Lies are usually a strict ‘no’ in a relationship, but at times "white lies" is all one needs to keep the spark alive.
Most couples have to resort to white lies at times to salvage the relationship as the truth can either be embarrassing or put the relationship in jeopardy. "The real truth can at times tear off things, so why not keep them in between the sheets," strongly affirms Dr. Samir Parikh.
He further adds, "Pressurising your partner to tell the whole truth is not a top priority for couples, so many a times couples resort to white lies". Is it then better to tell a white lie and spare someone's feelings or is it better to spill the beans? Here are some of the most common lies that couples tell....
1. You're perfect : "I love you just the way you are and I would not change a thing about you". These are the words that a woman would love to hear from her beau. Snehasish, a graphic designer admits, "If these lines are what bring a smile on her lips, then what's wrong? I don't see any harm in this lie. Let's be serious - nobody is perfect. But always be ready for some confrontation, as your partner may figure out you are telling the truth."
Shikha Pratap, a 30-year-old media manager who has recently had a baby adds, "I have put on some weight post delivery, but I just love it when I ask my hubby whether I am still the best looking woman in the world for him, and he looks deep into my eyes and says, 'Honey, you are simply perfect.' I know it's a white lie, but being perfect for him is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Any woman would love to be desired by her better half." The notion of perfection is not limited merely to the fairer sex. Thirty five-year-old Jatin Hashmi adds, "I hate my beer belly, but when I ask my wife if she's embarrassed by my weight - she has a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and says I am perfect. It's such a turn on for a man."
Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says, "Interpretation of what is being said is most important. One generally looks for an easy escape route, and a positive reaction is always welcome. The words when spoken must never hurt one's feeling. One should master the art of communication."
2. Roving eyes don't bother : A lot of couples seem to be okay with their partner's flirtatious ways or at least lying about it. But most of the times, even if your girl says a "yes" with a heavy heart, she is definitely upset about flirting. Most women hate to feel second best if you tell her you are going out for a night around town with your guy friends. Similarily, most guys are lying when they say they don't get jealous when other men are hitting on their girl in a night club.
Wise Counsel : Manoj Khanna, a counseling psychologist says, "Commitment is the key in a long standing relationship. The relationship should have transparency so that the partners can share things openly between themselves and this is where communication plays a significant role. One should not make his roving eyes a perennial habit, as that's where most infidelity problems crop up. If you are upset with your partner, try and communicate your fears and insecurities rationally to them as lying might put a temporary cover on them."
3. Intricacies about one's past relationship : At times, it's safe to hide the small intricacies like the depth of one's past relationships in terms of physical intimacy. Some truths are best when hidden. But yes, on the other hand be sure that you are clever enough to reveal what's important and camouflage what's the bitter truth. "I have had a very bitter past," says 26-year-old Gauri Senapathy, "my ex boyfriend was violent and often physically abusive. I am now happily settled and I know that if I talk to my man about it he would not be able to handle the truth about how I was beaten up. I thus often say to him that I had a bad relationship, omitting the gory details. Why add to the troubles in life?," she feels.
Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says that, "Emotional openness is very important in a relationship. But try and weigh the pros and cons of being candid to your partner. Acceptance of the truth in a healthy way adds to the strength of a relationship. Past relationships have their own emotional attachments, so if your better half has had the courage to come clean, it's important to respect their wishes and be supportive. Here the maturity of the partner is all important."
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