He doesn’t need hints to remember your birthday and he doesn’t end up gifting you shocking red sneakers when all you wear is sandals.
He is well aware of your favourite colour and also whether you prefer cheese or mayonnaise with your burger. No, we are not talking about your boyfriend and it’s definitely not your husband, the man with whom you promised to tread the “for better or for worse” road. It’s your “office spouse”. Scratching your head on this?
Well, this term has been coined to describe the new relationship phenomenon that’s developing among co-workers as women climb up the corporate ladder and work longer, harder, and in close proximity with colleagues of the opposite sex.
The concept of an office spouse is new but not uncommon, and the phenomenon is increasing. Here is a person who understands your predicament at work, cares for you and meets emotional needs, going beyond the requirements of the job, and you can’t help comparing him with the man you promised to love and cherish till the day you die.
“Though this term is very new to us, this phenomenon has been going on for a very long time. It’s just that we didn’t know what to call it,” says Sreyoshi Banerjee, a call center employee.
Today men and women are working together as equals more than they ever did before, and this has changed the dynamics. Office spouses speak the same language: they get ‘inside jokes’, understand each other’s frustration with the job and internal bureaucracy, and can pick up work vibes, both good and bad. Bound by mutual respect, common interests, and a lot of chemistry (the kind that you have with your best friend), office spouses can read each other’s moods and minds and are each other’s closest confidants in the work world.
“However, maintaining a healthy and non-sexual relationship with an office spouse can be tricky and sometimes detrimental to your real marriage,” cautions Sreyoshi.
Of course, you are not cheating on your loved one, but then again, you do work closely with this colleague all day long, Monday through Friday — sometimes even Saturday — and in many cases, more than nine hours a day. You share your lunch with him and during slack hours, you end up talking about each other’s life and family. You know you can always count on him for anything, in sickness and in health. You share your thoughts, hopes, and ambitious dreams — there’s a growing intimacy between the two of you... Yet you’re not intimate.
“I don’t know what it was that made me get very close to a girl I worked with,” recalls Rajan Mitra, a chartered accountant. “We worked together and in those days I felt very attracted to her. I think she felt the same and something would have developed between us, had she not moved out of the city. During this time, I started getting angry and irritated with my wife over small matters. I kept comparing her with my colleague and started losing interest in her. It’s a relationship which, if not reined in, may turn into an affair. Still, that’s not always the case, and a healthy office spouse relationship is between people who would never let it get there — who understand where the line is, and stay away from it.”
Having someone at work who has an intuitive understanding of the expectations, duties, pressures, personalities, interaction, and work life in general, adds an invaluable amount of comfort on a daily basis.
“Let’s face it. At work, there are so many ‘had to be there moments’ — most of them impossible to explain to your husband later in the evening. It’s usually all inside jokes, impersonations, and stories that seem insignificant, even petty, when told later in the day to someone who wasn’t there. Not only is it futile, it’s boring for your real partner,” says Ria Mukherjee, a mediaperson.
As you walk the thin line between friendship and adultery, you try your best to keep it strictly platonic as you want to avoid a workplace husband. While an office spouse might be a great friend, a strong support system, and a shoulder to cry on, it can get risky. The rules of engagement, when it comes to the office spouse, are plenty. So, look before you leap!
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