Infidelity seems to have become synonymous with relationships in today's fast paced, urban life. So, if your partner is temperamental, spending less time with you, or saying no to sex much too often, there are chances that he/she is having an affair.
While accepting this may be easier said than done, but it is certainly better to know the bitter truth than to hurt yourself and regret later. Here are some signs to watch out for...
Is he/she distancing himself/herself from you?
If there is an uncomfortable distance between both of you and you are clueless as to how to bridge the gap or if your partner has been ignoring you recently, it is likely that he is looking for affection outside your relationship. Sudden changes in his/her behaviour may be the tell tale signs of an affair.
Anuradha Taneja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker confesses, "I have been feeling distanced from my husband in the last few months. He is never interested in listening to me. Whenever I ask him for advice, he asks me to take my own decisions, he keeps himself pre-occupied with work and his friends and it seems as if he is deliberately avoiding me. I am confused and helpless."
Tell tale signs: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor suggests, "It is normal for stress and work pressures to create conflicts between couples occasionally. However, if it is happening too often, it is important for couples to share their concerns. Communication is the most effective way to bring you closer."
Is he/she losing interest in sex?
Is he/she temperamental when it comes to getting physically intimate? Does he/she make excuses for not having sex with you? Avoiding intimacy is a sure shot sign to figure out that that your partner is losing interest in you. While it is normal for such incidents to happen occasionally, but if you have been observing these traits much too frequently, there's a possibility that he/she is cheating on you.
Devendra Rai (name changed on request), 29, who works with a multinational company in Gurgaon says, "My wife is just not into me from the last few months. Whenever I try to get intimate with her, she either tells me that she is too tired to have sex or is not in the mood. She is irritable and is losing interest in me. I have even tried talking to her about the problem, but she keeps avoiding these conversations."
Agreeing with Devendra, Kriti Kapoor (name changed on request), 35, a businesswoman, confesses, "My husband had been losing interest in sex since last few months. Even when I tried to take an initiative, he told me he is not in the mood and avoided me. I recently got to know through a common friend that he has an affair with his college friend who was also his ex girlfriend. I didn't trust my friend until I saw them together at a pub late night where I had gone to attend my friend's party."
Tell tale signs: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues suggests, "It is vital for couples to share their expectations when it comes to physical intimacy. Distancing yourself from each other will only add to the problems. Physical display of affection is important to sustain a relationship."
Does he/she argue with you on petty issues?
If your partner is irritable or argumentative on petty issues, looks for reasons to initiate a heated discussion and never respects your opinion, it may be a sign of trouble brewing in your paradise. Accretion of these signals could point to something more ominous happening in your world.
Poonam Biswas (name changed on request), 27, who works with an advertising agency confesses, "My boyfriend has been behaving absurdly in the last few weeks. We just don't seem to agree on anything. He finds faults with everything I say and accuses me of being overtly possessive. I have noted a drastic change in his behaviour suddenly."
Tell tale signs: "Mutual trust and understanding is the key to a successful relationship. Suspecting each other puts a serious dent in your relationship and the damages are often irrecoverable. You may not agree on everything, but it is necessary to respect each other's opinions during a conversation," adds Manmeet.
What does his body language say?
Observing your partner's body language may be an effective way to find out if he is losing interest in you. As the old adage goes, 'Actions speak louder than words'. So, if he/she is just not into you anymore, his/her body language will tell all.
Anuj Mittal (name changed on request), 32, who works at a private bank in Delhi says, "My wife and I have recently started arguing more often in the last six months. She comes back late from work and often tells me that she has to go out for dinner with one of her clients. When I tried asking her about her associations, she gets offended and looks nervous, she starts fumbling and walks out of the room. For the next one week, she avoids talking to me. I later read an SMS on her cell phone from her client asking her to meet him for a movie. I just couldn't believe it. She later confessed to me that she was having an affair with him and now wants a divorce from me."
Tell tale signs: Savita Mishra, a body language expert explains, "Your body language influences what other people think or feel about you. Say, if you have a habit of touching your nose while having a conversation, it can be perceived as a sign of deception. Not maintaining eye contact, looking away, sweating heavily may also be some signs by which you can identify dishonesty. When people are being dishonest, their gestures and words aren't in sync. If he/she assumes a defensive position or immediately changes the subject, gets up from the chair and suddenly walks out of the room, it may mean that they are lying and are getting defensive."
Does he/she compare/criticise you?
If your man/woman keeps criticising your appearance, your attire, your behaviour or compares you with his/her colleagues or his/her friend's girlfriend/boyfriend, you can assume that he/she is looking for lame excuses to part from you. It may be the right time to tell your partner 'Enough is enough'.
Tanvi Mitra (name changed on request), 26, a PR professional agrees, "My hubby has been behaving strangely over the last few months. He has a very close friend at his workplace who is a lady and he always keeps comparing me with her. It annoys me, but whenever I try to explain my feelings to him he gets irritated."
Tell tale signs: "Mocking or criticising your partner is equivalent to disrespecting him/her. Even if your relationship is going through a rough patch, it is best to keep yourself from venting out your frustration on each other," says Archana Nanda, a psychologist.
Does he/she hide things from you?
The easiest way to find out whether or not your partner is having an affair is to keenly observe his behaviour and his belongings. If he/she is too possessive about his/her laptop, leaves the room whenever he/she is on phone or deletes messages from his/her message box and is cautious while checking his E-mails when you are around, there is definitely something that he is hiding from you.
Priyanka Ahuja (name changed on request), 33, a homemaker shares, "My husband is very possessive about his mails and cell phone. In fact, I recently came to know that he has another cell phone which I wasn't aware of. Whenever I ask him about his whereabouts, he says, 'I am out for some work'. He also avoids taking my calls. I am feeling insecure and helpless."
Tell tale signs: "If you are confused as to whether your suspicions are real or it's just the fear of losing your partner, it is important to be sure before accusing your partner of having an affair. It is also important to weigh your options before causing damage to your relationship," adds Archana.
Does he avoid taking you out for parties/dinners?
If your partner leaves for work early and comes back late, evades spending time at home, often goes out for business trips or official parties and deliberately avoids taking you along, is reluctant to introduce you to his friends/colleagues or avoids being spotted with you in public places, you are most likely being duped.
Yamini Sachdev (name changed on request), 34, who works with an insurance company in Indore says, "My husband never takes me along to his official parties, whereas his colleagues bring along their spouses on some occasions. He keeps talking on the phone for late hours and whenever I ask him, he just says that he is on an official call."
"Infidelity can be a painful experience. If either you or your partner have been unfaithful, it would be better to discuss the reasons that caused you to seek love outside your relationship. Finding the causes of the problem may give you a better understanding of the situation. You may also seek professional help if required," suggests Manmeet.
rakshita.pandey@indiatimes.co.in
Source:TOI
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