Why Womans Cheat ?.... ( It's not just a man's world )

Source>>>>>>>>>>>
We no longer live in an age where women still have to remain faithful to their husbands, despite atrocities being committed against them.

Today’s woman has changed with the times, and so has her definition of a successful relationship as she is open to finding love outside her marriage. Let’s get down to the statistics. A recent UK-based survey revealed that women are cheating more today than ever before. One in five married women has had a fling, the highest number ever recorded.

Shocking, isn’t it? Well, it’s no longer just a man’s ‘prerogative’. While it’s not something to be condoned, women no longer embrace the likes of Hillary Clinton, who became the symbol of a long-suffering married woman everywhere when she stood by her man... twice. But these days, when a woman feels dissatisfied in her relationship, she doesn’t just suck it up and complain to her friends while shedding copious tears, she goes out and gets herself some! Is this because the woman of today is more independent financially and is far more educated and worldlywise than her counterpart of a generation ago?

Psychologist and marriage counsellor Shymala Bhadran says that women need to feel loved and respected, otherwise, like men, they will look for it outside the relationship. “If there’s a failure to communicate – which is so reinforcing to women in terms of intimacy, emotional satisfaction and relationship satisfaction – then women look outside the relationship for that kind of connection. This is the most common reason women cheat. When you’re unhappy or dissatisfied in your relationship, you’re more likely to be tempted to look elsewhere,” says she.

So, is this the only reason? Why are more women having affairs than ever before? One could argue that more women are in the workforce today and have social lives beyond the confines of the home. The job, gym, business meetings, work-related travel, and the internet are all breeding grounds for infidelity.

Model Neeraj Anand agrees. Says he, “Today’s woman has a number of avenues where she can meet an interesting man. Earlier, women depended on their spouses for security of all kinds, financial or otherwise. Things have changed now. Many women make just as much or more than their spouses and don’t depend on them for survival. And, many women today are choosing to have children later, or not at all, and don’t have little ones to consider if they opt to test the waters outside an unfulfilling marriage. It’s not a matter of pride, but it’s no longer a man’s prerogative alone.”

Says Minnie Menon, a socialite and columnist, “Today’s woman is more sexually liberated. It stems from the confidence that financial independence infuses. Open marriages are on the rise. As it is said in the popular sitcom Sex And The City , ‘Women must learn to have sex like a man’.”

Ahalya Menon did the unthinkable in her conservative family when she chose to look for satisfaction outside her marriage. “I do not regret what I did,” says Ahalya. Ask her why and she says, “My husband worked out of the country for the longest time and even his visits to India were short and infrequent. When he came here, we would be physical at best but there was no emotional connection. I spoke to him about this and even urged him to get counselling with me, but he said it was a figment of my imagination. I felt unloved, uncared for and totally strained by a dead marriage. Trust me though, it was not a physical void alone, he just couldn’t meet my emotional needs. I cheated on him with one of my colleagues, and then confessed to him. Initially, I felt miserable, but when I got to know that he was having his own fun on the side, we decided to part ways.”

So, it seems that it’s not so much the independence and financial freedom, as much as the change in mindset. Women consider themselves at par with their male counterparts and have the same opportunities to cheat as guys always did – and are doing so.

The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment.............

Source>>>>>>>>>>

We live in the age of distraction. Yet one of life's sharpest paradoxes is that your brightest future hinges on your ability to pay attention to the present. 

By: Jay Dixit

A friend was walking in the desert when he found the telephone to God. The setting was Burning Man, an electronic arts and music festival for which 50,000 people descend on Black Rock City, Nevada, for eight days of "radical self-expression"—dancing, socializing, meditating, and debauchery. 

A phone booth in the middle of the desert with a sign that said "Talk to God" was a surreal sight even at Burning Man. The idea was that you picked up the phone, and God—or someone claiming to be God—would be at the other end to ease your pain. 

So when God came on the line asking how he could help, my friend was ready. "How can I live more in the moment?" he asked. Too often, he felt, the beautiful moments of his life were drowned out by a cacophony of self-consciousness and anxiety. What could he do to hush the buzzing of his mind? 

"Breathe," replied a soothing male voice.

My friend flinched at the tired new-age mantra, then reminded himself to keep an open mind. When God talks, you listen.

"Whenever you feel anxious about your future or your past, just breathe," continued God. "Try it with me a few times right now. Breathe in… breathe out." And despite himself, my friend began to relax.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Life unfolds in the present. But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized, and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and ruminate about what's past. "We're living in a world that contributes in a major way to mental fragmentation, disintegration, distraction, decoherence," says Buddhist scholar B. Alan Wallace. We're always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm. 

When we're at work, we fantasize about being on vacation; on vacation, we worry about the work piling up on our desks. We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don't appreciate the living present because our "monkey minds," as Buddhists call them, vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree. 

Most of us don't undertake our thoughts in awareness. Rather, our thoughts control us. "Ordinary thoughts course through our mind like a deafening waterfall," writes Jon Kabat-Zinn, the biomedical scientist who introduced meditation into mainstream medicine. In order to feel more in control of our minds and our lives, to find the sense of balance that eludes us, we need to step out of this current, to pause, and, as Kabat-Zinn puts it, to "rest in stillness—to stop doing and focus on just being." 

We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience.

Cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of the present bestows a host of benefits. Mindfulness reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, reduces chronic pain, lowers blood pressure, and helps patients cope with cancer. By alleviating stress, spending a few minutes a day actively focusing on living in the moment reduces the risk of heart disease. Mindfulness may even slow the progression of HIV.

Living in the moment involves a profound paradox: You can't pursue it for its benefits. That's because the expectation of reward launches a future-oriented mindset, which subverts the entire process. Instead, you just have to trust that the rewards will come. There are many paths to mindfulness—and at the core of each is a paradox. Ironically, letting go of what you want is the only way to get it. Here are a few tricks to help you along.

1: To improve your performance, stop thinking about it (unselfconsciousness).

2: To avoid worrying about the future, focus on the present (savoring).

3: If you want a future with your significant other, inhabit the present (breathe).

4: To make the most of time, lose track of it (flow).

5: If something is bothering you, move toward it rather than away from it (acceptance).

6: Know that you don't know (engagement).

[ For more Got to the source site and read whole arctice ]

How To Fight—and How Not To

Source>>>>>>>>>>

Learning to argue productively will keep you from damaging your relationships with loved ones. 

By: Kathleen McGowan

When you get right down to it, most arguments follow a pattern that's all too familiar. Boiled down, the essence of many quarrels goes something like this: I'm right. You're wrong. And I absolutely positively will not back down or change the subject until you admit it. 

So many arguments are so pointless. They start over something small and dumb: He forgot to pick up milk on the way home. She criticized him in front of his mother. He made plans without asking her first. 

But they quickly escalate: You never listen to me. You're inconsiderate. You're mean. You're a loser. 

In the midst of one of these arguments, you often find yourself demanding that your partner agree with you, insisting that she accept your interpretation of the facts, relentlessly pushing your point. 

It's mindless, it's not going to work, and you know it. But you can't stop.

At the moment, it seems absolutely unacceptable that this other person—whether it's a mother, a husband or a best friend—disagrees. It's an outgrowth of the basic need that we all have to be close to and understood by the people we love the most, says psychologist Anthony Wolf, Ph.D. During arguments, that feeling can get out of control. 

Arguments aren't inherently bad. Conflict is often how we sort out what we really want from what we're willing to compromise on. In good arguments, the terms may not exactly be kind and gentle, the language not always respectful and there may not be closure, but the argument has a beginning and an end. 

Stupid arguments are something else. They take the shape of loops, endlessly replaying the conflicts in your relationship without resolving them, says Wolf, author of Why Can't You Shut Up?: How We Ruin Relationships—And How Not To. In the heat of the moment, the subject of the argument leaps from the original disagreement over how you parked the car to some global indictment of how selfish you are to how you're just like your mother. 

Winning the argument becomes the most important thing in the world. At that point, we'll say anything—even when it's mean, humiliating and damaging to the relationship.

How can you get out of this cycle? First, you have to recognize the number one warning sign: The feeling that you absolutely must get your partner to see it your way. "The feeling is, 'I can't shut up, I can't move on, and I can't leave it,'" says Wolf. "Recognizing that feeling and giving it a label allows you to be able to step outside of it." It comes from an irrational but powerful fear of being alone—of being misunderstood or abandoned by people we count on the most. 

When you start to feel that you must at all costs get the other person to agree with you, you know you must stop arguing. Follow these guidelines: 
Think: Is there anything that could be gained from the argument at this point? If the answer is no, it's time to stop talking, no matter how angry you are. 
Don't repeat yourself. Making your point once is much more powerful than repeating it over and over again. This applies in work situations too. Think of yourself like a lawyer presenting a brief. Say what you think, then keep your mouth shut. "Anything further that you say at this point is going to screw up your best chance at a good outcome," says Wolf. 
Don't respond to retorts that are designed to make you angry. Ignore them. If your partner or father or friend baits you by saying something like: "You're just like your mother" or "You always say that!" recognize it for what it is and tune it out. 
When you hand out advice, don't require the other person to recognize it as the most brilliant suggestion ever. Just say it and move on. 

Above all, get used to the idea that the best outcome of an argument is that it ends. Don't cling to the unrealistic expectation that you'll be able to resolve the problem or get the other person to see it your way. Conciliation doesn't happen when two people are face to face, says Wolf. It happens in your own head, hours or days after the fight. 

Maybe you'll be able to resolve the issue a couple of weeks later, when the feelings have died down. But many arguments never to do get settled. That's normal. "In the best relationships, there remain serious pockets of unresolved bitterness," says Wolf. Learning how to argue—and learning how to stop—will prevent these disagreements from damaging your relationship.

Decoding female body language!..............

Source>>>>>>>>>>>>

You are at a friend's wedding. You suddenly notice the most beautiful girl you've ever laid eyes on. She notices you too. You move closer with a drink in your hand. She tosses her hair and crosses her legs. Is there a chance she's sending you a sign?

For most individuals, 70 per cent of communication is non-verbal. Especially women mostly lend out most of their emotional cues through her body language and if you can read these signs, there's a high chance you can save yourself from potential embarrassment and ego devastation if you simply decode her body language. 

"The biggest issue most guys have about asking a woman for a date is about their own self-confidence; their fear of being rejected. The moment a woman turns down a man, his male ego is ruined to pieces. Though most men love to believe that women are confusing while revealing their love interest, the fact remains that women are experts at giving subtle indications. So, the onus of cracking these indications lie on the men," explains relationship expert Rajvardhan Vats. 

Here are some sure shot ways to figure out whether your lady is waiting for you to ask her out... 

Does she keep bumping into you? 

"Raima and I were in the same office. She used to put in a lot of effort so that I noticed her sometimes on the way to the restroom or in the corridors. She deliberately used to pass by where I was seated, though the restrooms were nowhere near me. Somehow, our timings matched so much that I use to find her in the canteen, at the coffee machine, in the parking lot; needless to say this was all planned by her. This was a very clear and open invite, I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out for a dinner date one day and her eagerness shocked me," chuckles Manish Sharma married to Raima since the past two years. 

Hot Tip: If you suddenly start finding your girl just about everywhere, chances are that she is thinking ahead to make sure she runs into you. It's only a matter of time before your eyes meet. What she's doing is trying hard to make you observe her and give you a chance to make that vital first move. However, the trouble with this 'she-approach' is that men are sometimes ignorant about what's going on in a woman's mind space and as a result, they let pass a lot of chance. So, the next time a woman starts appearing frequently in your way, be observant, for she is most likely doing it on purpose. 

She makes all the right moves 
Believe it or not, but non-verbal flirting gestures flow freely when a woman is interested in a man. Such signals may range from her pointing in your direction with her foot or shoulders, tossing her hair to mirroring your body movements. 

Hot Tip: Communication specialist Heer Wadhera explains, "If a female licks her lips while talking to you, she is sending out a clear signal that she is actually looking forward to something more than just talking to you. Similarly, if your girl plays with her jewellery, strokes her glass or freezes her eyes on you while talking, she is anticipating a date invite." 

Adds Vinay Sood, a creative manager at an advertising agency, "Observe the way she looks at you. If she looks at you when you are not looking at her and turns her gaze away when you make eye contact, she is very much interested in you. A warm smile is also a sure shot open invitation and an indication that she is open to cultivating a deep friendship with you." If you become conscious of such signals, you can be sure whether or not your love interest is ready for your proposal.

Men better at sighting infidelities..................

Source>>>>>>>>>>>>

Unfaithful women better watch out, for according to a new research, men are better at detecting a cheating partner than females, and they're more likely to suspect infidelities that don't exist.

Scientists found that men were able to spot a cheating heart in more than nine out of ten cases. They were also more likely to catch out their partner's lies than women. 

The flip side is that to counter this constant vigilance, women may be better than men at concealing illicit liaisons. 

Paul Andrews at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond and colleagues gave 203 young heterosexual couples confidential questionnaires asking them whether they had ever strayed, and whether they suspected or knew their partner had strayed. In this, 29 per cent of men said they had cheated, compared with 18.5 per cent of women. The men were better than women at judging fidelity. "Eighty per cent of women's inferences about fidelity or infidelity were correct, but men were even better, accurate 94 per cent of the time," says Andrews. 

They were also more likely to catch out a cheating partner, detecting 75 per cent of the reported infidelities compared with 41 per cent discovered by women. However, men were also more likely to suspect infidelity when there was none. 

Andrews says this makes evolutionary sense because unlike women, men can never be certain a baby is theirs. He said: "Men have far more at stake. When a female partner is unfaithful, a man may himself lose the opportunity to reproduce, and find himself investing his resources in raising the offspring of another man." This adds to the evidence that men have evolved defences to detect their partner's infidelity," says David Buss at the University of Texas, Austin. 

He adds that it demonstrates a "fascinating cognitive bias that leads men to err on the side of caution by overestimating a partner's infidelity". 

Andrews suggests that women have countered this by becoming better at covering up affairs. Complex statistical analysis of the data hinted that a further 10 per cent of the women in the study had cheated on top of the 18.5 per cent who admitted to it in the questionnaires, whereas the men had been honest about their philandering.

How Well You Know your partner ??..........

Source>>>>>>>>>>

• I can name my partner’s best friends 

• I know what stresses my partner is currently facing 
• I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately 
• I can tell some of my partner’s life dreams 
• I can tell about my partner’s basic philosophy of life 
• I can list the relatives my partner likes the least 
• I feel that my partner knows me pretty well 
• When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner 
• I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately 
• My partner really respects me 
• There is fire and passion in this relationship 
• Romance is definitely still part of our relationship 
• My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship 
• My partner generally likes my personality 
• Our sex life is mostly satisfying 
• At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me 
• My partner is one of my best friends 
• We just love talking to each other 
• There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions 
• My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree 
• My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver 
• We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life 

How to interpret your score: 

15 or more yes answers: Congratulations! You have a lot of strength in your relationship. 

8 to 14 yes answers: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon. However, there are also some weaknesses that need your attention. 

7 or fewer yes answers: Time to introspect. Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

Is Your Partner True to You ??..........

Source>>>>>>>>>>

Here are seven ways to identify a liar, reports FoxNews . 

1. Consider the person’s recall: Liars never forget what they have to say but they may stumble when telling a tale by making contradicting statements. They’re also eager to change the subject. 

2. Observe the person’s overall body language: Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously. 

3. Take notice of any defensiveness: Liars will often take offence to any indication that they’re under suspicion. They’re likely to throw any accusations you throw at them back at you. They will also talk too much, feeling the need to over-explain themselves. 

4. Home in on facial expressions: Liars fail to control their micro-expressions. While fibbing, you may notice nervous twitching. Their hand may be covering or touching their face. People also tend to touch the mouth when feeling guilty or anxious. They’re particularly good with fake smiles. 

5. Don’t overlook the Pinocchio reaction: When a human tells a lie, extra blood gets pumped through the body and the nose swells by a fraction of millimeter. Liars may subsequently touch the tip of their nose unconsciously. 

6. Concentrate on the eyes: A liar has a troubled brow and downcast or darting eyes. They have trouble directly engaging your gaze. They also give you eye-accessing clues. If the person is telling you the truth, he’ll look up and to the left since that’s the side of the brain we use for recalling information. If she’s lying, she’ll look up and to the right, which is the creative side of the brain, because she’s mentally constructing something that hasn’t happened. 

7. Note the person’s voice: The higher the stakes are, the more the liar has a fear of getting caught. With this, the liar 
has a harder time controlling his body language or her voice. The pitch or rate of the speech may change, with the individual giving a lot of “umms” and “ahhs.” Often, a liar will appear stilted and monotone. Answers may seem rehearsed.

White Lies......... ;)

Source>>>>>>>>>>>

Lies are usually a strict ‘no’ in a relationship, but at times "white lies" is all one needs to keep the spark alive.

Most couples have to resort to white lies at times to salvage the relationship as the truth can either be embarrassing or put the relationship in jeopardy. "The real truth can at times tear off things, so why not keep them in between the sheets," strongly affirms Dr. Samir Parikh. 

He further adds, "Pressurising your partner to tell the whole truth is not a top priority for couples, so many a times couples resort to white lies". Is it then better to tell a white lie and spare someone's feelings or is it better to spill the beans? Here are some of the most common lies that couples tell.... 

1. You're perfect : "I love you just the way you are and I would not change a thing about you". These are the words that a woman would love to hear from her beau. Snehasish, a graphic designer admits, "If these lines are what bring a smile on her lips, then what's wrong? I don't see any harm in this lie. Let's be serious - nobody is perfect. But always be ready for some confrontation, as your partner may figure out you are telling the truth." 

Shikha Pratap, a 30-year-old media manager who has recently had a baby adds, "I have put on some weight post delivery, but I just love it when I ask my hubby whether I am still the best looking woman in the world for him, and he looks deep into my eyes and says, 'Honey, you are simply perfect.' I know it's a white lie, but being perfect for him is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Any woman would love to be desired by her better half." The notion of perfection is not limited merely to the fairer sex. Thirty five-year-old Jatin Hashmi adds, "I hate my beer belly, but when I ask my wife if she's embarrassed by my weight - she has a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and says I am perfect. It's such a turn on for a man." 

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says, "Interpretation of what is being said is most important. One generally looks for an easy escape route, and a positive reaction is always welcome. The words when spoken must never hurt one's feeling. One should master the art of communication." 

2. Roving eyes don't bother : A lot of couples seem to be okay with their partner's flirtatious ways or at least lying about it. But most of the times, even if your girl says a "yes" with a heavy heart, she is definitely upset about flirting. Most women hate to feel second best if you tell her you are going out for a night around town with your guy friends. Similarily, most guys are lying when they say they don't get jealous when other men are hitting on their girl in a night club. 

Wise Counsel : Manoj Khanna, a counseling psychologist says, "Commitment is the key in a long standing relationship. The relationship should have transparency so that the partners can share things openly between themselves and this is where communication plays a significant role. One should not make his roving eyes a perennial habit, as that's where most infidelity problems crop up. If you are upset with your partner, try and communicate your fears and insecurities rationally to them as lying might put a temporary cover on them." 

3. Intricacies about one's past relationship : At times, it's safe to hide the small intricacies like the depth of one's past relationships in terms of physical intimacy. Some truths are best when hidden. But yes, on the other hand be sure that you are clever enough to reveal what's important and camouflage what's the bitter truth. "I have had a very bitter past," says 26-year-old Gauri Senapathy, "my ex boyfriend was violent and often physically abusive. I am now happily settled and I know that if I talk to my man about it he would not be able to handle the truth about how I was beaten up. I thus often say to him that I had a bad relationship, omitting the gory details. Why add to the troubles in life?," she feels. 

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says that, "Emotional openness is very important in a relationship. But try and weigh the pros and cons of being candid to your partner. Acceptance of the truth in a healthy way adds to the strength of a relationship. Past relationships have their own emotional attachments, so if your better half has had the courage to come clean, it's important to respect their wishes and be supportive. Here the maturity of the partner is all important."

Emotionally Needy Risk Depression..............

Source>>>>>>>>>>>

Emotionally needy individuals are at greater risk of recurring depression, says a new Canadian  study.

Myriam Mongrain, who is associate professor of psychology in York University here, studied graduate students with a history of depression, rating their levels of emotional dependence. 

She again interviewed the participants 20 months later to check recurrence of a major depression. 

Her findings in the study "Healthy and unhealthy dependence: Implications for major depression,'' show that emotionally needy individuals have much greater risk of relapse than their "love-dependent" counterparts. 

In psychology jargon, "love dependence'' refers to a type of interpersonal relationship in which one's needs are not sacrificed and self-definition is not compromised. 

"Our findings suggest that the more mature form of interpersonal dependence may actually confer protective advantages and possibly some resilience against depressive recurrences,'' said Mongrain. 

She said her findings support a three-factor model of emotional dependence, which separates the trait into unhealthy, intermediate, and healthy types. 

"The unique contribution of this study is in the delineation of healthy and unhealthy aspects of emotional dependence," said Mongrain. 

"We tend to think of dependency as a negative term, but some forms are quite adaptive, as long as the individual can retain a healthy level of assertiveness,'' she said. 

Mongrain said the three levels of emotional dependence were derived from measuring the following traits: neediness; submissiveness; pleasing others; caring about what others think; exploitability; connectedness, and love. 

Men and women did not differ significantly on any of the measures, she said. 

Mongrain said women typically scored higher on measures of emotional dependence. 

However, her sample consisted of individuals with a history of major depression, and as such, may have been different from the overall population, she said. 

Her study found age to be a factor, with older participants reporting being less needy and not caring what others thought of them. But the average age of her study participants was 29. 

The study has been in the British Journal of Clinical Psychology

Handling A Break Up

Source>>>>>>>>>>>

A lot of resemblance is found between Yankees and Expectations of Relationships. A relationship enjoys a nice regular season, attendance record is broken and most of the times enjoy an easy ride to the next season. But just like the current Yankees, if one or two things take a different turn while on the ride to the crucial level in the road, the next level and in this case, the relationship itself could come to an end.

It is hardly found that women are friendly with their ex-flames. So instead of finding a solution to bring things back on track, the opposite route is always chosen, i.e., just to break off things and start searching for a replacement! But just after a few weeks or months we realize that this will not exist as the long-term solution and then we accept and appreciate our first love. Even if some of the old relationships are not completely accepted by our minds, but, going back to the same relations is a far better option than remaining alone.

You should ask yourself this question before you get back to your ex, do you sincerely miss her presence?

Is it for the intense conversation and friendship that existed between you for which you want her back ? or is it just for that fancy wedding date, or to fulfill your sexual requirements, or for the fulfillment of your pleasure or just the sex ?

Often, none of the aforesaid answers provide a solution. The answer, in many cases, is none of the above. In its place, the backdated “jealousy” tempts us to drop our honor and our attempts to win her back. Quite often we come across this paradox of low self-respect and shocking ego that makes us restrict the legal behavior of our exes (holding hands in a public place or making out with another person at a bar).

Your illogical efforts in controlling his moves often result in making you a fool ( like sending text messages, email or voicemail). These initiatives spoil any possibility of bringing him back to you. In reality, those irrational attempts at control (angry voicemail, email, text messages, etc.) can make you look foolish. These reflect how much you care about him but in the end, it speaks volumes of you being over jealous without the knife.