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Is it always a good idea to discuss your darkest fantasies? Sashwati Sanyal Do you discuss secret fantasies with your partner? (Getty Images)
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Sakshi and Ravi had a 'blissful' relationship. But within two years they had to resort to a marriage counsellor. The problem was that while Ravi wanted to vent his sexual fantasies, Sakshi found them totally irrational. During the course of the session, Ravi confessed he desired bondage style of sex, while Sakshi found it extremely abnormal thus leading to fights and an unsatisfactory sex life.
Tina Sharma, a professional also claims to nurture sexual desires beyond the bedroom norms such as to have sex on a deserted destination. "To think of having sex while in hiding is a mighty turn on. Once in my life I would definitely like to experience that pleasure," she shares.
While experts say that it's healthy to nurse fantasies, most couples are shy about discussing them frankly with their partner. The fear of awkwardness and outright rejection is so strong, that they feel it's best to wrap up their fantasies and let them rot. Is there a way to live out your innermost fantasies.
Use caution
According to Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of the book 'Private Thoughts: The power of women's fantasies', it is best to be on your guard while testing risky waters. That's because too often, says Maltz, there's a lack of understanding about what it means to share our dark desires. To minimise misunderstandings, she suggests setting some guidelines before agreeing to reveal erotic fantasies. "Ensure you have a mutual understanding of each others' objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other's private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try, " she suggests.
Says management student Gokul Sharma, "Sharing your deepest sexual fantasies requires a lot of trust. I often had to keep my fantasies to myself because my ex-girlfriend did not like trying them out. She would often come up with excuses of being tired and on more than an occasion refered to me as a weirdo. So I decided it was time to move on."
Maltz points out that even when both partners willingly reveal their sexual fantasies to one another, there's no guarantee that the outcome will be a positive meeting of the mind or body. Psychologist Suparna Tiwari explains, "Often the content of our sexual fantasies could be quite a turn off. It takes a lot of love and patience between the partners to understand these fantasies, especially when it is beyond the norms of common sexual practices."
On a lighter vein
Here is a little tidbit to keep in mind. The next time you hear 'outrageous' sexual fantasies, remember that not all of it has to be taken literally. See these fantasies as an act of unburdening on your partner's part and respect them for that. States Amrita Choudhary, married and working with an MNC, "Ours was an arranged marriage, so it took me some time to open up to my husband. Initially, of course it was very difficult. I kept wondering what he would think about me. But fortunately, he simply heard me out one day. And since then I have had nights of sexual adventure."
For others, talking about their sexual fantasies also clears a lot of doubts in their head. And for the Indian women it spells sexual liberation. "Women in our culture have been taught not to speak about sex. So most of them have had not-so-great experiences. But with the coming of age of the Indian woman, a lot of these desires have remarkably changed. Today, a woman can demand whatever she wants and enjoy her body, as well her partner's without taboo," says Tiwari.
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