From ages we have been told to stick to one fact - be ‘brutally honest’ with your partner in all aspects of life
However, do we all follow that golden rule? Before you start feeling guilty, allow me to tell you that you are not the only one living with white lies in your relationship. The place where people feel most comfortable lying is their bedroom.
If women lie about their vital stats, men also fudge about the numerous sex partners they have had. May be it helps them in keeping the romance alive in their den. So here are some of the truths that most of the people prefer keeping under the wraps.
Fake it!
From once in a while to all the time, most couples fake an orgasm to avoid upsetting their partner. This is pretty common among the fairer sex.
Revati Prasad, who works with a Noida- based MNC says, “Like all other girls, I spoke at length about lovemaking with my friends before getting married. But when it came to practicing it, I literally got cold feet. It’s been eight months, but it’s rare that I reach an orgasm. I find intercourse a painful act. Because of hesitation and the fear of rejection, I keep mum. I think it would affect my husband’s ego if I tell him that he fails to satisfy me.”
Dr Sanjay Chugh, a psychiatrist suggests, “At times men also fake an orgasm, but it’s mainly a female dominated phenomenon. There can be several reasons like guilt, fear of getting pregnant, no desirability for the partner or painful intercourse. Not necessarily you reach the big ‘O’ all the time, but faking it for long to save your partner from embarrassment is not the right thing to do in bed. Talking about the issue frankly will certainly help.”
I forgot the count
Most of the men consider women as extremely possessive beings. Therefore, they generally manipulate the number of women they have shared ‘good’ times with.
Rakesh Aggarwal, a marketing executive tells, “No women love competition, therefore I make no effort to bother my girls. It’s my ninth affair in four years, but I think I am really serious this time. She is my colleague in office. She does know that I am not a virgin, but I am in no mood to tell her that I have made love to almost half a dozen women.”
Dr Kamal Khurana, a relationship expert says, “It’s not only about women, men also don't think highly of women who have had several sex partners in their past. This is the main factor why people prefer to lie about their ex partners. It’s definitely a personal choice, but keeping your partner in the absolute dark is unfair. If not completely, try to share some of details of your past with your mate.”
It was fun honey!
You were in between the act and your partner pushed you to try a new position. You found it awkward and it wasn’t that pleasurable too. Still you preferred to say, ‘it was great’. Many people can relate to this situation.
Reema Sinha, a content writer reveals, “Me and my guy were on a weekend break. I was really looking forward to some rocking action in bed. It was all going good before I found myself in a funny position. I think he was enjoying our new sex position, but I burst out into laughter, and my man was very disturbed seeing my reaction. So, I decided that I will let him experiment the way he wants.”
Dr Sanjay Chugh explains, “It’s a great thing to try out new ways to attain a high point with your partner in bed. Nobody likes to stick to a monotonous sex routine for too long. But you need to be considerate towards you partner’s comfort too. Keep in mind that it becomes difficult for women to attain the big ‘O’ in certain positions.”
Sizeable issues
Who goes to bed with a measuring tape in hand? And that makes it easy for everybody to boast about their vital stats.
Chitra Rawat, a media person says, “Men simply adore women who are blessed with a nice cleavage and my boyfriend is no different. Thanks to all the inventions in terms of lingerie, it is easier to look a size bigger. I think it's fair enough to misguide him this much, if it gives him a sexual high. The only problem I face is, I can’t go for lingerie shopping with him.”
“Most of the men have a fascination for women with fuller figures. And if you know how to take advantage, than there is nothing like it. At times men also brag about their size. It's better not to make claims that you may not be able to sustain for long. It may cause embarrassment to both of you,” tells Dr Khurana.
Virginity values...
Virginity still seems to be a big deal when it comes to marriage. No matter how modern people claim to be, they still want a virgin while getting married.
Suparna Gupta, an architect confesses, “I have been in an intense relationship in my past, because of his family issues we couldn’t take it forward. Now I am getting married to another guy. With my sexual behavior, he might get to know that I am not a virgin. Therefore I plan to act extra cautious, I cannot afford to ruin my future because of my past. Sometimes I wonder, is it really a big deal.”
“It’s certainly not an uncommon situation. We live in a modern society and pre-marital sex is not an alien term now. However, it's still a hush-hush issue. So if you think your partner will not be able to digest the truth about your past, then it's better to keep it to yourself. Still it's always advisable that if you have had a sexual relationship, you should go for a medical check up before you tie the knot,” Dr Chugh concludes.
Source:http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/4314009.cms
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Woo Your Lady Love
A man would love to have a sex-kitten in bed ready to woo him in all exciting ways.
Descending his way to bed, he would expect his wild cat doing everything that ensures a gratifying session. But why just men have all the fun?
It’s high time they realise that even their partner needs to be aroused to feel the pleasure. After all, it’s a two way enjoyment that seeks equal participation from both the partners. Though enough has been said and heard about the ways to seduce a man but rarely does one steps up to woo a woman the way she likes it.
"Seduction is an art in itself and needs to be treated with a lot of care. Everyone prefers to be the ‘seduced’ rather than be the 'seducer'. The element of surprise is very important; getting the unexpected is a real turn on," says Dr Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship expert.
For a woman, a man's seduction skills are on test not just in bed but out of it too. So, all men out there – master the art of seduction that goes beyond the usual gesture of hugs and kisses.
Here are some useful ways to get your lady hooked on to you as you gear up for a hot steamy session...
Blindfold the beauty : Women love surprises, which indeed is the biggest turn on for them. The perfect way to seduce a woman is to blindfold her and let the passion heat build on. The surprise factor works wonders and of course, makes the job easier for men. During these moments, treat her with different tastes, different fragrances and different texture to heighten her senses! A casual rub up her arm close to her bossom or back may give her a different high but make sure to keep her blindfolded till the time she gets crazy.
Caution : Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist adds, “Make an effort to know your partner’s trigger zones. Since most women are hesitant when it comes to undressing, a blindfold can be really helpful, as it comforts her in the best possible way. And what more, you can take advantage and get a bit naughty by touching her at the right spots.”
Truth or dare : This game may appear to be a slow verbal foreplay but it can do wonders. Women are usually less experimental or daring when it comes to trying out different techniques to seduce their man. But men can think out-of-the-box to woo their partner. Truth or dare, it can be a win-win situation for you. If it's truth, ask her something sexual and if it’s a dare then ask her to do something naughty. If she reciprocates the game in a way you want, then you’ve already won the game. This game in itself is super naughty and when played in the right mood becomes very sensual.
Caution : Remember your woman wants to test all your moods – from being romantic, naughty to a bit dirty and finally sexually aroused. Do not portray yourself as if you are hungry for sex. Keep your sexual gestures understated and during such a game, don’t expect her to do whatever you ask for! Be considerate towards her comfort zone and accordingly set the sexual mood,” warns Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert.
Talk dirty : Bringing sexual elements into a conversation is a gateway towards actually doing it. Women might feel reluctant to include this in their list of seduction techniques, but a man can surely set the mood right for a sexually intimate discussion. Just bring up sex in a conversation in a general manner. For instance, talk about erotic scenes from different movies. As the conversation progresses, open up with her a little more and ask if she would like to act like that. Now once you’ve discussed sex openly, you can start working on your physical contact and then take things to the next level.
Caution : “Make sure that you don’t sound obscene or vulgar because that might turn off your woman. Keeping the conversation sexually inclined; try to retain the romantic element throughout, as it acts like a magic spell to arouse a woman,” suggests Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert.
Taking on role-play : Men always expect their woman to seduce them by taking on role play. Be it of a nurse, a wild tigress or a porn star – role-playing has always played a crucial role during seduction moments. So, men too can make the most of it by enacting a character to seduce the girl. Now, it could be as wild as Tarzan or as superficial as a Superman. Just make sure it has all the elements to take your woman into a different world.
Caution : “Role-playing can go wrong at times, if your woman dislikes a particular character. So beware of her likes and dislikes. Don’t keep the role-play boring, involve her as well. Take her on a fantasy trip. Share your fantasies and tempt her in a manner that she cannot resist getting into some steamy action,” says Dr. Roy.
Sensuous cooking : Try this role reversal for a day and look for yourself how it works. A man who knows cooking is one thing but a man who cooks for his lady love is another. Display your culinary skills and cook something really special and exciting, of course of her choice! Adding ingredients with aphrodisiacal qualities will certainly be an add-on. Whatever you cook, don’t forget to sprinkle it with love, add a pinch of naughtiness, garnish it with romance and arrange for an exotic dining experience just for her.
Caution : “Simply cooking a few dishes can’t arouse your woman, so present her in a way that conveys a message to her. Make her feel special and let her know that you tried it all only for her love and affection. During the special dinner, serve her and keep expressing your desires that hints towards a night of passion,” advices Amita.
Texting love : Texting is easier than saying it out loud. And dirty texting is indeed the magic mantra to woo her. Get wild with your imagination and let your words do the talking for you. You should be at your confident best while your are texting and chances are that your oops can turn to a good move for you.
Caution : “Know exactly what turns her on – romantic messages or a bit dirty ones and play your wild cards accordingly. If she responds well and hints that she’s also charged for a romp, you better know what lies next! Don’t delay it further by wasting time to ask her out, just invite her comfortably and let love take over the rest,” says Dr. Kirti.
Fun unlimited : It’s official. Women like ‘funny men’ with a good sense of humour. Now it’s up to a man how he uses this humour to seduce his lady love. While dirty talking and sensual gestures can surely set the mood right, what matters the most are those little things that make your woman feel wanted. Crack jokes or kinky yet funny comments and as she splits into laughter, give her a pat or touch her hands in a happy gesture. Such humorous moments coupled with a physical touch is a modest way to seduce a woman.
Caution : “A woman may seem least interested in your humour and if that’s the case, recall some funny incidents that you had together. And if she is equally enjoying the rib tickling moments with you, then touch her tenderly and whisper words in her ears to keep up the physical contact. It can turn out to be a great seduction technique,” feels Dr. Roy.
Descending his way to bed, he would expect his wild cat doing everything that ensures a gratifying session. But why just men have all the fun?
It’s high time they realise that even their partner needs to be aroused to feel the pleasure. After all, it’s a two way enjoyment that seeks equal participation from both the partners. Though enough has been said and heard about the ways to seduce a man but rarely does one steps up to woo a woman the way she likes it.
"Seduction is an art in itself and needs to be treated with a lot of care. Everyone prefers to be the ‘seduced’ rather than be the 'seducer'. The element of surprise is very important; getting the unexpected is a real turn on," says Dr Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship expert.
For a woman, a man's seduction skills are on test not just in bed but out of it too. So, all men out there – master the art of seduction that goes beyond the usual gesture of hugs and kisses.
Here are some useful ways to get your lady hooked on to you as you gear up for a hot steamy session...
Blindfold the beauty : Women love surprises, which indeed is the biggest turn on for them. The perfect way to seduce a woman is to blindfold her and let the passion heat build on. The surprise factor works wonders and of course, makes the job easier for men. During these moments, treat her with different tastes, different fragrances and different texture to heighten her senses! A casual rub up her arm close to her bossom or back may give her a different high but make sure to keep her blindfolded till the time she gets crazy.
Caution : Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist adds, “Make an effort to know your partner’s trigger zones. Since most women are hesitant when it comes to undressing, a blindfold can be really helpful, as it comforts her in the best possible way. And what more, you can take advantage and get a bit naughty by touching her at the right spots.”
Truth or dare : This game may appear to be a slow verbal foreplay but it can do wonders. Women are usually less experimental or daring when it comes to trying out different techniques to seduce their man. But men can think out-of-the-box to woo their partner. Truth or dare, it can be a win-win situation for you. If it's truth, ask her something sexual and if it’s a dare then ask her to do something naughty. If she reciprocates the game in a way you want, then you’ve already won the game. This game in itself is super naughty and when played in the right mood becomes very sensual.
Caution : Remember your woman wants to test all your moods – from being romantic, naughty to a bit dirty and finally sexually aroused. Do not portray yourself as if you are hungry for sex. Keep your sexual gestures understated and during such a game, don’t expect her to do whatever you ask for! Be considerate towards her comfort zone and accordingly set the sexual mood,” warns Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert.
Talk dirty : Bringing sexual elements into a conversation is a gateway towards actually doing it. Women might feel reluctant to include this in their list of seduction techniques, but a man can surely set the mood right for a sexually intimate discussion. Just bring up sex in a conversation in a general manner. For instance, talk about erotic scenes from different movies. As the conversation progresses, open up with her a little more and ask if she would like to act like that. Now once you’ve discussed sex openly, you can start working on your physical contact and then take things to the next level.
Caution : “Make sure that you don’t sound obscene or vulgar because that might turn off your woman. Keeping the conversation sexually inclined; try to retain the romantic element throughout, as it acts like a magic spell to arouse a woman,” suggests Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert.
Taking on role-play : Men always expect their woman to seduce them by taking on role play. Be it of a nurse, a wild tigress or a porn star – role-playing has always played a crucial role during seduction moments. So, men too can make the most of it by enacting a character to seduce the girl. Now, it could be as wild as Tarzan or as superficial as a Superman. Just make sure it has all the elements to take your woman into a different world.
Caution : “Role-playing can go wrong at times, if your woman dislikes a particular character. So beware of her likes and dislikes. Don’t keep the role-play boring, involve her as well. Take her on a fantasy trip. Share your fantasies and tempt her in a manner that she cannot resist getting into some steamy action,” says Dr. Roy.
Sensuous cooking : Try this role reversal for a day and look for yourself how it works. A man who knows cooking is one thing but a man who cooks for his lady love is another. Display your culinary skills and cook something really special and exciting, of course of her choice! Adding ingredients with aphrodisiacal qualities will certainly be an add-on. Whatever you cook, don’t forget to sprinkle it with love, add a pinch of naughtiness, garnish it with romance and arrange for an exotic dining experience just for her.
Caution : “Simply cooking a few dishes can’t arouse your woman, so present her in a way that conveys a message to her. Make her feel special and let her know that you tried it all only for her love and affection. During the special dinner, serve her and keep expressing your desires that hints towards a night of passion,” advices Amita.
Texting love : Texting is easier than saying it out loud. And dirty texting is indeed the magic mantra to woo her. Get wild with your imagination and let your words do the talking for you. You should be at your confident best while your are texting and chances are that your oops can turn to a good move for you.
Caution : “Know exactly what turns her on – romantic messages or a bit dirty ones and play your wild cards accordingly. If she responds well and hints that she’s also charged for a romp, you better know what lies next! Don’t delay it further by wasting time to ask her out, just invite her comfortably and let love take over the rest,” says Dr. Kirti.
Fun unlimited : It’s official. Women like ‘funny men’ with a good sense of humour. Now it’s up to a man how he uses this humour to seduce his lady love. While dirty talking and sensual gestures can surely set the mood right, what matters the most are those little things that make your woman feel wanted. Crack jokes or kinky yet funny comments and as she splits into laughter, give her a pat or touch her hands in a happy gesture. Such humorous moments coupled with a physical touch is a modest way to seduce a woman.
Caution : “A woman may seem least interested in your humour and if that’s the case, recall some funny incidents that you had together. And if she is equally enjoying the rib tickling moments with you, then touch her tenderly and whisper words in her ears to keep up the physical contact. It can turn out to be a great seduction technique,” feels Dr. Roy.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Married and desirable......( WhY Gals Prefer married Man )
Do married men get hit on because of the lure of the forbidden? We find out...
He's handsome, he's witty, he's successful... and he’s married! But will that stop other women from hitting on him? The answer is 'No', or so say a lot of women. But, what is it that increases the desirability quotient of a married man? His status clearly says he's 'taken', then why do so many women still fall for him?
Safe to play with!
"From what I have seen, women think married men are safer then single men. They can have all the fun with them and yet not feel stuck in a committed relationship," says legal consultant Prachi Malik. "Also, these women get all the advantages of being in a relationship without having to do his laundry, manage household chores, deal with his mood swings or have sex when he wants to. Those things are left for the wife to do," she quips.
It’s a game
Some women also see it as a game of competition. Airhostess Stuti Behl shares her experience. "I once had a friend who was constantly hitting on a married man at her workplace. The day he started returning her glances, she felt so kicked. I saw her completely changed. She pursued it more seriously and then few months down the line dumped him. It was a kind of thrill that she got out of that relationship."
Ego-booster!
Explains psychologist Samir Parikh, "It’s pure attraction for some. But, for some women who are low on self-esteem, it's a way of feeling self-assured. It's an achievement for them, a sort of an approval or validation that they are desirable to a man who has a woman to his disposal 24X7."
Merely the fact that he has been taken make some women more tempted to pursue him. Marketing Manager Prashant Vig adds, "Men feel similarly with married women. It's about tasting the forbidden fruit. It's always difficult to resist that temptation."
Some men invite such offers to get rid of boredom in their life. Agrees model Amanpreet Wahi, "Most of the married men around me who have extra-marital affairs shower their girlfriends with the best of gifts and treats. It's like a desperate attempt to have something fresh in their lives."
Experience counts!
These men are also seen as sexually skilled since they are able to satisfy their wife's sexual expectations. Says call centre executive Pooja Sinha (name changed), "This was the reason I felt terribly attracted to this guy at my workplace. We did have a short fling but then I couldn’t bear his constant blabbering about his wife. He was great in bed but I gave up on him."
Warns relationship expert R K Mehra, "Women and men both should be wary of forming such relationships. It can prove to be highly risky for their mental health. Some try to get adventurous and end up losing their self-respect."
Remember, you’re playing with fire!
Source: TOI [http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/4255588.cms]
He's handsome, he's witty, he's successful... and he’s married! But will that stop other women from hitting on him? The answer is 'No', or so say a lot of women. But, what is it that increases the desirability quotient of a married man? His status clearly says he's 'taken', then why do so many women still fall for him?
Safe to play with!
"From what I have seen, women think married men are safer then single men. They can have all the fun with them and yet not feel stuck in a committed relationship," says legal consultant Prachi Malik. "Also, these women get all the advantages of being in a relationship without having to do his laundry, manage household chores, deal with his mood swings or have sex when he wants to. Those things are left for the wife to do," she quips.
It’s a game
Some women also see it as a game of competition. Airhostess Stuti Behl shares her experience. "I once had a friend who was constantly hitting on a married man at her workplace. The day he started returning her glances, she felt so kicked. I saw her completely changed. She pursued it more seriously and then few months down the line dumped him. It was a kind of thrill that she got out of that relationship."
Ego-booster!
Explains psychologist Samir Parikh, "It’s pure attraction for some. But, for some women who are low on self-esteem, it's a way of feeling self-assured. It's an achievement for them, a sort of an approval or validation that they are desirable to a man who has a woman to his disposal 24X7."
Merely the fact that he has been taken make some women more tempted to pursue him. Marketing Manager Prashant Vig adds, "Men feel similarly with married women. It's about tasting the forbidden fruit. It's always difficult to resist that temptation."
Some men invite such offers to get rid of boredom in their life. Agrees model Amanpreet Wahi, "Most of the married men around me who have extra-marital affairs shower their girlfriends with the best of gifts and treats. It's like a desperate attempt to have something fresh in their lives."
Experience counts!
These men are also seen as sexually skilled since they are able to satisfy their wife's sexual expectations. Says call centre executive Pooja Sinha (name changed), "This was the reason I felt terribly attracted to this guy at my workplace. We did have a short fling but then I couldn’t bear his constant blabbering about his wife. He was great in bed but I gave up on him."
Warns relationship expert R K Mehra, "Women and men both should be wary of forming such relationships. It can prove to be highly risky for their mental health. Some try to get adventurous and end up losing their self-respect."
Remember, you’re playing with fire!
Source: TOI [http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/4255588.cms]
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Women more promiscuous than men.............
Young women are becoming more promiscuous, with more sexual partners than men, according to a new survey.
By the age of 21, they have had sex with an average of nine lovers - two more than their male partner. The poll of 2,000 by a magazine revealed that one in four young women has slept with more than 10 people, compared with one in five men who had done the same.
Young women are also twice as likely to be unfaithful, with 50 per cent admitting they have cheated on a partner - half at least twice. The survey follows an academic study branded Britain one of the casual sex capitals of the Western world, with residents having more one-night stands and more liberal attitudes than those in Australia, France, the Netherlands, Italy and the US.
"Our results show that after decades of lying back and thinking of England, today's twenty-something women are taking control of their sex lives and getting what they want in bed," the Telegraph quoted Lisa Smosarski, the editor the magazine More , as saying.
The survey found that only 1 per cent of young women said that they would wait until marriage to have sex, with the majority losing their virginity at 16. More than 50 per cent said that they were not in love with their first partner and only one in three believe it is important to be in love with someone before going to bed with them.
Seven out of 10 said they had had a one-night stand, with a fifth admitting to having had more than five casual encounters.
Also, 60 per cent said they would be prepared to do a "kiss-and-tell" and would sell their account of a one-night-stand with a famous person for 20,000 pounds.
Four out of 10 said they would marry for money or sleep with their boss if it meant they would get promoted, while a quarter would have an affair with a married man.
The survey also found young women are taking "huge risks" with their health, with 38 per cent not using a condom with a new partner and 16 per cent having contracted a sexually transmitted disease. However the respondents still claimed they are not having as much sex as they would like, with 13 per cent claiming their love life is "disappointing" and a further 10 per cent calling it "non-existent".
The survey also found that the average young woman has sex three times a week but would prefer to do it five times.
Source: TOI
By the age of 21, they have had sex with an average of nine lovers - two more than their male partner. The poll of 2,000 by a magazine revealed that one in four young women has slept with more than 10 people, compared with one in five men who had done the same.
Young women are also twice as likely to be unfaithful, with 50 per cent admitting they have cheated on a partner - half at least twice. The survey follows an academic study branded Britain one of the casual sex capitals of the Western world, with residents having more one-night stands and more liberal attitudes than those in Australia, France, the Netherlands, Italy and the US.
"Our results show that after decades of lying back and thinking of England, today's twenty-something women are taking control of their sex lives and getting what they want in bed," the Telegraph quoted Lisa Smosarski, the editor the magazine More , as saying.
The survey found that only 1 per cent of young women said that they would wait until marriage to have sex, with the majority losing their virginity at 16. More than 50 per cent said that they were not in love with their first partner and only one in three believe it is important to be in love with someone before going to bed with them.
Seven out of 10 said they had had a one-night stand, with a fifth admitting to having had more than five casual encounters.
Also, 60 per cent said they would be prepared to do a "kiss-and-tell" and would sell their account of a one-night-stand with a famous person for 20,000 pounds.
Four out of 10 said they would marry for money or sleep with their boss if it meant they would get promoted, while a quarter would have an affair with a married man.
The survey also found young women are taking "huge risks" with their health, with 38 per cent not using a condom with a new partner and 16 per cent having contracted a sexually transmitted disease. However the respondents still claimed they are not having as much sex as they would like, with 13 per cent claiming their love life is "disappointing" and a further 10 per cent calling it "non-existent".
The survey also found that the average young woman has sex three times a week but would prefer to do it five times.
Source: TOI
Perfect Sex Partners........
Do I have a perfect sex partner?" If not, how can I get one? Indeed a million dollar question that hovers in the minds of most couples!
Though it might be hard to find an absolute sexually compatible partner, but most couples don't even know the traits that they or their better half should posses to be a perfect sex partner.
Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. It allows them concentrate more on the act, instead of thinking too much about whether they're making love to the right person or not. When it comes to a perfect sex partner, attributes like height, weight, age, behaviour, choices etc take a backseat. What matters is that he/she suits you and shares an amazing chemistry in the bedroom.
Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert elucidates, "The idea of a perfect sex partner varies for different individuals, but some common traits like sexually active, experimental in bed, hygienically sound etc are a must, as they are the key for finding sexual bliss. Most couples today are working on their personal attributes to match their partner's prerequisites and thus become a perfect sex partner."
Apart from good looks, a hot body and a heady sex drive, let's explore the less superficial elements of what makes a perfect sex partner. And if your partner bears these qualities in bed, you can unquestionably boast of having a great sex partner...
1. Hygiene holds the key
Everyone likes making love to a clean and tidy partner, so good hygiene holds great importance in a sexual relationship. Ensure that your partner is well manicured with a fully waxed body to ensure a higher comfort level. Too much hair on body makes it uncomfortable to enjoy each inch of your lover. So look out for a soft and clean skin in your partner complemented with a nice smell, as a bad body odour is a huge turn-off.
Hot tip : "During sexual intimacy, everyone wants a hygienically fit partner, as this not only enhances the comfort level, but lets you enjoy the act more. So make sure you seem as fresh as if you have just stepped out of the shower before getting into bed. Sexual scents and aphrodisiacal fragrances are a good choice," recommends Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist.
2. Oral sex shouldn't be an issue
You know what pleases you, so a wonderful partner to have in bed is one who doesn't hesitate going out of the way to give you that pleasure. If not routinely, your partner should be ready to please you orally as per their own mood and comfort level. While no one is perfectly adept at the oral act, but a partner who tries learning the little tricks to arouse you can surely add magic to your love life.
Hot tip : "Don't wait for your partner to tell you or give hints each time they feel like experiencing oral pleasure, instead make it a part of the love making act. It is quite safe and enjoyable as the actual act, so don't be unwilling to go for it," states Dr. Deepak Gupta, a sex expert.
3. Be an adventure lover
Intimacy and passion gets killed if you have a boring partner, who is having sex for the sake of it. Ensure that he/she makes every effort to heighten the sensation by exploring their adventurous side. Having a partner who is open to trying new sexual pleasures is a definite bonus. Right from participating in dirty talks, taking chocolate baths with you, trying out new positions to indulging in naughty love games, he/she should be keen to try sex escapades that make them a perfect bedroom partner.
Hot tip : "Like a weekend getaway gives you a much needed break, sex also can become monotonous after a sluggish period. To liven it up, you need to think out-of-the-box and try all kinds of sexual adventures that ensure a gratifying experience," shares Dr. Kirti.
4. A sexy shape can do wonders
Though weighty issues shouldn't come in way of your sexual pleasure, yet it's natural to look for a partner sans love handles or a bulging belly as an overweight partner can mar your sexual life. Being in top shape gives your body greater flexibility and accentuates your bedroom performance. If seeing your partner semi-naked makes you feel irresistible and you can't think of anything except sex, what else you can ask for!
Hot tip : "Good body shape is always welcomed and what adds to your sex appeal is an appropriate dressing sense with which you can underline your positive features and gear up for a hot bedroom romp. To be a perfect partner in bed, try shedding the accumulated fat on your belly or butt area to boost your performance," suggests Dr. Roy.
5. Propose newer things
It's excellent to take charge in bed sans any inhibitions. But what makes sex even more special is to bring new-fangled sex ideas and implement them. A vivid imagination and voracious desires can contribute to healthy sexuality. With an avid sex lover who is willing to try arousing positions in bed, use sex toys, suggest new ways to climax, explore alternate seduction techniques and foreplay acts, the sex romp can be one of its kind.
Hot tip : "Being innovative is good, but it is of no use if you confine this sexual knowledge just to yourself. Hence, be more forthcoming in your approach and propose new ways to improve your bedroom pleasure and perform actively," advices Dr. Kirti.
6. Fantasy sharing does magic
Communication holds the key to sexual pleasure, so a partner who is keen to discuss their wildest dreams and desires in bed can make sex a heavenly act. No partner can be tagged as sexually perfect until they are open about discussing their innate sexual preferences, as these tell the partner how they can perform. Look out for a partner who is not only open about their fantasies, but also invites you to share yours with a reassurance to fulfill them with ease.
Hot tip : "If you cannot be outspoken about your sexual fantasies, you may resort to measures like penning them down or recording them on a tape. But ensure that it reaches your partner at the right time before you slip between the sheets," says Dr. Gupta.
Source: TOI
Though it might be hard to find an absolute sexually compatible partner, but most couples don't even know the traits that they or their better half should posses to be a perfect sex partner.
Having an outstanding sex partner takes a huge burden off an individual's mind. It allows them concentrate more on the act, instead of thinking too much about whether they're making love to the right person or not. When it comes to a perfect sex partner, attributes like height, weight, age, behaviour, choices etc take a backseat. What matters is that he/she suits you and shares an amazing chemistry in the bedroom.
Dr. Kirti Mishra, a clinical physiologist and a relationship expert elucidates, "The idea of a perfect sex partner varies for different individuals, but some common traits like sexually active, experimental in bed, hygienically sound etc are a must, as they are the key for finding sexual bliss. Most couples today are working on their personal attributes to match their partner's prerequisites and thus become a perfect sex partner."
Apart from good looks, a hot body and a heady sex drive, let's explore the less superficial elements of what makes a perfect sex partner. And if your partner bears these qualities in bed, you can unquestionably boast of having a great sex partner...
1. Hygiene holds the key
Everyone likes making love to a clean and tidy partner, so good hygiene holds great importance in a sexual relationship. Ensure that your partner is well manicured with a fully waxed body to ensure a higher comfort level. Too much hair on body makes it uncomfortable to enjoy each inch of your lover. So look out for a soft and clean skin in your partner complemented with a nice smell, as a bad body odour is a huge turn-off.
Hot tip : "During sexual intimacy, everyone wants a hygienically fit partner, as this not only enhances the comfort level, but lets you enjoy the act more. So make sure you seem as fresh as if you have just stepped out of the shower before getting into bed. Sexual scents and aphrodisiacal fragrances are a good choice," recommends Dr. Devesh Roy, a sex therapist.
2. Oral sex shouldn't be an issue
You know what pleases you, so a wonderful partner to have in bed is one who doesn't hesitate going out of the way to give you that pleasure. If not routinely, your partner should be ready to please you orally as per their own mood and comfort level. While no one is perfectly adept at the oral act, but a partner who tries learning the little tricks to arouse you can surely add magic to your love life.
Hot tip : "Don't wait for your partner to tell you or give hints each time they feel like experiencing oral pleasure, instead make it a part of the love making act. It is quite safe and enjoyable as the actual act, so don't be unwilling to go for it," states Dr. Deepak Gupta, a sex expert.
3. Be an adventure lover
Intimacy and passion gets killed if you have a boring partner, who is having sex for the sake of it. Ensure that he/she makes every effort to heighten the sensation by exploring their adventurous side. Having a partner who is open to trying new sexual pleasures is a definite bonus. Right from participating in dirty talks, taking chocolate baths with you, trying out new positions to indulging in naughty love games, he/she should be keen to try sex escapades that make them a perfect bedroom partner.
Hot tip : "Like a weekend getaway gives you a much needed break, sex also can become monotonous after a sluggish period. To liven it up, you need to think out-of-the-box and try all kinds of sexual adventures that ensure a gratifying experience," shares Dr. Kirti.
4. A sexy shape can do wonders
Though weighty issues shouldn't come in way of your sexual pleasure, yet it's natural to look for a partner sans love handles or a bulging belly as an overweight partner can mar your sexual life. Being in top shape gives your body greater flexibility and accentuates your bedroom performance. If seeing your partner semi-naked makes you feel irresistible and you can't think of anything except sex, what else you can ask for!
Hot tip : "Good body shape is always welcomed and what adds to your sex appeal is an appropriate dressing sense with which you can underline your positive features and gear up for a hot bedroom romp. To be a perfect partner in bed, try shedding the accumulated fat on your belly or butt area to boost your performance," suggests Dr. Roy.
5. Propose newer things
It's excellent to take charge in bed sans any inhibitions. But what makes sex even more special is to bring new-fangled sex ideas and implement them. A vivid imagination and voracious desires can contribute to healthy sexuality. With an avid sex lover who is willing to try arousing positions in bed, use sex toys, suggest new ways to climax, explore alternate seduction techniques and foreplay acts, the sex romp can be one of its kind.
Hot tip : "Being innovative is good, but it is of no use if you confine this sexual knowledge just to yourself. Hence, be more forthcoming in your approach and propose new ways to improve your bedroom pleasure and perform actively," advices Dr. Kirti.
6. Fantasy sharing does magic
Communication holds the key to sexual pleasure, so a partner who is keen to discuss their wildest dreams and desires in bed can make sex a heavenly act. No partner can be tagged as sexually perfect until they are open about discussing their innate sexual preferences, as these tell the partner how they can perform. Look out for a partner who is not only open about their fantasies, but also invites you to share yours with a reassurance to fulfill them with ease.
Hot tip : "If you cannot be outspoken about your sexual fantasies, you may resort to measures like penning them down or recording them on a tape. But ensure that it reaches your partner at the right time before you slip between the sheets," says Dr. Gupta.
Source: TOI
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Lies That Women Tell.............. ; )
Though a recent study claims that a woman's face is like an open book that reveals her state of mind, but men need to beware!
Better not take it as the last verdict, for irrespective of how much you trust and adore your little angel, women do lie to their significant others at times.
Sometimes to carry off a situation without hurting his feelings or to save herself from trouble, while on occasions to contain her emotions and pose as Ms. Goody...popping casual, white lies is no big deal for women when it comes to playing it safe in the relationship.
White lies are no big blunders or massive betrayals, but small lies or 'truth manipulated' to handle a situation. At times she might fib to make her man feel better, to avoid a fight, or an embarrassing situation.
Here's a little help so that men can figure out when their adorable darling is not speaking her heart out and help them handle the situation with care...
Lie #1: "Oh! It's fine. I'm OK"
Guards on guys! You must know that she's not fine at all and nothing is OK. And sooner or later you will have to bear the burnt of her pent up emotions that she has somehow managed to hold back until now. You'll find her taking this emotional defense on occasions when you may have forgotten her birthday, taken her for granted or have done anything that hurts her.
"Whenever my girlfriend lets go off my not so fatal error with a cool 'it's fine', I know it's nothing but the calm before a cyclone that I am fated to face in the time to come," shares Sandeep Sharma, a Delhi-based management student.
To portray that she doesn't care, the emotional lady prefers taking a refuge in this lie. Charu Marwah, a software engineer admits, "I prefer staying that 'It's OK' because if I react I'll be blamed of being a constant cribber, who is in complaining mode always. Though, I actually want him to go down on his knees and plead forgiveness."
Lie detector : Well, an experienced lover would know of the crime that he has committed, but the amateurs should look out for her reactions. She might not get vocal, but will do everything to make you feel guilty about the fact that you have hurt her. From being tight-lipped to giving the briefest responses that don't go beyond 'hmms, huhs or yes and no', to mean tones and loads of sarcasm - are a few hints that you can look out for. "Women have a tendency of expecting their man to understand the said, as well as the unsaid, and that leaves men in a dicey situation. And even here, by keeping quite or going away with a small 'I'm fine', she expects him to know that she’s hurt," explains psychologist, Dr. Aruna Broota.
Lie # 2: "I love you for what you are"
...and I don't want you to change. Well, may God be your saviour if you believe her for this. No wonders, if sheer pampering or impressing you might strictly be on her mind when she's saying this. "I just loved my wife whenever she averred this phrase. But gradually the knick-picking started and reality dawned upon me. At times it was my eating choice that bugged her, while at others it was my dressing style that she wanted to improve. Yet she continued to tell the blatant lie that she loved me for what I was," complained Madhukar Suhas, a Mumbai-based advertising professional.
Agreed, that you don't like this lie. But just imagine how it would feel if on your face she told you much she hated your paunch or how bad you looked in those lose-fitted denims. Thank her appreciating you taking care of your confidence levels.
"What do I do? I have to blow his trumpet when he does the right thing. After all, it was his qualities only that I married him for. And also, it becomes important to boost his confidence at times and those words just have the right impact," says Madhu Chandra, a Delhi-based-teacher.
Lie detector : If you start observing the occasions when she backs this mushy phrase, you might just realise she's not lying at all. On most of the occasions it comes when you have made her happy with anything like a gift, a movie, a romantic dinner or for that matter by doing anything and everything that she loves. You were good to her and that's your innate quality, which made her fall for you.
Lie # 3: You stare, I don't care!
Either you are too lucky to have the coolest woman by your side, or you are getting an inflated ego without any reason if you believe her on this. No matter how hard she tries to look cool and composed, but the fact remains that no woman loves it when her man ogles at another woman. "After all, who wants to feel like second best? And the 'I don't care attitude' is usually to hide the vulnerability and a pretence. Most women hate their man staring at another woman," confesses Radhika Khattar, a Delhi-based housewife.
Lie detector : She doesn't want to show you how she's feeling and is no less desperate to tell you that you are torturing her to the core. Well, easy indications to know she's lying can be the trail of questions she'll end up asking you. Casually and candidly she'll ask you things like 'Isn't she hot?' 'What makes her so hot? 'Did you like her?' She might appear to be your best buddy, but actually she wants to ask you, 'Do I score less that the chic you are ogling at?' And your answer will decide your fate not immediately, but definitely in the future, so better beware of what you say!
Lie # 4: Your friends are cool!
This might not be a lie always, but many a times your friends are nothing but a 'passion spoiler' for your girl, especially when they pop up during private moments. "When we started dating, on many occasions we went out with my friends. And every time I used to ask her, 'I hope you are enjoying?' she answered, 'They're cool!' The real shock came when one day I was planning another group date and she gave me a good piece of her mind. It's then that I realised that she didn't love them as much I thought she did. But she could have initially told me," says Rajat Sarin, a 20-year-old college student.
"Most of the times women end up praising your friends for you. They don't want to hurt you by revealing the truth and hope that you'll understand without saying, which usually doesn't happen," explains psychologist, Dr Sameer Parekh.
Lie detector : A sure shot hint to the lie is written on her face. Despite being in the group she'll remain an outsider. The smile that's usually worth a million dollars might just look purely artificial and forced. Her replies to all your enquiries will end in a cover up lie, 'I'm fine sweet heart' or 'I'm enjoying myself' and that takes you to Lie #1. So, when you get something like this from your girl, understand that you are getting into too much buddy-bonding!
Lie # 5: Tell me, trust me I won't get angry
This one is tricky, leaving you with a ditch on one side and a bigger ditch on the other. This lie is usually thrown at you when she wants an honest opinion and knows what it can be, but still wants to hear it. Beware guys! Irrespective of what you say, she is going to get furious for sure. This usually happens in questions related to her looks, the food that she cooks, that tangy orange shirt she brought for you etc.
"Sometimes it is tough to handle. Once, my wife asked my honest opinion on a super tight dress that she had worn. And, I told her honestly that she was looking like a stuffed pillow and she was mad at me. Taking cues from my past experience; on another occasion I did my best to flatter her. To my sheer surprise, even that made her angry and she blamed me for not being a fair critic," complains Suraj Malhotra, a Delhi-based architect.
Lie detector : Well, there's no detector for this one, for undoubtedly she's lying. Then what's the solution? Answers Parekh, "It's not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner, rather than a striking taunt on her looks. So, without being too critical or over flattering, just tell her that she needs to work out on her minuses."
PHEW! This was from us. Now it's your turn to share the sweet and salty white lies that you tell your man or your wife pours on you to leave you playing a guessing game of truth and false.
Source: TOI
Better not take it as the last verdict, for irrespective of how much you trust and adore your little angel, women do lie to their significant others at times.
Sometimes to carry off a situation without hurting his feelings or to save herself from trouble, while on occasions to contain her emotions and pose as Ms. Goody...popping casual, white lies is no big deal for women when it comes to playing it safe in the relationship.
White lies are no big blunders or massive betrayals, but small lies or 'truth manipulated' to handle a situation. At times she might fib to make her man feel better, to avoid a fight, or an embarrassing situation.
Here's a little help so that men can figure out when their adorable darling is not speaking her heart out and help them handle the situation with care...
Lie #1: "Oh! It's fine. I'm OK"
Guards on guys! You must know that she's not fine at all and nothing is OK. And sooner or later you will have to bear the burnt of her pent up emotions that she has somehow managed to hold back until now. You'll find her taking this emotional defense on occasions when you may have forgotten her birthday, taken her for granted or have done anything that hurts her.
"Whenever my girlfriend lets go off my not so fatal error with a cool 'it's fine', I know it's nothing but the calm before a cyclone that I am fated to face in the time to come," shares Sandeep Sharma, a Delhi-based management student.
To portray that she doesn't care, the emotional lady prefers taking a refuge in this lie. Charu Marwah, a software engineer admits, "I prefer staying that 'It's OK' because if I react I'll be blamed of being a constant cribber, who is in complaining mode always. Though, I actually want him to go down on his knees and plead forgiveness."
Lie detector : Well, an experienced lover would know of the crime that he has committed, but the amateurs should look out for her reactions. She might not get vocal, but will do everything to make you feel guilty about the fact that you have hurt her. From being tight-lipped to giving the briefest responses that don't go beyond 'hmms, huhs or yes and no', to mean tones and loads of sarcasm - are a few hints that you can look out for. "Women have a tendency of expecting their man to understand the said, as well as the unsaid, and that leaves men in a dicey situation. And even here, by keeping quite or going away with a small 'I'm fine', she expects him to know that she’s hurt," explains psychologist, Dr. Aruna Broota.
Lie # 2: "I love you for what you are"
...and I don't want you to change. Well, may God be your saviour if you believe her for this. No wonders, if sheer pampering or impressing you might strictly be on her mind when she's saying this. "I just loved my wife whenever she averred this phrase. But gradually the knick-picking started and reality dawned upon me. At times it was my eating choice that bugged her, while at others it was my dressing style that she wanted to improve. Yet she continued to tell the blatant lie that she loved me for what I was," complained Madhukar Suhas, a Mumbai-based advertising professional.
Agreed, that you don't like this lie. But just imagine how it would feel if on your face she told you much she hated your paunch or how bad you looked in those lose-fitted denims. Thank her appreciating you taking care of your confidence levels.
"What do I do? I have to blow his trumpet when he does the right thing. After all, it was his qualities only that I married him for. And also, it becomes important to boost his confidence at times and those words just have the right impact," says Madhu Chandra, a Delhi-based-teacher.
Lie detector : If you start observing the occasions when she backs this mushy phrase, you might just realise she's not lying at all. On most of the occasions it comes when you have made her happy with anything like a gift, a movie, a romantic dinner or for that matter by doing anything and everything that she loves. You were good to her and that's your innate quality, which made her fall for you.
Lie # 3: You stare, I don't care!
Either you are too lucky to have the coolest woman by your side, or you are getting an inflated ego without any reason if you believe her on this. No matter how hard she tries to look cool and composed, but the fact remains that no woman loves it when her man ogles at another woman. "After all, who wants to feel like second best? And the 'I don't care attitude' is usually to hide the vulnerability and a pretence. Most women hate their man staring at another woman," confesses Radhika Khattar, a Delhi-based housewife.
Lie detector : She doesn't want to show you how she's feeling and is no less desperate to tell you that you are torturing her to the core. Well, easy indications to know she's lying can be the trail of questions she'll end up asking you. Casually and candidly she'll ask you things like 'Isn't she hot?' 'What makes her so hot? 'Did you like her?' She might appear to be your best buddy, but actually she wants to ask you, 'Do I score less that the chic you are ogling at?' And your answer will decide your fate not immediately, but definitely in the future, so better beware of what you say!
Lie # 4: Your friends are cool!
This might not be a lie always, but many a times your friends are nothing but a 'passion spoiler' for your girl, especially when they pop up during private moments. "When we started dating, on many occasions we went out with my friends. And every time I used to ask her, 'I hope you are enjoying?' she answered, 'They're cool!' The real shock came when one day I was planning another group date and she gave me a good piece of her mind. It's then that I realised that she didn't love them as much I thought she did. But she could have initially told me," says Rajat Sarin, a 20-year-old college student.
"Most of the times women end up praising your friends for you. They don't want to hurt you by revealing the truth and hope that you'll understand without saying, which usually doesn't happen," explains psychologist, Dr Sameer Parekh.
Lie detector : A sure shot hint to the lie is written on her face. Despite being in the group she'll remain an outsider. The smile that's usually worth a million dollars might just look purely artificial and forced. Her replies to all your enquiries will end in a cover up lie, 'I'm fine sweet heart' or 'I'm enjoying myself' and that takes you to Lie #1. So, when you get something like this from your girl, understand that you are getting into too much buddy-bonding!
Lie # 5: Tell me, trust me I won't get angry
This one is tricky, leaving you with a ditch on one side and a bigger ditch on the other. This lie is usually thrown at you when she wants an honest opinion and knows what it can be, but still wants to hear it. Beware guys! Irrespective of what you say, she is going to get furious for sure. This usually happens in questions related to her looks, the food that she cooks, that tangy orange shirt she brought for you etc.
"Sometimes it is tough to handle. Once, my wife asked my honest opinion on a super tight dress that she had worn. And, I told her honestly that she was looking like a stuffed pillow and she was mad at me. Taking cues from my past experience; on another occasion I did my best to flatter her. To my sheer surprise, even that made her angry and she blamed me for not being a fair critic," complains Suraj Malhotra, a Delhi-based architect.
Lie detector : Well, there's no detector for this one, for undoubtedly she's lying. Then what's the solution? Answers Parekh, "It's not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner, rather than a striking taunt on her looks. So, without being too critical or over flattering, just tell her that she needs to work out on her minuses."
PHEW! This was from us. Now it's your turn to share the sweet and salty white lies that you tell your man or your wife pours on you to leave you playing a guessing game of truth and false.
Source: TOI
Thursday, February 12, 2009
10 Kissin Commandments...............
"Our date was extremely romantic, until I offered to seal the night with a kiss, which unexpectedly turned out to be quite awkward. While, I was gravely ashamed, she never came back," shares 23-year-old, Rishi Gulati (name changed on request), a sad victim of a kissing-faux-pas.
Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts.
Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'...
1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish
Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt!
2. Thou shall open your mouth with care
"My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect.
While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, “start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.
3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.
Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.
4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.
5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. “Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face,” suggests Cane. Don’t get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.
6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.
7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.
8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."
Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.
9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. “Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.
10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.
Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts.
Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'...
1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish
Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt!
2. Thou shall open your mouth with care
"My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect.
While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, “start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.
3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.
Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.
4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.
5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. “Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face,” suggests Cane. Don’t get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.
6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.
7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.
8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."
Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.
9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. “Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.
10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Is Your Partner Cheating on You??.....
Infidelity seems to have become synonymous with relationships in today's fast paced, urban life. So, if your partner is temperamental, spending less time with you, or saying no to sex much too often, there are chances that he/she is having an affair.
While accepting this may be easier said than done, but it is certainly better to know the bitter truth than to hurt yourself and regret later. Here are some signs to watch out for...
Is he/she distancing himself/herself from you?
If there is an uncomfortable distance between both of you and you are clueless as to how to bridge the gap or if your partner has been ignoring you recently, it is likely that he is looking for affection outside your relationship. Sudden changes in his/her behaviour may be the tell tale signs of an affair.
Anuradha Taneja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker confesses, "I have been feeling distanced from my husband in the last few months. He is never interested in listening to me. Whenever I ask him for advice, he asks me to take my own decisions, he keeps himself pre-occupied with work and his friends and it seems as if he is deliberately avoiding me. I am confused and helpless."
Tell tale signs: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor suggests, "It is normal for stress and work pressures to create conflicts between couples occasionally. However, if it is happening too often, it is important for couples to share their concerns. Communication is the most effective way to bring you closer."
Is he/she losing interest in sex?
Is he/she temperamental when it comes to getting physically intimate? Does he/she make excuses for not having sex with you? Avoiding intimacy is a sure shot sign to figure out that that your partner is losing interest in you. While it is normal for such incidents to happen occasionally, but if you have been observing these traits much too frequently, there's a possibility that he/she is cheating on you.
Devendra Rai (name changed on request), 29, who works with a multinational company in Gurgaon says, "My wife is just not into me from the last few months. Whenever I try to get intimate with her, she either tells me that she is too tired to have sex or is not in the mood. She is irritable and is losing interest in me. I have even tried talking to her about the problem, but she keeps avoiding these conversations."
Agreeing with Devendra, Kriti Kapoor (name changed on request), 35, a businesswoman, confesses, "My husband had been losing interest in sex since last few months. Even when I tried to take an initiative, he told me he is not in the mood and avoided me. I recently got to know through a common friend that he has an affair with his college friend who was also his ex girlfriend. I didn't trust my friend until I saw them together at a pub late night where I had gone to attend my friend's party."
Tell tale signs: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues suggests, "It is vital for couples to share their expectations when it comes to physical intimacy. Distancing yourself from each other will only add to the problems. Physical display of affection is important to sustain a relationship."
Does he/she argue with you on petty issues?
If your partner is irritable or argumentative on petty issues, looks for reasons to initiate a heated discussion and never respects your opinion, it may be a sign of trouble brewing in your paradise. Accretion of these signals could point to something more ominous happening in your world.
Poonam Biswas (name changed on request), 27, who works with an advertising agency confesses, "My boyfriend has been behaving absurdly in the last few weeks. We just don't seem to agree on anything. He finds faults with everything I say and accuses me of being overtly possessive. I have noted a drastic change in his behaviour suddenly."
Tell tale signs: "Mutual trust and understanding is the key to a successful relationship. Suspecting each other puts a serious dent in your relationship and the damages are often irrecoverable. You may not agree on everything, but it is necessary to respect each other's opinions during a conversation," adds Manmeet.
What does his body language say?
Observing your partner's body language may be an effective way to find out if he is losing interest in you. As the old adage goes, 'Actions speak louder than words'. So, if he/she is just not into you anymore, his/her body language will tell all.
Anuj Mittal (name changed on request), 32, who works at a private bank in Delhi says, "My wife and I have recently started arguing more often in the last six months. She comes back late from work and often tells me that she has to go out for dinner with one of her clients. When I tried asking her about her associations, she gets offended and looks nervous, she starts fumbling and walks out of the room. For the next one week, she avoids talking to me. I later read an SMS on her cell phone from her client asking her to meet him for a movie. I just couldn't believe it. She later confessed to me that she was having an affair with him and now wants a divorce from me."
Tell tale signs: Savita Mishra, a body language expert explains, "Your body language influences what other people think or feel about you. Say, if you have a habit of touching your nose while having a conversation, it can be perceived as a sign of deception. Not maintaining eye contact, looking away, sweating heavily may also be some signs by which you can identify dishonesty. When people are being dishonest, their gestures and words aren't in sync. If he/she assumes a defensive position or immediately changes the subject, gets up from the chair and suddenly walks out of the room, it may mean that they are lying and are getting defensive."
Does he/she compare/criticise you?
If your man/woman keeps criticising your appearance, your attire, your behaviour or compares you with his/her colleagues or his/her friend's girlfriend/boyfriend, you can assume that he/she is looking for lame excuses to part from you. It may be the right time to tell your partner 'Enough is enough'.
Tanvi Mitra (name changed on request), 26, a PR professional agrees, "My hubby has been behaving strangely over the last few months. He has a very close friend at his workplace who is a lady and he always keeps comparing me with her. It annoys me, but whenever I try to explain my feelings to him he gets irritated."
Tell tale signs: "Mocking or criticising your partner is equivalent to disrespecting him/her. Even if your relationship is going through a rough patch, it is best to keep yourself from venting out your frustration on each other," says Archana Nanda, a psychologist.
Does he/she hide things from you?
The easiest way to find out whether or not your partner is having an affair is to keenly observe his behaviour and his belongings. If he/she is too possessive about his/her laptop, leaves the room whenever he/she is on phone or deletes messages from his/her message box and is cautious while checking his E-mails when you are around, there is definitely something that he is hiding from you.
Priyanka Ahuja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker shares, "My husband is very possessive about his mails and cell phone. In fact, I recently came to know that he has another cell phone which I wasn't aware of. Whenever I ask him about his whereabouts, he says, 'I am out for some work'. He also avoids taking my calls. I am feeling insecure and helpless."
Tell tale signs: "If you are confused as to whether your suspicions are real or it's just the fear of losing your partner, it is important to be sure before accusing your partner of having an affair. It is also important to weigh your options before causing damage to your relationship," adds Archana.
Does he avoid taking you out for parties/dinners?
If your partner leaves for work early and comes back late, evades spending time at home, often goes out for business trips or official parties and deliberately avoids taking you along, is reluctant to introduce you to his friends/colleagues or avoids being spotted with you in public places, you are most likely being duped.
Yamini Sachdev (name changed on request), 34, who works with an insurance company in Indore says, "My husband never takes me along to his official parties, whereas his colleagues bring along their spouses on some occasions. He keeps talking on the phone for late hours and whenever I ask him, he just says that he is on an official call."
"Infidelity can be a painful experience. If either you or your partner have been unfaithful, it would be better to discuss the reasons that caused you to seek love outside your relationship. Finding the causes of the problem may give you a better understanding of the situation. You may also seek professional help if required," suggests Manmeet.
rakshita.pandey@indiatimes.co.in
Source:TOI
While accepting this may be easier said than done, but it is certainly better to know the bitter truth than to hurt yourself and regret later. Here are some signs to watch out for...
Is he/she distancing himself/herself from you?
If there is an uncomfortable distance between both of you and you are clueless as to how to bridge the gap or if your partner has been ignoring you recently, it is likely that he is looking for affection outside your relationship. Sudden changes in his/her behaviour may be the tell tale signs of an affair.
Anuradha Taneja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker confesses, "I have been feeling distanced from my husband in the last few months. He is never interested in listening to me. Whenever I ask him for advice, he asks me to take my own decisions, he keeps himself pre-occupied with work and his friends and it seems as if he is deliberately avoiding me. I am confused and helpless."
Tell tale signs: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor suggests, "It is normal for stress and work pressures to create conflicts between couples occasionally. However, if it is happening too often, it is important for couples to share their concerns. Communication is the most effective way to bring you closer."
Is he/she losing interest in sex?
Is he/she temperamental when it comes to getting physically intimate? Does he/she make excuses for not having sex with you? Avoiding intimacy is a sure shot sign to figure out that that your partner is losing interest in you. While it is normal for such incidents to happen occasionally, but if you have been observing these traits much too frequently, there's a possibility that he/she is cheating on you.
Devendra Rai (name changed on request), 29, who works with a multinational company in Gurgaon says, "My wife is just not into me from the last few months. Whenever I try to get intimate with her, she either tells me that she is too tired to have sex or is not in the mood. She is irritable and is losing interest in me. I have even tried talking to her about the problem, but she keeps avoiding these conversations."
Agreeing with Devendra, Kriti Kapoor (name changed on request), 35, a businesswoman, confesses, "My husband had been losing interest in sex since last few months. Even when I tried to take an initiative, he told me he is not in the mood and avoided me. I recently got to know through a common friend that he has an affair with his college friend who was also his ex girlfriend. I didn't trust my friend until I saw them together at a pub late night where I had gone to attend my friend's party."
Tell tale signs: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues suggests, "It is vital for couples to share their expectations when it comes to physical intimacy. Distancing yourself from each other will only add to the problems. Physical display of affection is important to sustain a relationship."
Does he/she argue with you on petty issues?
If your partner is irritable or argumentative on petty issues, looks for reasons to initiate a heated discussion and never respects your opinion, it may be a sign of trouble brewing in your paradise. Accretion of these signals could point to something more ominous happening in your world.
Poonam Biswas (name changed on request), 27, who works with an advertising agency confesses, "My boyfriend has been behaving absurdly in the last few weeks. We just don't seem to agree on anything. He finds faults with everything I say and accuses me of being overtly possessive. I have noted a drastic change in his behaviour suddenly."
Tell tale signs: "Mutual trust and understanding is the key to a successful relationship. Suspecting each other puts a serious dent in your relationship and the damages are often irrecoverable. You may not agree on everything, but it is necessary to respect each other's opinions during a conversation," adds Manmeet.
What does his body language say?
Observing your partner's body language may be an effective way to find out if he is losing interest in you. As the old adage goes, 'Actions speak louder than words'. So, if he/she is just not into you anymore, his/her body language will tell all.
Anuj Mittal (name changed on request), 32, who works at a private bank in Delhi says, "My wife and I have recently started arguing more often in the last six months. She comes back late from work and often tells me that she has to go out for dinner with one of her clients. When I tried asking her about her associations, she gets offended and looks nervous, she starts fumbling and walks out of the room. For the next one week, she avoids talking to me. I later read an SMS on her cell phone from her client asking her to meet him for a movie. I just couldn't believe it. She later confessed to me that she was having an affair with him and now wants a divorce from me."
Tell tale signs: Savita Mishra, a body language expert explains, "Your body language influences what other people think or feel about you. Say, if you have a habit of touching your nose while having a conversation, it can be perceived as a sign of deception. Not maintaining eye contact, looking away, sweating heavily may also be some signs by which you can identify dishonesty. When people are being dishonest, their gestures and words aren't in sync. If he/she assumes a defensive position or immediately changes the subject, gets up from the chair and suddenly walks out of the room, it may mean that they are lying and are getting defensive."
Does he/she compare/criticise you?
If your man/woman keeps criticising your appearance, your attire, your behaviour or compares you with his/her colleagues or his/her friend's girlfriend/boyfriend, you can assume that he/she is looking for lame excuses to part from you. It may be the right time to tell your partner 'Enough is enough'.
Tanvi Mitra (name changed on request), 26, a PR professional agrees, "My hubby has been behaving strangely over the last few months. He has a very close friend at his workplace who is a lady and he always keeps comparing me with her. It annoys me, but whenever I try to explain my feelings to him he gets irritated."
Tell tale signs: "Mocking or criticising your partner is equivalent to disrespecting him/her. Even if your relationship is going through a rough patch, it is best to keep yourself from venting out your frustration on each other," says Archana Nanda, a psychologist.
Does he/she hide things from you?
The easiest way to find out whether or not your partner is having an affair is to keenly observe his behaviour and his belongings. If he/she is too possessive about his/her laptop, leaves the room whenever he/she is on phone or deletes messages from his/her message box and is cautious while checking his E-mails when you are around, there is definitely something that he is hiding from you.
Priyanka Ahuja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker shares, "My husband is very possessive about his mails and cell phone. In fact, I recently came to know that he has another cell phone which I wasn't aware of. Whenever I ask him about his whereabouts, he says, 'I am out for some work'. He also avoids taking my calls. I am feeling insecure and helpless."
Tell tale signs: "If you are confused as to whether your suspicions are real or it's just the fear of losing your partner, it is important to be sure before accusing your partner of having an affair. It is also important to weigh your options before causing damage to your relationship," adds Archana.
Does he avoid taking you out for parties/dinners?
If your partner leaves for work early and comes back late, evades spending time at home, often goes out for business trips or official parties and deliberately avoids taking you along, is reluctant to introduce you to his friends/colleagues or avoids being spotted with you in public places, you are most likely being duped.
Yamini Sachdev (name changed on request), 34, who works with an insurance company in Indore says, "My husband never takes me along to his official parties, whereas his colleagues bring along their spouses on some occasions. He keeps talking on the phone for late hours and whenever I ask him, he just says that he is on an official call."
"Infidelity can be a painful experience. If either you or your partner have been unfaithful, it would be better to discuss the reasons that caused you to seek love outside your relationship. Finding the causes of the problem may give you a better understanding of the situation. You may also seek professional help if required," suggests Manmeet.
rakshita.pandey@indiatimes.co.in
Source:TOI
Top 10 sizzling sex secrets revealed!
Want to spice up your bedroom life? Well then here's a new book that offers you some red-hot tips, which will take your sex life to new heights
Sizzling Sex , written by Dr Pam Spurr, is full of fun and saucy advice, reports the Sun . It offers 250 tips altogether including kissing techniques, naughty positions, games with food and lots more.
Here are 10 of the best bits of advice from the book:
For women
1. A lip-smacking kiss: By alternating the movement of your tongue between a swirling action and a poking action, amazing sensations are created.
2. Perfectly sexy pinching: Slowly introduce a pinching sensation and she may start to feel incredibly aroused.
3. The ‘Naughty Dog’ Kiss: This kiss is perfect for stimulating her by using it on different parts of her body. What you need to do is allow your tongue to relax.
4. The Roman Bath: Ask her to share a bath with you. Add some aromatherapy oil and slip in first. Ask her to get in and sit inside your legs with her back towards you. Trickle some warm water from a face cloth down her neck and back and gently kiss the back of her neck with your lips. Then slide your arms around her ribcage and stroke the whole of her breasts.
For men
5. Buff him up: Tell him you want to enhance his sense of touch and offer to exfoliate his chest and neck area.
6. Turn it into an SEP - Simple Erotic Pleasure: Take the exfoliating scrub, rub it between your fingertips and then gently circle the skin on his chest and neck area with it. Whenever you kiss these areas during foreplay it will feel far more sensitive to him.
7. Footie Heaven: Men have incredibly sensitive feet. And by stimulating different points on his feet you'll send pulses of pleasure up through his body.
8. Inner Wrist Magic: While you're kissing him is to begin stroking his inner wrist. This is an incredible erogenous zone that's definitely neglected in men.
9. The pearl necklace technique: Get out an old beaded necklace - a fake pearl one is ideal. Touch his moan zones with your hands and with lashings of lubricant start moving them up and down.
For both men and women
10. Blindfolded lust: Put blindfolds on each other at some point during foreplay. Once blindfolded you'll be amazed at how quickly your skin comes to life as you are touched, and as you touch your lover.
Sizzling Sex , written by Dr Pam Spurr, is full of fun and saucy advice, reports the Sun . It offers 250 tips altogether including kissing techniques, naughty positions, games with food and lots more.
Here are 10 of the best bits of advice from the book:
For women
1. A lip-smacking kiss: By alternating the movement of your tongue between a swirling action and a poking action, amazing sensations are created.
2. Perfectly sexy pinching: Slowly introduce a pinching sensation and she may start to feel incredibly aroused.
3. The ‘Naughty Dog’ Kiss: This kiss is perfect for stimulating her by using it on different parts of her body. What you need to do is allow your tongue to relax.
4. The Roman Bath: Ask her to share a bath with you. Add some aromatherapy oil and slip in first. Ask her to get in and sit inside your legs with her back towards you. Trickle some warm water from a face cloth down her neck and back and gently kiss the back of her neck with your lips. Then slide your arms around her ribcage and stroke the whole of her breasts.
For men
5. Buff him up: Tell him you want to enhance his sense of touch and offer to exfoliate his chest and neck area.
6. Turn it into an SEP - Simple Erotic Pleasure: Take the exfoliating scrub, rub it between your fingertips and then gently circle the skin on his chest and neck area with it. Whenever you kiss these areas during foreplay it will feel far more sensitive to him.
7. Footie Heaven: Men have incredibly sensitive feet. And by stimulating different points on his feet you'll send pulses of pleasure up through his body.
8. Inner Wrist Magic: While you're kissing him is to begin stroking his inner wrist. This is an incredible erogenous zone that's definitely neglected in men.
9. The pearl necklace technique: Get out an old beaded necklace - a fake pearl one is ideal. Touch his moan zones with your hands and with lashings of lubricant start moving them up and down.
For both men and women
10. Blindfolded lust: Put blindfolds on each other at some point during foreplay. Once blindfolded you'll be amazed at how quickly your skin comes to life as you are touched, and as you touch your lover.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Dealing with the 'ex-files'...........
"The Do's and Dont's of Past Relationship..........."
You walked hand in hand once, but today, your directions have changed. The journey you planned to tread together has come to an end. And you are filled with a mixed bag of emotions and questions. Whether to keep in touch with your 'ex' or not? Would it be ok to take the 'friendly route' after a breakup or must you snap all communication? What's the ideal way to deal with our 'ex-files', we explore...Going through a barrage of emotions may be difficult to handle as you are eager to go back to a friendly camaraderie with your ex. But post a break-up, your actions, reactions and solutions depend upon the kind of relationship you shared. Interior designer Priya Gill, who never bid farewell to her past opines, "I don't see any reason why one should not keep in touch with his/her ex. You should know where to draw the line and pull back where you feel uncomfortable. The 'ex' is someone you know well (probably). If there was no disaster that happened or a bitter betrayal that snapped ties, why should you be rude and ignorant?"
In an ideal world, one would love to stay friends with their 'ex'. After all, they meant the world to each other at one point and also it's hard to let go. Journalist Kalpana Roy opines, "I personally have deleted my ex's contact details from my address book, cell phone and even my E-mails. But it didn't happen overnight. Though we ended our affair mutually, I kept chatting with them on a friendly basis initially. But then issues popped up, so it was best for me was to cut my exes out. I believe in living in the present".
So, is it better to leave no strings attached? Well, at least until you know you can manage to be friends, taking this route is easier. "It might just make dealing with your break-up more painful," answers psychologist Nimissha adding, "It is not that easy to cut the chord with the one you have shared a high level of intimacy. It completely depends on the nature of the break-up. Also, mutual understanding between the two matters while choosing to be in touch or not, so that there's no scope of misconceptions in the future. While being 'just friends' one has to clearly ascertain the boundaries".
Post break-up, one needs time to settle with one's own self. So, leaving each other alone is advisable. For a while till you have overcome your own conflicting emotions, stop running after each other, bombarding one another with phone calls, text messages and E-mails. Keep in mind the reasons of your break up, until your mind is in sync with your heart. Psychiatrist Dr Samir Praikh says, "It's not advisable to keep in touch with your 'ex' immediately after you have parted ways. Reduce the frequency of contacts to a bare minimum as this may drain one emotionally. It's very important to realise what you actually want - to keep in touch or move ahead in life".
At times, neither breaking ties is easy, nor is it convenient to be friends. "My 'ex' boyfriend was my close friend for more than one year. I wanted to be friends after we broke up. But then he wanted to get back together, which I wasn't in favour of. Finally, he chose to not being in touch and moving on. It's hard for me to deal with his absence as I still crave to know about his well-being once in while," relates Namita who is still trying to come in terms with her break up.
Sexual urges are another aspect that can't be ignored because it's only natural that you have shared some amount of intimacy with your ex. It's human to miss the sexual intimacy you once shared with your partner. As Priya says, "I am high on my urges. I felt awkward at first to reveal it to my ex, but then slowly we started chatting on friendly lines. I shared my sexual desires with him as a friend. And to my surprise I got the same response from my ex boyfriend who was also going through the same desires." Sexual temptations are natural as Dr Megha Kapoor says, "One night stands are common between old flames, but one should know each other's comfort levels. Remember once you have indulged in physical intimacy after a break up, there should be no room left for repentance as that will only worsen matters."
Just know that your ex may not have been the right person for you and be ready to move on...it's for the better! Apart from the said reasons, there are few things that one can do when it comes to dealing with your 'ex':
Accept it: "Accept the fact that you guys are not a couple any more and that your ex may even date others. That apart, you will have to find a healthy way to deal with the bitterness that may have been the reasons for your break up," confirms Nimissha. Share with caution – "There might be certain things that you both may have shared while you were together, just like a bank account that may be joint. So think of a way of sharing it with one another, but at he same time, find a way to control the nagging urge to go back," says Dr. Parikh.
No fix-it man: There is no reason why you should to be her fix-it man. "It is okay to help your ex out once in a while, but you have to make it clear that you are no more an active part of her daily life" adds Dr. Parikh.
Start fresh: You need to move on and this may not involve your ex. "You may need to seek for solace in a new friend, leaving your past behind. And learn that there's no harm in starting afresh," adds psychologist Megha Kapoor.
Be understanding: Until and unless you are ready to let go of your inner frustration, bitterness anger, you can't move on. "There might come times when you feel being used, abused and even taken advantage of. But that was the past and you have to deal with the present," adds Megha.
Source: TOI
Let's talk about sex baby..............
With kids being exposed today to a wide variety of sexual matters, topics like sex and relationships aren't considered a taboo anymore for modern day parents.
Yet it's shocking to observe the result of a new poll that declares that 'sex still continues being a taboo subject for parents'. In an era where we talk about imparting sex education to school students' right from their primary school days, it comes as an utter shock to see parents feeling shy about broaching the topic of sex with their children, especially teenage daughters. Avoiding conversations about puberty, not discussing sexual preferences or relationships in general, the survey Commissioned by the Girls Schools' Association revealed that over one third of parents found such talks hard to initiate. It's high time that parents come out of the shell and adopt a candid approach about sex. Dr. RK Gupta, a clinical physiologist, (dealing in behavioural problems of children), states, "In India, there's an obvious reluctance among parents when it comes to discussing sexuality or relationship with kids. While some stay silent assuming that the child is getting enough education in school on the subject, other believe that telling children about sex will encourage sexual experimentation, so they would rather focus on other areas like kids' academics and achievements, study habits, leisure time activities etc." Sharing her story, Indu Verma, mother to a 14-year-old daughter recalls, "I was apprehensive talking about sexuality with my daughter. Though she often approached me with certain queries related to sex, I would just ignore her concerns, presuming that it's not the right age for her and I was also worried that it may affect her mental growth. Moreover, I could never find an appropriate way in which I could start off a discussion with her, so I avoided such talks." Dr M Phani Prasant, a consultant psychiatrist, (Adult, Child, de-addiction), Care Hospital opines, "Worrying that discussing sex has negative consequences on a child's growth are nothing but myths holding parents back from adopting a candid approach towards their kids. They must stop assuming that sexuality is a natural process the child will gradually learn. Parents need to make up their mind first and then look for ways in which they can start off a conversation." Sex education involves more than just the biological mechanics of reproduction. Ideally, a variety of important topics should be covered including relationships and emotions, sexual feelings, values, gender roles, sexuality, sexually transmissible infections (STIs), pregnancy and birth control, safer sex practices and contraception, sexual acts other than intercourse, sexual problems, sexual preferences etc.
Ways in which parents can initiate talks related to sexuality with teenage kids
We get experts from different spheres to share ways in which parents can initiate talks related to sexuality and relationship with teenage kids.
Lay the building blocks : Talking about sexuality has to be a step-by-step process that starts from the basics and shifts to other verticals. Only when parents are comfortable in the initial stages, they can move ahead in the conversation. Dr Deepak Gupta, child and adolescent psychiatrist, Sir Gangaram Hospital elaborates, "Parents need to work on their own apprehensions.
Then they can start off with basics like body changes, hormonal growth and puberty, before progressing to environmental and social perspectives, relationship bonding and gender differences and finally sexuality issues. In this way, neither the child feels awkward nor would parents face any difficulty in making them understand the intimate details."
Pick hints from TV, movies : Enough of switching off the TV or changing the channel every time you come across a contraceptive commercial or an intimate film scene. Instead of an embarrassing facial expression, use the opportunity to educate your child about sexuality using these references.
Dr Prasant adds, "As sexuality has become so obvious on screen, parents can utilise it as a resource to open up with their young ones. Discussing such scenes and advertisements doesn't mean being too explicit in your approach, but it's about dealing with the questions and doubts that a child may nurture and at the same time giving them the desired information about an otherwise forbidden subject."
Seek media help : Society today is flooded with sexual images from the media and a teenager's perception of sex and sexuality can be skewed by incorrect or misleading information from a variety of sources including magazines, newspapers, and television. Dr Amit Gupta, a psychiatrist, (Adult General Psychiatry), suggests, "The family background determines how parents discuss sex with children, using written material can be an apt way and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If parents act responsibly, they can inform their children and help them feel comfortable and knowledgeable about sexuality, using material like books, articles, videos, youth websites etc."
Share text messages and E-mails : The advent of text messaging and E-mail has brought many parents closer together to their teenage children by making the conversation less formal. Dr Deepak supports, "Once the child forms a candid bond with a mother or father and starts sharing their personal messages and E-mails related to relationship and sexuality sans any inhibitions, parents can be attentive and start off a discussion. Such informal and funny messages and mails, including jokes and visuals on marriage, couples, pregnancy etc, can facilitate such sexuality based talks."
Form parents' group : The more you read, talk and discuss, the more you learn. Dr Prasant advices, "By forming peer groups, parents can device more ideas and better ways in which they can talk about sex with their children. Also, it gives a platform to all parents to share their experiences about discussing sex with their child and if anyone has issues, they can find out ways of coping with it."
Arrange joint seminars : Parents need to learn the importance of sex education. Dr Amit assets, "Parents are hesitant in discussing about sex with children because they themselves aren't too aware about the subject, so they need to get tie right education first and then educate their children. Hosting joint seminars creates a collective forum for parents, teachers and kids to discuss sexuality and get all their doubts cleared on a larger platform. Such seminars would also help parents convey their concerns about the child's sexual preferences and relationship choices, which otherwise is an issue that's never talked about."
monika.rawal@indiatimes.co.in
Yet it's shocking to observe the result of a new poll that declares that 'sex still continues being a taboo subject for parents'. In an era where we talk about imparting sex education to school students' right from their primary school days, it comes as an utter shock to see parents feeling shy about broaching the topic of sex with their children, especially teenage daughters. Avoiding conversations about puberty, not discussing sexual preferences or relationships in general, the survey Commissioned by the Girls Schools' Association revealed that over one third of parents found such talks hard to initiate. It's high time that parents come out of the shell and adopt a candid approach about sex. Dr. RK Gupta, a clinical physiologist, (dealing in behavioural problems of children), states, "In India, there's an obvious reluctance among parents when it comes to discussing sexuality or relationship with kids. While some stay silent assuming that the child is getting enough education in school on the subject, other believe that telling children about sex will encourage sexual experimentation, so they would rather focus on other areas like kids' academics and achievements, study habits, leisure time activities etc." Sharing her story, Indu Verma, mother to a 14-year-old daughter recalls, "I was apprehensive talking about sexuality with my daughter. Though she often approached me with certain queries related to sex, I would just ignore her concerns, presuming that it's not the right age for her and I was also worried that it may affect her mental growth. Moreover, I could never find an appropriate way in which I could start off a discussion with her, so I avoided such talks." Dr M Phani Prasant, a consultant psychiatrist, (Adult, Child, de-addiction), Care Hospital opines, "Worrying that discussing sex has negative consequences on a child's growth are nothing but myths holding parents back from adopting a candid approach towards their kids. They must stop assuming that sexuality is a natural process the child will gradually learn. Parents need to make up their mind first and then look for ways in which they can start off a conversation." Sex education involves more than just the biological mechanics of reproduction. Ideally, a variety of important topics should be covered including relationships and emotions, sexual feelings, values, gender roles, sexuality, sexually transmissible infections (STIs), pregnancy and birth control, safer sex practices and contraception, sexual acts other than intercourse, sexual problems, sexual preferences etc.
Ways in which parents can initiate talks related to sexuality with teenage kids
We get experts from different spheres to share ways in which parents can initiate talks related to sexuality and relationship with teenage kids.
Lay the building blocks : Talking about sexuality has to be a step-by-step process that starts from the basics and shifts to other verticals. Only when parents are comfortable in the initial stages, they can move ahead in the conversation. Dr Deepak Gupta, child and adolescent psychiatrist, Sir Gangaram Hospital elaborates, "Parents need to work on their own apprehensions.
Then they can start off with basics like body changes, hormonal growth and puberty, before progressing to environmental and social perspectives, relationship bonding and gender differences and finally sexuality issues. In this way, neither the child feels awkward nor would parents face any difficulty in making them understand the intimate details."
Pick hints from TV, movies : Enough of switching off the TV or changing the channel every time you come across a contraceptive commercial or an intimate film scene. Instead of an embarrassing facial expression, use the opportunity to educate your child about sexuality using these references.
Dr Prasant adds, "As sexuality has become so obvious on screen, parents can utilise it as a resource to open up with their young ones. Discussing such scenes and advertisements doesn't mean being too explicit in your approach, but it's about dealing with the questions and doubts that a child may nurture and at the same time giving them the desired information about an otherwise forbidden subject."
Seek media help : Society today is flooded with sexual images from the media and a teenager's perception of sex and sexuality can be skewed by incorrect or misleading information from a variety of sources including magazines, newspapers, and television. Dr Amit Gupta, a psychiatrist, (Adult General Psychiatry), suggests, "The family background determines how parents discuss sex with children, using written material can be an apt way and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If parents act responsibly, they can inform their children and help them feel comfortable and knowledgeable about sexuality, using material like books, articles, videos, youth websites etc."
Share text messages and E-mails : The advent of text messaging and E-mail has brought many parents closer together to their teenage children by making the conversation less formal. Dr Deepak supports, "Once the child forms a candid bond with a mother or father and starts sharing their personal messages and E-mails related to relationship and sexuality sans any inhibitions, parents can be attentive and start off a discussion. Such informal and funny messages and mails, including jokes and visuals on marriage, couples, pregnancy etc, can facilitate such sexuality based talks."
Form parents' group : The more you read, talk and discuss, the more you learn. Dr Prasant advices, "By forming peer groups, parents can device more ideas and better ways in which they can talk about sex with their children. Also, it gives a platform to all parents to share their experiences about discussing sex with their child and if anyone has issues, they can find out ways of coping with it."
Arrange joint seminars : Parents need to learn the importance of sex education. Dr Amit assets, "Parents are hesitant in discussing about sex with children because they themselves aren't too aware about the subject, so they need to get tie right education first and then educate their children. Hosting joint seminars creates a collective forum for parents, teachers and kids to discuss sexuality and get all their doubts cleared on a larger platform. Such seminars would also help parents convey their concerns about the child's sexual preferences and relationship choices, which otherwise is an issue that's never talked about."
monika.rawal@indiatimes.co.in
Monday, January 19, 2009
ManTras 2 reclaim SEX life............
If the credit crunch managed to limp your sex life last year, then here are nine tips from an expert to help restore those lost charms in the bedroom.
Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist, said that recession had taken its toll on people in general who were subsequently “having less sex”. "Fifty million people are stuck in a sex rut. The economy inhibits a person's libido because they feel stressed and depressed,” Fox News quoted Kerner as saying.
The author of Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent's Guide to Getting It on Again has proposed nine ways to help those looking to give a boost to their passion. Here are nine ways to reclaim your sex life:
1. Just go ahead with it: “It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it’s hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect.”
2. Connect with each other: “You can’t just turn sex on when it’s time to go to bed.You need to build that sense of connection."
3. Stay positive: “Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It’s easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication.”
4. Prioritise your relationship: “Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it’s 11:30 p.m. and it’s too late for sex. There’s no urgent need to check your BlackBerry — your relationship has to be a priority.”
5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex drive and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."
6. Reveal fantasies: “In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a fantasy. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticising, express it in a sexy way.”
7. Lend a helping hand: “A lot of women aren’t interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes and men can’t always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that’s really important.”
8. Be honest: “One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn’t perfect — guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in ’08 you were saying something didn’t matter, (maybe) it does in ’09. Sex changes from year to year and ’09 is a new year.”
9. Create the right environment, ‘the love nest’: “Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses.”
Source: TOI
Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist, said that recession had taken its toll on people in general who were subsequently “having less sex”. "Fifty million people are stuck in a sex rut. The economy inhibits a person's libido because they feel stressed and depressed,” Fox News quoted Kerner as saying.
The author of Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent's Guide to Getting It on Again has proposed nine ways to help those looking to give a boost to their passion. Here are nine ways to reclaim your sex life:
1. Just go ahead with it: “It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it’s hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect.”
2. Connect with each other: “You can’t just turn sex on when it’s time to go to bed.You need to build that sense of connection."
3. Stay positive: “Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It’s easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication.”
4. Prioritise your relationship: “Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it’s 11:30 p.m. and it’s too late for sex. There’s no urgent need to check your BlackBerry — your relationship has to be a priority.”
5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex drive and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."
6. Reveal fantasies: “In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a fantasy. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticising, express it in a sexy way.”
7. Lend a helping hand: “A lot of women aren’t interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes and men can’t always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that’s really important.”
8. Be honest: “One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn’t perfect — guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in ’08 you were saying something didn’t matter, (maybe) it does in ’09. Sex changes from year to year and ’09 is a new year.”
9. Create the right environment, ‘the love nest’: “Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses.”
Source: TOI
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Women's sexual pleasure linked to wealth........
Cassie is unrepentant about dating rich men. "Of course it is much better to sleep with men with lots of money," said the 27-year-old lawyer from
London. "Any girl who tells you different is lying. Rich men are powerful and successful and confident and charismatic. They know what they want, and they go out and get it. That translates to being fantastic in bed." Cassie is living proof of the latest scientific discovery about human sexuality: that the number and frequency of a woman's orgasms is directly related to her partner's wealth. Her explanation is simple. "Women don't want to lie back and think of the gas bill," she said. "It's a lot more fun to have sex in the Ritz than the Swindon Travelodge. And to be ripping off Rigby & Peller underwear than M&S knickers." Until now some of us may have taken consolation in the idea that the beautiful women involved in such relationships were just doing it for the lifestyle - and enduring the sex. Now, however, science is showing that a rich man's money has aphrodisiac qualities as well as purchasing power. Their partners really can have it all. Many will object to the idea that women are hardwired to be gold-diggers. Perhaps, however, they will be appeased by the revelation that the same kinds of primitive forces are at work in men too. They may operate in different ways and produce different behaviour - but they come from exactly the same source: a genetic code fine-tuned by millions of years of evolution to make us seek out whoever offers us the best deal in life. Thomas Pollet and Daniel Nettle, academics at the University of Newcastle, have been mulling over this question for years. As evolutionary psychologists, they believe everything about the way we flirt, court, have sex and bring up our children is strongly influenced by our genetic history. If female humans have acquired the ability to have powerful orgasms, they argue, then women will have evolved that ability for a reason. "Women's capacity for orgasm could be an evolutionary adaptation that serves to discriminate between males on the basis of their quality," said Pollet. "If so, then it should be more frequent in females paired with high-quality males." He and Nettle tested that idea using data gathered in one of the world's biggest lifestyle studies. The Chinese Health and Family Life Survey targeted 5,000 people across China to conduct in-depth interviews about their personal lives, including detailed questions about their sex lives, income and other factors. Among these were 1,534 women with male partners whose data formed the basis for the study. They found that 121 of these women always had orgasms during sex, while 408 had them "often". Another 762 "sometimes" orgasmed, while 243 had them rarely or never. There were, of course, several factors at work in causing such differences but, said Pollet, money was one of the main ones. He said: "We found that increasing partner income had a highly positive effect on women's self-reported frequency of orgasm. More desirable mates cause women to experience more orgasms." This is not an effect limited to Chinese women. Previous research in Germany and America has found similar responses. However, it begs a further question: what does an orgasm actually achieve? Why does having more of them give a woman's genes a better chance of passing down the generations? David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, who raised this question in his book The Evolution of Desire, believes female orgasms achieve several possible purposes. "They could promote emotional bonding with a high-quality male or they could serve as a signal that they are highly sexually satisfied, and hence unlikely to seek sex with other men," he said. "In other words, they are saying ‘I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children'."
London. "Any girl who tells you different is lying. Rich men are powerful and successful and confident and charismatic. They know what they want, and they go out and get it. That translates to being fantastic in bed." Cassie is living proof of the latest scientific discovery about human sexuality: that the number and frequency of a woman's orgasms is directly related to her partner's wealth. Her explanation is simple. "Women don't want to lie back and think of the gas bill," she said. "It's a lot more fun to have sex in the Ritz than the Swindon Travelodge. And to be ripping off Rigby & Peller underwear than M&S knickers." Until now some of us may have taken consolation in the idea that the beautiful women involved in such relationships were just doing it for the lifestyle - and enduring the sex. Now, however, science is showing that a rich man's money has aphrodisiac qualities as well as purchasing power. Their partners really can have it all. Many will object to the idea that women are hardwired to be gold-diggers. Perhaps, however, they will be appeased by the revelation that the same kinds of primitive forces are at work in men too. They may operate in different ways and produce different behaviour - but they come from exactly the same source: a genetic code fine-tuned by millions of years of evolution to make us seek out whoever offers us the best deal in life. Thomas Pollet and Daniel Nettle, academics at the University of Newcastle, have been mulling over this question for years. As evolutionary psychologists, they believe everything about the way we flirt, court, have sex and bring up our children is strongly influenced by our genetic history. If female humans have acquired the ability to have powerful orgasms, they argue, then women will have evolved that ability for a reason. "Women's capacity for orgasm could be an evolutionary adaptation that serves to discriminate between males on the basis of their quality," said Pollet. "If so, then it should be more frequent in females paired with high-quality males." He and Nettle tested that idea using data gathered in one of the world's biggest lifestyle studies. The Chinese Health and Family Life Survey targeted 5,000 people across China to conduct in-depth interviews about their personal lives, including detailed questions about their sex lives, income and other factors. Among these were 1,534 women with male partners whose data formed the basis for the study. They found that 121 of these women always had orgasms during sex, while 408 had them "often". Another 762 "sometimes" orgasmed, while 243 had them rarely or never. There were, of course, several factors at work in causing such differences but, said Pollet, money was one of the main ones. He said: "We found that increasing partner income had a highly positive effect on women's self-reported frequency of orgasm. More desirable mates cause women to experience more orgasms." This is not an effect limited to Chinese women. Previous research in Germany and America has found similar responses. However, it begs a further question: what does an orgasm actually achieve? Why does having more of them give a woman's genes a better chance of passing down the generations? David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, who raised this question in his book The Evolution of Desire, believes female orgasms achieve several possible purposes. "They could promote emotional bonding with a high-quality male or they could serve as a signal that they are highly sexually satisfied, and hence unlikely to seek sex with other men," he said. "In other words, they are saying ‘I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children'."
Friday, January 16, 2009
The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...
hrough my research and personal experience, I've found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors. Here they are:
» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"
Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?
Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.
» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"
Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?
Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.
As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:
- Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.
- Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.
Too much physical contact, especially in public.If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.
But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:
» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side
Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.
Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.
Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...
» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"
Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.
When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.
If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.
It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...
Source: http://howtounderstandmen.net/
Decoding Sex Harmones............. ; ))
Ever wondered why Oxytoxin is referred to as the 'love hormone', while Testosterone is tagged as the 'libido driver'? Why on some days you feel like a meek kitten, while on other occasions you are no less than a sex Goddess or a passion Guru? Or why your knees go weak and palms sweat at the thought of approaching the one you find attractive?
Well, the answer to all these questions lies in the cocktail of hormones working on your body at a particular given time, which gives lovers the much-talked about 'high'. Believe it or not, but hormones are a major catalyst in turning that effusive first glance into a lasting relationship stamped by a well-endowed sex life.
"A set of male and female hormones generated in our body at different stages of a relationship play a vital role in making or marring our sex drive, libido or sexual desires," tells, Dr Pankaj Aggarwal , a Delhi-based endocrinologist. So, here are some facts about the libido-governing hormones which constitute the major ingredients of our sex drive:
1. Testosterone: The first stage of love, which is pure lust and the final performance in bed, both the landmarks of a relationship are ruled by this hormone. So when your eyes meet someone, the body secretes testosterone, while the mind feels 'in love'. Tagged as the male hormone, testosterone governs libido and performance in males to a larger extent. But, a generous helping of this male hormone is also produced in women to improve their sexual desire, arousal and sexual response. "Note that high levels of testosterone alone doesn't result into a higher sex drive, it needs to be a combination of hormones working together," adds Aggarwal.
Testosterone killers:
Though men also generate a tiny bit of this female hormone, but this hormone is of utmost importance in women. Produced in their ovaries, Estrogen regulates a woman's menstrual cycle and keep her pleasure levels soaring high in a relationship. "They also determine a woman's chances of conceiving a child," reveals gynaecologist Dr Charulata. "This hormone is the major desire trigger, arousal and performance stimulator that leads to the Big O in the case of women," tells Aggarwal. Studies reveal that high levels of estrogen make women look and feel prettier. They also exhibit thrill-seeking behaviour or a higher interest in sexual activities. In days, when your estrogen levels are high, you might find yourself open to relationships right from casual dating, harmless flirting to serious affairs. But an excess of this female hormone among men, however can dampen their sexual appetite, leading to erectile dysfunction and breast enlargement.
Estrogen killers: Stress Weight loss Extreme dieting bordering on malnutrition
Estrogen boosters: Supplements taken in medical supervision Eating plenty of wheat and soy, which are considered as estrogen boosters Studies reveal that two cups of coffee can also boost estrogen levels.
3. Oxytocin
Often referred to as the 'hormone of love' or the 'cuddle hormone', Oxytocin is a bonding booster that assists in childbirth and helps mothers bond with their newborn babies. The hormone is produced naturally in the brain of both the sexes. In males, moderate concentration of Oxytocin facilitates penile erection and accelerates ejaculatory behaviour.
On the whole, it intensifies feelings of intimacy after sexual intercourse, making the partners grow fonder of each other, which ultimately results in strengthening a relationship. Not just this, it also helps in reducing anxieties and calm phobias as the presence of this hormone helps to develops trust.
Oxytocin killers: Lack of physical touch
Oxytocin boosters: Dates have oxytocin boosting properties. "Women's brain reacts well to holding hands, kind looks, cuddling and caressing as such acts release increased amounts of oxytocin. While, men need an orgasm to have a stronger flush of oxytocin," explains Aggarwal. Now, you know why men feel loved after a sexual communion, while a woman needs a trusting touch.
4. Norepinephrine:
The sweaty hands and weak knees that one experiences at the first touch of the opposite sex, often referred to as the adrenaline rush is caused due to the high concentration of this hormone - norepinephrine. The brain releases this hormone and it activates a host of physiological changes.
"A rise in the levels of norepinephrine leads to arousal and mood elevation, which makes you feel good. At the same time, when it comes to sexual prowess, this hormone leads to the contraction of the veins in the sex organs which trap blood and hold an erection in men," explains Aggarwal. However, excess of this hormone can also trigger negative emotions and anxiety.
5. Dopamine:
Known as the 'feel-good' chemical, dopamine is responsible for the rush of emotions that transforms an initial lust into a stronger bonding and finally a lasting relationship. "Dopamine affects certain brain processes which control emotional response and the ability to experience pleasure and generate responses," explains Khurana. These hormones play an important role in flagging off desire and arousal. Men report a higher release of this hormone in comparison to women and this can be traced as a reason why men have a stronger longing for sex than women.
Dopamine boosters: Diets rich in proteins boost dopamine and norepinephrine levels heightening sexual sensitivity. Fish, red meat, chicken, turkey or eggs can be taken in one's diet to boost dopamine/norepinephrine. Herbs like ginseng, nettles, red clover, fenugreek and peppermint also help in raising the dopamine/norepinephrine levels in the body.
6. Cortisol
Often referred to as a 'stress hormone', excess of Cortisol has negative affects on one's sex drive. It will be no exaggeration to tag Cortisol as the antithesis of testosterone. The body releases his hormone in a state of being tired, frustrated, over worked, anxious, angry or depressed. And when stress attacks your body, your sex drive is the worst hit, apart from other ailments that come along. So, emotional well-being with a calm mind and a stress-free lifestyle are major players to enrich one's sex life.
Cortisol killers: Deep breathing exercises Relaxation exercises Meditation and sound sleep
Cortisol boosters: Stress and tension: "Though it is impossible to eliminate stress from human existence, it is very important for your body and mind to get plenty of rest and recovery whenever it is overworked or stressed," suggests Khurana. Excessive weight training can strain the body to an extent that it starts producing excessive cortisol.
Advice: "Food alone can't make-up for a particular hormone deficiency, so make sure you consult your doctor before going for any dietary changes," suggests endocrinologist Dr Khurana. He further adds, "Also, a fall in sexual libido can also be the result of some other sexual, physical and emotional factor. So, consulting a doctor is advised in case the problem is acute."
Source:TOI
Well, the answer to all these questions lies in the cocktail of hormones working on your body at a particular given time, which gives lovers the much-talked about 'high'. Believe it or not, but hormones are a major catalyst in turning that effusive first glance into a lasting relationship stamped by a well-endowed sex life.
"A set of male and female hormones generated in our body at different stages of a relationship play a vital role in making or marring our sex drive, libido or sexual desires," tells, Dr Pankaj Aggarwal , a Delhi-based endocrinologist. So, here are some facts about the libido-governing hormones which constitute the major ingredients of our sex drive:
1. Testosterone: The first stage of love, which is pure lust and the final performance in bed, both the landmarks of a relationship are ruled by this hormone. So when your eyes meet someone, the body secretes testosterone, while the mind feels 'in love'. Tagged as the male hormone, testosterone governs libido and performance in males to a larger extent. But, a generous helping of this male hormone is also produced in women to improve their sexual desire, arousal and sexual response. "Note that high levels of testosterone alone doesn't result into a higher sex drive, it needs to be a combination of hormones working together," adds Aggarwal.
Testosterone killers:
- Stress
- Weight gain, particularly around the waistline
- Chronic conditions like high blood pressure, high blood sugar and elevated blood lipids.
- Alcohol suppresses the production of testosterone, so keep a tab on your booze binges.
- Exercising maintaining a healthy and stress free lifestyle
- A handful of almonds, peanuts or walnuts each day keep your testosterone levels high.
- If your endocrinologist feels the need, he/she can prescribe external testosterones in the form of pills, or a transdermal patch or injection.
Though men also generate a tiny bit of this female hormone, but this hormone is of utmost importance in women. Produced in their ovaries, Estrogen regulates a woman's menstrual cycle and keep her pleasure levels soaring high in a relationship. "They also determine a woman's chances of conceiving a child," reveals gynaecologist Dr Charulata. "This hormone is the major desire trigger, arousal and performance stimulator that leads to the Big O in the case of women," tells Aggarwal. Studies reveal that high levels of estrogen make women look and feel prettier. They also exhibit thrill-seeking behaviour or a higher interest in sexual activities. In days, when your estrogen levels are high, you might find yourself open to relationships right from casual dating, harmless flirting to serious affairs. But an excess of this female hormone among men, however can dampen their sexual appetite, leading to erectile dysfunction and breast enlargement.
Estrogen killers: Stress Weight loss Extreme dieting bordering on malnutrition
Estrogen boosters: Supplements taken in medical supervision Eating plenty of wheat and soy, which are considered as estrogen boosters Studies reveal that two cups of coffee can also boost estrogen levels.
3. Oxytocin
Often referred to as the 'hormone of love' or the 'cuddle hormone', Oxytocin is a bonding booster that assists in childbirth and helps mothers bond with their newborn babies. The hormone is produced naturally in the brain of both the sexes. In males, moderate concentration of Oxytocin facilitates penile erection and accelerates ejaculatory behaviour.
On the whole, it intensifies feelings of intimacy after sexual intercourse, making the partners grow fonder of each other, which ultimately results in strengthening a relationship. Not just this, it also helps in reducing anxieties and calm phobias as the presence of this hormone helps to develops trust.
Oxytocin killers: Lack of physical touch
Oxytocin boosters: Dates have oxytocin boosting properties. "Women's brain reacts well to holding hands, kind looks, cuddling and caressing as such acts release increased amounts of oxytocin. While, men need an orgasm to have a stronger flush of oxytocin," explains Aggarwal. Now, you know why men feel loved after a sexual communion, while a woman needs a trusting touch.
4. Norepinephrine:
The sweaty hands and weak knees that one experiences at the first touch of the opposite sex, often referred to as the adrenaline rush is caused due to the high concentration of this hormone - norepinephrine. The brain releases this hormone and it activates a host of physiological changes.
"A rise in the levels of norepinephrine leads to arousal and mood elevation, which makes you feel good. At the same time, when it comes to sexual prowess, this hormone leads to the contraction of the veins in the sex organs which trap blood and hold an erection in men," explains Aggarwal. However, excess of this hormone can also trigger negative emotions and anxiety.
5. Dopamine:
Known as the 'feel-good' chemical, dopamine is responsible for the rush of emotions that transforms an initial lust into a stronger bonding and finally a lasting relationship. "Dopamine affects certain brain processes which control emotional response and the ability to experience pleasure and generate responses," explains Khurana. These hormones play an important role in flagging off desire and arousal. Men report a higher release of this hormone in comparison to women and this can be traced as a reason why men have a stronger longing for sex than women.
Dopamine boosters: Diets rich in proteins boost dopamine and norepinephrine levels heightening sexual sensitivity. Fish, red meat, chicken, turkey or eggs can be taken in one's diet to boost dopamine/norepinephrine. Herbs like ginseng, nettles, red clover, fenugreek and peppermint also help in raising the dopamine/norepinephrine levels in the body.
6. Cortisol
Often referred to as a 'stress hormone', excess of Cortisol has negative affects on one's sex drive. It will be no exaggeration to tag Cortisol as the antithesis of testosterone. The body releases his hormone in a state of being tired, frustrated, over worked, anxious, angry or depressed. And when stress attacks your body, your sex drive is the worst hit, apart from other ailments that come along. So, emotional well-being with a calm mind and a stress-free lifestyle are major players to enrich one's sex life.
Cortisol killers: Deep breathing exercises Relaxation exercises Meditation and sound sleep
Cortisol boosters: Stress and tension: "Though it is impossible to eliminate stress from human existence, it is very important for your body and mind to get plenty of rest and recovery whenever it is overworked or stressed," suggests Khurana. Excessive weight training can strain the body to an extent that it starts producing excessive cortisol.
Advice: "Food alone can't make-up for a particular hormone deficiency, so make sure you consult your doctor before going for any dietary changes," suggests endocrinologist Dr Khurana. He further adds, "Also, a fall in sexual libido can also be the result of some other sexual, physical and emotional factor. So, consulting a doctor is advised in case the problem is acute."
Source:TOI
9 unspoken rules!.......................
Finding Mr Perfect: VJ Sophie Choudry says, “Always look at a man down to up — if he can’t take care of his shoes, then he can’t take care of you!
Watch out for his shoes: “I have a huge shoe fetish, if he’s not up to the mark, then he can take a walk in the opposite direction.” Actor Shriya Saran says, “Don’t trust guys who wear pointed shoes with heels.”
Kiss and miss: In case of bad mouth odour, it’s better to miss the chance of a kiss than being sorry forever. Actor Sameera Reddy shares, “If you want to refrain from experiencing bad mouth odour that results from drinking alcohol, never air-kiss someone at a party, greet with a flying kiss instead.”
Dancing faux pas: Every fashion book carries this warning: ‘Don’t follow fashion blindly.’ But nobody cares! Model Jesse Randhawa says, “Girls, never wear a G-string with skirts or dresses, because you never know when you can slip and all eyes will be on you. Also, don’t wear a tube top when dancing; you never know when it will drop!”
Girls, talk less, listen more: Girls, be good listeners. Actor Divya Dutta says, “Guys love when women listen to them. So girls, seal your lips, talk less, listen more and he’ll be all yours.”
‘I’m fine’ means nothing is fine: Being ‘fine’ can also put you in a tricky slot! Stand-up comedian Vir Das says, “When a woman says, ‘I’m fine’, it means she’s not fine and you’re in big trouble. You have to figure out on your own what’s going on in her mind, otherwise you’re dead. She will only be fine when she’s made you suffer long enough.”
Guys love sales: Men too save for sales! VJ Rannvijay spills the beans, “Guys also eagerly wait for sales. They never confess, but they love sales.”
Be a ‘yes’ man: A simple ‘yes’ is better than a doubtful ‘no’. Actor Vishal Malhotra says, “I’ve always been attracted to intelligent women, who have stimulated my brain cells. However, everybody goes through a phase. In the last few months, I have let my standards drop tremendously and now I’m a ‘yes man’. Don’t question her, just say ‘yes honey’ .” [: ))]
Money matters : Girls like men who make them go places. Actor Celina Jaitley says “Every time I look at a horse, I look for my knight in shining armour. Now, I just look at the horse under the man. Believe me, the horse gives better returns!”
Finding the right date: Apply some clever fundas for a smart date! Model Sahil Shroff says, “Don’t flirt with the nightclub owner’s girl, be nice to him and get your drinks for free. Shop alone, a little bit of flirting can get you big discounts. If the girl knows how to cook, then you don’t have to meet her parents. And if you’re dumping her, it’s good. Because the more you practice, the better you get at it!”
Source: TOI
Watch out for his shoes: “I have a huge shoe fetish, if he’s not up to the mark, then he can take a walk in the opposite direction.” Actor Shriya Saran says, “Don’t trust guys who wear pointed shoes with heels.”
Kiss and miss: In case of bad mouth odour, it’s better to miss the chance of a kiss than being sorry forever. Actor Sameera Reddy shares, “If you want to refrain from experiencing bad mouth odour that results from drinking alcohol, never air-kiss someone at a party, greet with a flying kiss instead.”
Dancing faux pas: Every fashion book carries this warning: ‘Don’t follow fashion blindly.’ But nobody cares! Model Jesse Randhawa says, “Girls, never wear a G-string with skirts or dresses, because you never know when you can slip and all eyes will be on you. Also, don’t wear a tube top when dancing; you never know when it will drop!”
Girls, talk less, listen more: Girls, be good listeners. Actor Divya Dutta says, “Guys love when women listen to them. So girls, seal your lips, talk less, listen more and he’ll be all yours.”
‘I’m fine’ means nothing is fine: Being ‘fine’ can also put you in a tricky slot! Stand-up comedian Vir Das says, “When a woman says, ‘I’m fine’, it means she’s not fine and you’re in big trouble. You have to figure out on your own what’s going on in her mind, otherwise you’re dead. She will only be fine when she’s made you suffer long enough.”
Guys love sales: Men too save for sales! VJ Rannvijay spills the beans, “Guys also eagerly wait for sales. They never confess, but they love sales.”
Be a ‘yes’ man: A simple ‘yes’ is better than a doubtful ‘no’. Actor Vishal Malhotra says, “I’ve always been attracted to intelligent women, who have stimulated my brain cells. However, everybody goes through a phase. In the last few months, I have let my standards drop tremendously and now I’m a ‘yes man’. Don’t question her, just say ‘yes honey’ .” [: ))]
Money matters : Girls like men who make them go places. Actor Celina Jaitley says “Every time I look at a horse, I look for my knight in shining armour. Now, I just look at the horse under the man. Believe me, the horse gives better returns!”
Finding the right date: Apply some clever fundas for a smart date! Model Sahil Shroff says, “Don’t flirt with the nightclub owner’s girl, be nice to him and get your drinks for free. Shop alone, a little bit of flirting can get you big discounts. If the girl knows how to cook, then you don’t have to meet her parents. And if you’re dumping her, it’s good. Because the more you practice, the better you get at it!”
Source: TOI
Talks that may trigger 'sex'...........
A prolonged foreplay, a sexy bedroom surprise, a scintillating candle lit dinner and out-of-the-box seduction techniques – couples use all the above methods to woo their partner in bed.
But very few couples know that sometimes all it takes is a subtle conversation to trigger off a steamy sex session. Conversations that lead to sex act are like potent launching platforms that work towards altering your partner's mindset to match yours. If executed correctly, your partner will want to finish the discussion soon and move on towards getting more physically intimate. You may wonder how simple conversational topics with your partner can stimulate your senses for an intimate session, but one must remember that a wholesome sexual experience is about a physiological trigger, rather than a physical trigger. Conversing about subjects like pornography, virginity, sexual preferences, sexual fantasies, sex positions and aphrodisiacs help build the pleasure mood. Dr. Avdesh Sharma, a clinical psychiatrist explains, "Most human beings react emotionally while talking to others. Only a few behave logically. Since most sexual conversation topics bear hidden double meanings, they evoke our sexual senses and leave us feeling gently aroused. Moreover, it's not only the subject of conversation, but also the tone, voice and body language of the person that gives subconscious signals that aid in creating a sexual mood." Dr. Aruna Bruta, a psychologist adds, "While having a normal conversation, there is a tendency that you make a caring statement and that certainly triggers a feeling of affiliation, which in turn makes a slow yet sure way towards a fulfilling sexual experience. Surprisingly even the most serious topics related to sexual preferences like virginity and pornography can create an atmosphere congenial for being intimate."
Here are a few conversations that may push your libido and get you going for action in bed.
Fantasy forum : Everyone nurses unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From playing with your partner's earlobes to caressing their ankles, hairline and hips to indulging in your fetishes and wild sexual kinks, let these topics become interesting topics to share with your beau sans any inhibitions. Dr. Amita Mishra, a sex and relationship expert feels, "Once a couple starts sharing their sexual fantasies candidly with each other, it is likely to generate a significant amount of curiosity in both of them and they will naturally wish to try the things which they've just spoke about. Also, once you know about your partner's special turn-ons, you can make the most of them in bed."
Poke at porn : Though watching porn is a sure shot and a commonly known foreplay technique, discussing intimate details of a popular porn flick or talking about the latest cover of a porn magazine may also act as a turn-on. "It completely depends on how you talk about 'porn' as a subject. The essence is candidness and forth-rightedness and not vulgarity. Also, if couples discuss a porn film and later compare their sexual act and partner's performance with what was shown in the movie, it will generate a lot of intimacy and naughtiness that is much needed in a sexual relationship," asserts Dr. Aruna.
Virginity vows : Moral talks are not enticing enough for couples, but they have a propensity to build the heat. Whether virginity is a virtue or a curse remains a debatable subject and if you get lucky enough to talk the issue out with your beau, you may just become willing to put your vows on the test by getting involved in a passion play. Dr. Avdesh says, "Talking of virginity can lead to both emotional and physical intimacy and once the conversation is kicked off, it totally depends on the ambiance which will then make the mood conducive for sex. You may not feel aroused when you watch such a debate on television, but when you discuss it with your partner, there are chances that an aura gets created for you to get blissfully passionate."
Subtle seduction : Couples spend endless hours trying their luck to seduce their partners, but often they fail to strike the right moan zones. In such cases, it's important to realise that before implementing your seduction techniques, discuss them as verbal foreplay often gives you the much needed push towards the bedroom. "It's good to let your partner know about the ways in which you like to get seduced. You may start off telling them which wooing techniques turn you on. As the conversation progresses, the couple will be charged up to slip between the sheets," adds Dr. Amita. Aphrodisiac action : It may sound like a boring topic to discuss with your partner, but it's talking about favourite foods including aphrodisiacs like chocolates, strawberries and caviar may tempt your partner. Dr. Aruna, elucidates, "Talking about passion foods can heighten the feeling of sexiness. In the process of showing concern towards your partner's favourite foods, you make them feel nice, reassured and being taken care of and this comfort zone surely calls for some more intimacy."
Wicked and wild : It may not be on purpose, but the moment you get dirty in your talks and gestures, chances are that you will get carried away and end up making love. Dr. Avdesh, states, "Though couples hesitate in talking dirty, such lewd talks act as prelude to an intimacy as they evoke sexuality in your partner. Initiating a conversation on these lines is like a beginning to get the other person interested and if he/she responds well, it can lead to greater sexual intimacy. So, it's similar to playing a game of words that automatically leads to sizzling between the sheets action."
Friday, January 9, 2009
Eight Ways 2 Woman's Heart............. ;))
You've known her for long enough, been on several dates, long drives and candlelit dinners that are not new anymore. But when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level – you fumble, falter and just can't figure out how to make that vital first move. You are not alone, when it comes to getting intimate with a woman, most men don't know how to get the action kick started.
So, what should you do that lets your love interest know what's exactly on your mind without having to spill the beans to her? Answers relationship expert, Arvinder Kaur, "As goes the old adage 'actions speak louder than words' when it comes to winning your dream woman."
So, here are some real life tips to help you make your way into your lady love's heart and leaving her crave for more...
Start with being chivalrous
A common mistake that most men make is expecting to get a woman and explore her all at once! The truth is that by doing so, they would simply scare her off. To begin with, it is the art of touching a woman that matters most. Win her over it in a way that she gradually gets comfortable with your touch. You can begin by offering her your arm while walking down the street or gently touching her back as you open the door for her. Arpit Kaushik (name changed on request), 34, a manager with a multi national company tells us his mantra to win a woman's heart. "I have dated at least four women since the time I was in college. One thing that I've learnt from my experience is that they pay a lot of attention to good manners and chivalry. They are not too comfortable with just about any acquaintance touching their body. So, you need to take it really slow. Once they are convinced that you respect them and value their consent before making a physical gesture, they'll trust you and your touch."
Agreeing with Kaushik, Naina Awasthi (name changed on request), a marketing professional adds, "Women certainly have a sense of judgment when it comes to a man touching her. I would certainly not appreciate a person who I am not comfortable with to kiss me or take me to bed right away. Women like guys who take their time getting to know her mind first before graduating to the next level."
The whispering game
Why not be different when it comes to making the first move? Instead of kissing her right on her lips, try sharing a secret. "When whispering sweet nothings to your girl, speak in a sexy way as women tend to pay more attention to your tone rather than what you say. Deepen your voice, speak slowly and with conviction. Take care not to make it too dramatic," suggests Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues.
Mohit Malviya (name changed on request), 29, who works with a call centre in Gurgaon adds, "My girlfriend loves me whispering in her ear. It really turns her on. I think most women like men who are expressive and generous with compliments. So, I always make it a point to tease my girl by whispering something like, 'You look sexy tonight' or 'Want to go back home?' if we are at a party. It works for me."
Ears are an erogenous part of the female body. Murmured words have a greater impact than a high-pitched or loud voice. A soft and subtle voice is a sure shot way to turn on a woman," explains Garg.
Give her clues
Did you know that giving her clues or teasing her about having sex can be the first step to 'actually' having it?Unfortunately, some men tend to blurt out their sexual desires and end up portraying themselves as creepy. So, instead of being overtly direct in your conversation, try dropping sexual hints. For instance, if she tells you that you are good at driving, tell her you are good at several things and see the magic working for you.
Gautam Acharya (name changed on request), 28, an IT professional says, "I was madly in love with a girl whom I met at my gym. I was very attracted to her and we soon became friends. I proposed to her after a couple of months and we started dating. I knew it right from the beginning that she wasn't the kind of person who would let me get close to her too soon. So I started behaving as if she was trying to hit on me. If she ever asked me to drop her home, I teased her by saying, 'Oh! So you're trying to get too close to me?' She just loved it. And surprisingly, soon after she was the one who made the first move."
Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor opines, "Most women are hesitant to discuss sex with a man they are not comfortable with. If the man is too bold or turns the conversation directly towards sex, chances are he would lose her. So, it's advisable to take things slow and hint to her indirectly that you are interested in her."
Patience is a virtue!
Patience is truly a virtue when it comes to winning your woman. Teasing her in the right ways and keeping her waiting will make her want more of you. Keep her anticipating. Hold her as if you were just about to kiss her, gently move your fingers through her hair and then whisper tenderly in her ear, but don't kiss her just yet. Women just love men who possess self-control. Set the stage and hold back for a while. Don't be surprised if she grabs you soon after!
Nikhil Meheshwari (name changed on request), 32, who works with a telecom company in Mumbai confesses, "I firmly believe that patience is the key. When I am in the mood for some action, all I need to do is tempt my wife. I make the first move, turn her on and playfully leave it mid-way. And most of the times, she comes back to me, vying for more."
Namrata Chabbra (name changed on request), 26, a software professional adds, "My husband tempts me to turn me on. It's certainly a lot of fun. And I must say that one needs a lot of will power to be patient when it comes to making love."
Get naughty, play games
Look for ways to get closer to her – whether it's helping her learn a sport or turning on some soothing music and asking her out for a dance. Also, take care not to be too boring in your conversation – don't ask predictable questions. Instead of being a dud, ask her something like, "What's your zodiac sign?" Add something like, "You know what they say about Taureans?"
Vikram Motwani (name changed on request), 27, who works with a private bank in Delhi observes, "My girlfriend gets turned on with things I could never even have thought of. At times, it is a romantic dance in a crowded party or swimming together on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I try to find out new ways to get her in the mood and keep the passion alive."
"Most women love men who are unpredictable and experimental – somebody who is always willing to do different things to win her heart. This technique also helps couples from keeping monotony and boredom out of their relationship," adds Manmeet.
Meet at your place
Are you used to picking her up from her home and then dropping her there? Next time, try inviting her for dinner atyour place instead, saying, "Want to test my culinary skills?" But don't let her believe that it's 'only sex on your mind'. Accuse her of being naughty. Say things that can turn around the tables with her wanting to get into action, rather than vice versa.
Sharing his idea of a perfect date, Harsh Sinha (name changed on request), who works with a multi-national company in Noida, confesses, "There's no better place to get intimate with a woman rather than your own house, especially if you are living alone. I have tried it several times and my girlfriend feels more comfortable at my place than anywhere else."
Shreya Mehrotra (name changed on request), 25, who works in Pune says, "My boyfriend always plays pranks on me. He would pick me up from my place, tell me he wants to surprise me and would then drive down to his place. But it is fun being alone at his place. He makes me feel very comfortable and knows exactly what turns me on."
Take charge of her
Once the stage is set and you are ready for action, hold her tight. Often, women are insecure about getting too close, too soon. So, take charge and make her feel comfortable. Let your hands to the talking. If she's reluctant of you touching her, just gently hold her hand and place it on your waist. Don't be surprised if she takes charge of you from there on...
Rajiv Kamath, 30, who works with an IT company in Hyderabad says, "I think the best way to make a woman feel comfortable is to go step by step, rather than rushing. My wife loves it when I take the lead and take charge of her. Taking command of the situation and then giving yourself to her – is what works for me."
Psychologist Archana Nanda opines, "It's very important to make a woman feel comfortable before getting close to her. It is also important to take care not to be too demanding, too soon. Once, a woman trusts you enough; she herself will surrender to you."
Be a 'gentleman'
All said and done, don't force yourself upon a woman. Just because you are in the mood for some naughty action, doesn't mean that she is ready for it too. Give her ample time to believe that you are the right guy for her before taking things one step further. Once she is convinced, nothing can hold her back from falling in your arms.
Abhay Mittal, 35, a businessman adds, "It's important to be gentle with a woman. You can't just force yourself upon her until she is ready. What my wife appreciates most about me is that I give her enough space and time to get in the mood, rather than insisting on having sex. Sex should be mutual and not forced."
"Respect is inevitable in a relationship. Until both partners are ready for sex, it's unfair to impose things on him/her. It's also important to communicate your feelings or desires to your partner to strengthen the bonding between you," adds Archana.
Source: TOI
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)