the result of one's state of The self with arrogance is ego being. 

Swatting a fly is 'difficult' for some, while killing thousands is 'easy' for others like terrorists. Dropping the ego is easy when we realise that we are less than a dot in this vast cosmos. It is foolish to live with the illusion that we are the centre of the cosmos. Dropping ego becomes difficult when we have this illusion. 

In any circle there is a centre and a circumference. If the centre of your life is hope then you will experience deficiency. If the centre of your life is enjoying the moment, living in the moment, being total in the moment... then hope will be a circumference... then it is not a problem. 

Let kitchen items be in the kitchen and bathroom items be in the bathroom. If they are placed elsewhere, then there is a problem. There is no problem with 'hope' as such, as long as it is in the circumference and not in the centre. Be alive to the present. 

The self with arrogance is ego. Self with the ignorance of who we are is also ego. Self filled with hopes and dreams is also ego. Ego lives either in the past or in the future, but never in the present. If its centre resides either in the past or in the future it misses the present. We are living in the world of ego... the 'lower self'. But if our centre is gratitude and devotion, then we live in the present. Both past and future become mere reference points. The 'higher self' is a space from which possibilities arise. It is a flow. It is a learning energy. It is an evolving being. You have the choice to operate either from the lower or higher self. 

When you operate from ego, your relationships will be affected. Ego wants to prove its point of view. The point of view is more important than truth or happiness. In that state, you demand and not command respect. If a couple demands respect from each other, then they are beggars of happiness and not givers of happiness. In the egoistic state, an argument feeds the ego. Remember no one wins an argument. You accumulate more of bitterness and at different periods of time you settle scores with the other. When you operate from the 'higher self', there is a healthy discussion. In discussion, truth is more important than who has said it. Happiness and well-being become more important than the survival of one's point of view. 

Then a relationship becomes rhythmic. You enjoy being with the other and you enjoy being alone. You are neither dependent nor independent but interdependent. You share your joyous being and not beg happiness from your partner. 

Identity is created by what others have said about us. If others have told you that you are a great speaker, then you feel you are a great speaker. So your identity is dependent on others. In fact, others create your identity. Others validate you. It is painful, as you have invested much on others. Your image is in the hands of others. The fact is, the real 'I' in us is not created by others. The lower self is a product of others, but the higher self is our essence. The higher self is a presence. It is awareness. We have not learnt to operate from that state of being. Hence, we are alien to ourselves. 

When your partner separates from you, you feel you are at a loss. Stop and look within. You find a higher self, God waiting for you. Learn to discover aloneness in a relationship and beyond a relationship. Aloneness is not loneliness. 

Operate from the 'higher self'. Operate from commitment and not complaint. Let your identity not depend on others. Don't settle scores with others. Create a bliss body and not a hurt body. Learn to expand others' comfort zones and not increase discomfort zones. Learn to convert a sexual act into a prayerful act. Create a learning and rejoicing family. Learn to be a good finder and not a fault-finder. Present your point of view and not impose your point of view. Focus on togetherness and not differences. Let a difference be a learning point and not a fighting point. Let us rise above differences than be victims of differences.

Flirt with boss for a hike...........

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One in five Brit employees won’t mind flirting with their boss in a bid to get a pay raise Office employees or promotion, a new survey Office employees has revealed. 

According to survey by an online dating agency Parship, men are more likely than their female colleagues to enter into a little sexual playfulness with women bosses. While 19 per cent of women admitted that they will use their charms to get on, 25 per cent of men said that they were willing to try it. 

On one hand, where over a third of men are actually attracted to their female superiors, finding them intelligent, self-confident, open-minded, and honest, with good communication skills, a sense of humour and a can-do attitude. 

On the other hand only 17 per cent of women agreed that they fancy their male bosses, a few even described them as ruthless, domineering know-it-alls. The survey showed that male employees were more in favour of an office romance with 57 per cent saying they would date a colleague. 

However, only 15 per cent of women think it is okay. "Perhaps women have learned through bitter experience that using one''s sex appeal to get ahead at work can backfire,” the Daily Star quoted psychologist Dr Nafsika Thalassis, Parship''s "singles coach", as saying. 

"Women who flirt with the boss risk having their bluff called. They are more likely to realise that flirting to get ahead will be disapproved of by colleagues. Men are less concerned that flirting will result in being cornered by their boss. 

"But they should be wary - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. 

"The fun of flirting lies in its maybe-I-mean-it, maybe-I-don''t playfulness, but it is often better to conduct relationships with absolute clarity," she added.

We'r Jus Colleagues............

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He doesn’t need hints to remember your birthday and he doesn’t end up gifting you shocking red sneakers when all you wear is sandals. 

He is well aware of your favourite colour and also whether you prefer cheese or mayonnaise with your burger. No, we are not talking about your boyfriend and it’s definitely not your husband, the man with whom you promised to tread the “for better or for worse” road. It’s your “office spouse”. Scratching your head on this? 

Well, this term has been coined to describe the new relationship phenomenon that’s developing among co-workers as women climb up the corporate ladder and work longer, harder, and in close proximity with colleagues of the opposite sex. 

The concept of an office spouse is new but not uncommon, and the phenomenon is increasing. Here is a person who understands your predicament at work, cares for you and meets emotional needs, going beyond the requirements of the job, and you can’t help comparing him with the man you promised to love and cherish till the day you die. 

“Though this term is very new to us, this phenomenon has been going on for a very long time. It’s just that we didn’t know what to call it,” says Sreyoshi Banerjee, a call center employee. 

Today men and women are working together as equals more than they ever did before, and this has changed the dynamics. Office spouses speak the same language: they get ‘inside jokes’, understand each other’s frustration with the job and internal bureaucracy, and can pick up work vibes, both good and bad. Bound by mutual respect, common interests, and a lot of chemistry (the kind that you have with your best friend), office spouses can read each other’s moods and minds and are each other’s closest confidants in the work world. 

“However, maintaining a healthy and non-sexual relationship with an office spouse can be tricky and sometimes detrimental to your real marriage,” cautions Sreyoshi. 

Of course, you are not cheating on your loved one, but then again, you do work closely with this colleague all day long, Monday through Friday — sometimes even Saturday — and in many cases, more than nine hours a day. You share your lunch with him and during slack hours, you end up talking about each other’s life and family. You know you can always count on him for anything, in sickness and in health. You share your thoughts, hopes, and ambitious dreams — there’s a growing intimacy between the two of you... Yet you’re not intimate. 

“I don’t know what it was that made me get very close to a girl I worked with,” recalls Rajan Mitra, a chartered accountant. “We worked together and in those days I felt very attracted to her. I think she felt the same and something would have developed between us, had she not moved out of the city. During this time, I started getting angry and irritated with my wife over small matters. I kept comparing her with my colleague and started losing interest in her. It’s a relationship which, if not reined in, may turn into an affair. Still, that’s not always the case, and a healthy office spouse relationship is between people who would never let it get there — who understand where the line is, and stay away from it.” 

Having someone at work who has an intuitive understanding of the expectations, duties, pressures, personalities, interaction, and work life in general, adds an invaluable amount of comfort on a daily basis. 

“Let’s face it. At work, there are so many ‘had to be there moments’ — most of them impossible to explain to your husband later in the evening. It’s usually all inside jokes, impersonations, and stories that seem insignificant, even petty, when told later in the day to someone who wasn’t there. Not only is it futile, it’s boring for your real partner,” says Ria Mukherjee, a mediaperson. 

As you walk the thin line between friendship and adultery, you try your best to keep it strictly platonic as you want to avoid a workplace husband. While an office spouse might be a great friend, a strong support system, and a shoulder to cry on, it can get risky. The rules of engagement, when it comes to the office spouse, are plenty. So, look before you leap!

Look good, work less?............

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It’s the eternal office mystery – why do the prettiest or handsomest people at work 55 per cent people in India and Brazil think you can get away with less work as long as you look good never sweat, are never in a rush, and never have bad BO 55 per cent people in India and Brazil think you can get away with less work as long as you look good when they come home from a hard day? 

There might be one answer, but believe it at your own risk – after all, it’s only skin deep. According to a Synovate survey on beauty, 55 per cent people in India and Brazil believe that good looking people can get away with less work. DT spoke to a few Delhiites to find out if they were part of the 55 per cent, and came up with some heartburn, and some stubborn belief in merit. Which of the two do you feel? 

Well, yes... 

The people who said yes, the lookers actually did get home earlier and get to have a life, blamed only themselves for it. “See, it’s not about how much work good looking people do or don’t do, but what other people do for them. 

Yes, the levels of acceptability are lowered for people who look pleasing,” admits theatreperson Aamir Raza Hussain. “I mean, if I had a pretty secretary who made a thousand spelling mistakes per page, I’d be more likely to explain things to her gently. If she were short, fat and ugly, however...” and he leaves the workday from hell to the imagination. 

Ad executive and musician Surojit Dev is not quite so introspective. “Obviously they do! Especially in a service industry, you do use your beauty and charm to get out of work. Even if the biologically blessed don’t actively use their charm, they know that it’s a weapon they have at their disposal. Typically, the office charmer, for instance, would not hang around with colleagues at the office, but would go out with them. ‘Oh, let’s discuss this over lunch’, or ‘Oh! Let’s go out for a drink’. It’ll be five minutes of work-related conversation and 30 minutes of chatting,” he says. 

‘Of course not!’ 

Fashion and costume designer Nikhar Dhawan chooses to see it as another kind of work. “Even if you’re working on your looks, it’s a kind of work, isn’t it?” she asks. “I totally disagree with people who think beauty can get you out of work. If you’re pretty and dumb, you can’t get anywhere. Appearance matters, yes. A shoddy guy wouldn’t be taken seriously. But as for getting away with less work, I don’t think so.” 

Coleen Lobo has also found the workplace quite fair, pun unintended. “That’s not really true,” she says of the survey’s findings. A marketing and communications manager in the hotel industry, 23-year-old Lobo says, “It hasn’t happened to me. The higher the expectations, the more I try to meet them and go beyond. How you look doesn’t matter.” 

Not very pretty insights 

There are those, however, who provide unusual insights into the issue. Ranjita Chaney, a 28-year-old art curator, says there might be a slight advantage, not because of looks, but gender. 

“I would say it’s easier for a woman to get work done,” she says. “Even if I’m pulled over by the police on the road, say, I’d get away with much more lenient treatment than a guy. In general, the fact that women are considered the weaker sex works in their favour. It tends to happen that way, not that you intend to use your gender to get away easily. And of course, if you dress decently, that matters. If I dress like a punk, I won’t be perceived as a serious curator. But beauty is not an issue. In fact, women are more competitive,” she adds. 

Shubha Menon, however, has seen so much of it that she can profile the serial work-shirker – she’s a bombshell. And yes, it’s a she. “Women do it more often,” says the ad exec. “She’s typically the one who’ll smile at everybody, flaunt pretty dresses, flutter her eyelashes at the boss... I’m not saying she’s dumb; she could be smart. She’s just a... better-looking smart cookie. I haven’t seen many men doing that, and women aren’t anyway as forward with good looking men than the other way round.”

Personality doesn't give success in love........

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University of Illinois researchers have found that measuring the quality of romantic Personality doesn't guarantee success in love

relationships is more complex than previously conducted Personality doesn't guarantee success in love personality studies suggest. 

Psychology professor Glenn Roisman and graduate student Ashley Holland say that while personality has been found to be predictive of perceived relationship satisfaction and success, other measures of relationship quality may offer additional insight into how a romantic relationship is functioning. 

“Obviously there are going to be strong links between how you perceive your relationship and how you perceive yourself. But maybe there are not going to be such strong links between how you perceive yourself and how well you actually interact with your partner,” said Holland, who led the research as part of her master’s thesis. 

“Our question was whether personality traits get reflected not just in how people perceive their relationships, but actually how they’re behaving toward one another – and how their bodies respond while they interact,” added Prof. Roisman, a co-author on the study. 

For their study, the researchers gave dating, engaged and married participants a questionnaire about their own and their partners’ personalities and the quality of their relationships. 

The subjects were asked to indicate where they fell on a spectrum of each of the “big five” personality traits: extroversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness and openness to experience. 

This part of the analysis confirmed that how an individual describes his own personality characteristics corresponds to how satisfied or dissatisfied he is in his romantic relationship. 

The team also compared the self-reported data to that obtained by observation and specific physiological measures. 

Trained observers watched videotapes of study participants as they discussed disagreements and agreements in their relationships, and coded each person on his or her positive and negative behaviours, such as smiling or scowling, avoiding or making eye contact, and so on. 

All participants were given final scores that reflected the balance of positive and negative behaviours and attributes observed. 

The researchers also measured participants’ heart rate and skin conductance, a gauge of how much a person sweats, during their interactions. 

“Both heart rate and skin conductance have been linked to a host of important outcomes in interpersonal relationships, including the likelihood of divorce. It’s a problem if you need to inhibit yourself greatly while having a conversation with your partner about the kinds of things that you would ordinarily be talking about and trying to resolve in your daily lives,” Roisman said. 

The researchers found that the way the participants described themselves and their relationships was not strongly linked to how they behaved toward one another in the laboratory, which suggested that those studying relationships might need to look deeper than what individuals report about themselves and their romantic partners. 

“Romantic relationships are complex and multi-faceted, and, therefore, measuring the quality of romantic relationships should probably include a variety of approaches in order to get a more nuanced view of how the relationship is functioning,” Holland said. 

The study has been published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

5 Ways To Fall In LOve....................

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Hang Around Lots... but Then Be Unavailable

The more you interact with someone, the more they'll like you, says David Lieberman, a U.S. expert in human behavior. He's right actually. Several studies show repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (the only time it doesn't hold true is if our initial reaction to it is negative). So forget about being aloof, evasive, and unavailable in the beginning. Instead, find lots of excuses to spend time with him.

Now, pay attention, because this is the tricky part. Just when you're convinced you've won them over and they like you, start being a little less available. And then even less, until they hardly see you at all. You've now effectively instigated the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: people want what they can't have and by constantly being available, you diminish your value. If every time you walked outside your front door there was a huge pile of diamonds to step over, you'd hardly see them as precious would you? The law of scarcity only makes them want you. Be around and then not around and they'll want and like you. I'm stating the obvious here, but liking someone is important. We talk endlessly about chemistry, passion, sexual attraction, and even more about love, yet "like" rarely gets mention. Opposites don't attract long-term; we search for similarities in a partner. Most of us can't see the point in hanging around friends we don't like, so why do it with a lover? Liking someone is more important long-term than actually loving them. It's not just similarities in our personalities that count. If you go out with someone who looks like you, they're four times more likely to fall in love with you! "That's so true!" said a girlfriend, when I told her this trivia tidbit. "Look at my sister and her husband!" Umm -- why? Lisa's sister has bleached blonde hair, freckles, and ivory skin. Her husband is Indian. "I'm not quite with you," I said carefully. "I know it's not obvious," she said, "But it's the proportion of their faces. His mother came up to me at their wedding and said, 'They will be happy because they are the same. Look at them.' And it's true. They have the same features, in the same places, in the same proportions.

Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You

If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. To justify the effort or expense, we often over-idealize how wonderful he is to deserve it! End result: we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's all even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you very much like but aren't sure about yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him. You're much better off letting him spoil you.

Give Them the Eye

Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin set out to see if he could measure love scientifically and achieved it by recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other. He discovered that couples who are deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else dares to intrude. In normal conversation, people look at each other between 30-60 percent of the time. The significance of what's now known as Rubin's Scale is obvious: It's possible to tell how "in love" people are by measuring the amount of time they spend gazing adoringly. Some psychologists still use it during counseling to work out how much affection couples feel for each other. It also happens to be remarkably handy information if you want to make someone fall in love with you. Here's how it works: If you look at someone you like 75 percent of the time when they're talking to you, you trick their brain. The brain knows the last time that someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks OK, I'm obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA is a chemical cousin to amphetamines and is secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. PEA is what makes our palms sweat, our tummies flip over, and our hearts race. The more PEA the person you want has pumping through the bloodstream, the more likely he is to fall in love with you. While you can't honestly force someone to adore you if he's not remotely interested (they won't let you look into their eyes for that long, for a start!), it is entirely possible to kick-start the production of PEA using this technique. Try it. I think you'll be pretty impressed with the results. Give someone the sensation of feeling in love whenever he's with you, and it's not such a huge leap of logic for him to finally decide that he is!

Don't Look Away

There was another crucial finding from Rubin's research: The couples took longer to look away when someone else joined the conversation. Again, if you do this to someone who's not in love with you (yet), you trick his brain into thinking he is, and even more PEA floods into his bloodstream. Relationships expert Leil Lownes calls this technique making "toffee eyes." Simply lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when he has finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly -- as though they're attached by warm toffee. This technique may not sound terribly inspired but, believe me, if done properly it can literally take your breath away. If you're too shy to gaze openly, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who's joined the conversation, but every time they finish a sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you're interested in. This is a checking gesture -- you're checking his reaction to what the speaker is saying -- and lets him know you're more interested in him than the other person.

Practice Pupillometrics

We all know "bedroom eyes" when we see them: it's the look of lust. There's just one thing you need for bedroom eyes: big pupils. According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, this is the crucial element we respond to. You can't consciously control your pupils (one reason why people say the eyes don't lie). But you can create the right conditions to inspire large pupils and get the effect. First, reduce light. Our pupils expand when they're robbed of it, one reason why candlelight and dimmer switches are de rigueur in romantic restaurants. It's not just the softening of light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils also help. Scientists showed two sets of pictures of a woman's face to men. The photograph was identical, except for one thing; the pupils in one set had been doctored to make them larger. When shown the doctored photograph, men judged the woman as twice more attractive than when shown the real photo. It was repeated with a man's face and tested on women and gave the same result. Our pupils also enlarge when we look at something we like. Again, this can be proved using pictures. This time, researchers snuck a picture of a naked woman into a pile of otherwise bland, commonplace photographs then watched men's pupil size when they flicked through them. Without exception, the men's pupils expanded on cue. This means if you're attracted to someone a lot, your pupils are probably already big, black holes. All good. To ensure this is happening or to up the effect of your bedroom eyes, focus on the part of the person you like the most. (On second thought, better make it the next best thing.)

Discussin darkest F@Nt@SieS with your partner.... ??

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Is it always a good idea to discuss your darkest fantasies? Sashwati Sanyal Do you discuss secret fantasies with your partner? (Getty Images) 
finds out... 

Sakshi and Ravi had a 'blissful' relationship. But within two years they had to resort to a marriage counsellor. The problem was that while Ravi wanted to vent his sexual fantasies, Sakshi found them totally irrational. During the course of the session, Ravi confessed he desired bondage style of sex, while Sakshi found it extremely abnormal thus leading to fights and an unsatisfactory sex life. 
Tina Sharma, a professional also claims to nurture sexual desires beyond the bedroom norms such as to have sex on a deserted destination. "To think of having sex while in hiding is a mighty turn on. Once in my life I would definitely like to experience that pleasure," she shares. 

While experts say that it's healthy to nurse fantasies, most couples are shy about discussing them frankly with their partner. The fear of awkwardness and outright rejection is so strong, that they feel it's best to wrap up their fantasies and let them rot. Is there a way to live out your innermost fantasies. 

Use caution 
According to Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of the book 'Private Thoughts: The power of women's fantasies', it is best to be on your guard while testing risky waters. That's because too often, says Maltz, there's a lack of understanding about what it means to share our dark desires. To minimise misunderstandings, she suggests setting some guidelines before agreeing to reveal erotic fantasies. "Ensure you have a mutual understanding of each others' objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other's private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try, " she suggests. 
Says management student Gokul Sharma, "Sharing your deepest sexual fantasies requires a lot of trust. I often had to keep my fantasies to myself because my ex-girlfriend did not like trying them out. She would often come up with excuses of being tired and on more than an occasion refered to me as a weirdo. So I decided it was time to move on." 
Maltz points out that even when both partners willingly reveal their sexual fantasies to one another, there's no guarantee that the outcome will be a positive meeting of the mind or body. Psychologist Suparna Tiwari explains, "Often the content of our sexual fantasies could be quite a turn off. It takes a lot of love and patience between the partners to understand these fantasies, especially when it is beyond the norms of common sexual practices." 

On a lighter vein 
Here is a little tidbit to keep in mind. The next time you hear 'outrageous' sexual fantasies, remember that not all of it has to be taken literally. See these fantasies as an act of unburdening on your partner's part and respect them for that. States Amrita Choudhary, married and working with an MNC, "Ours was an arranged marriage, so it took me some time to open up to my husband. Initially, of course it was very difficult. I kept wondering what he would think about me. But fortunately, he simply heard me out one day. And since then I have had nights of sexual adventure." 
For others, talking about their sexual fantasies also clears a lot of doubts in their head. And for the Indian women it spells sexual liberation. "Women in our culture have been taught not to speak about sex. So most of them have had not-so-great experiences. But with the coming of age of the Indian woman, a lot of these desires have remarkably changed. Today, a woman can demand whatever she wants and enjoy her body, as well her partner's without taboo," says Tiwari.