You've known her for long enough, been on several dates, long drives and candlelit dinners that are not new anymore. But when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level – you fumble, falter and just can't figure out how to make that vital first move. You are not alone, when it comes to getting intimate with a woman, most men don't know how to get the action kick started.
So, what should you do that lets your love interest know what's exactly on your mind without having to spill the beans to her? Answers relationship expert, Arvinder Kaur, "As goes the old adage 'actions speak louder than words' when it comes to winning your dream woman."
So, here are some real life tips to help you make your way into your lady love's heart and leaving her crave for more...
Start with being chivalrous
A common mistake that most men make is expecting to get a woman and explore her all at once! The truth is that by doing so, they would simply scare her off. To begin with, it is the art of touching a woman that matters most. Win her over it in a way that she gradually gets comfortable with your touch. You can begin by offering her your arm while walking down the street or gently touching her back as you open the door for her. Arpit Kaushik (name changed on request), 34, a manager with a multi national company tells us his mantra to win a woman's heart. "I have dated at least four women since the time I was in college. One thing that I've learnt from my experience is that they pay a lot of attention to good manners and chivalry. They are not too comfortable with just about any acquaintance touching their body. So, you need to take it really slow. Once they are convinced that you respect them and value their consent before making a physical gesture, they'll trust you and your touch."
Agreeing with Kaushik, Naina Awasthi (name changed on request), a marketing professional adds, "Women certainly have a sense of judgment when it comes to a man touching her. I would certainly not appreciate a person who I am not comfortable with to kiss me or take me to bed right away. Women like guys who take their time getting to know her mind first before graduating to the next level."
The whispering game
Why not be different when it comes to making the first move? Instead of kissing her right on her lips, try sharing a secret. "When whispering sweet nothings to your girl, speak in a sexy way as women tend to pay more attention to your tone rather than what you say. Deepen your voice, speak slowly and with conviction. Take care not to make it too dramatic," suggests Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues.
Mohit Malviya (name changed on request), 29, who works with a call centre in Gurgaon adds, "My girlfriend loves me whispering in her ear. It really turns her on. I think most women like men who are expressive and generous with compliments. So, I always make it a point to tease my girl by whispering something like, 'You look sexy tonight' or 'Want to go back home?' if we are at a party. It works for me."
Ears are an erogenous part of the female body. Murmured words have a greater impact than a high-pitched or loud voice. A soft and subtle voice is a sure shot way to turn on a woman," explains Garg.
Give her clues
Did you know that giving her clues or teasing her about having sex can be the first step to 'actually' having it?Unfortunately, some men tend to blurt out their sexual desires and end up portraying themselves as creepy. So, instead of being overtly direct in your conversation, try dropping sexual hints. For instance, if she tells you that you are good at driving, tell her you are good at several things and see the magic working for you.
Gautam Acharya (name changed on request), 28, an IT professional says, "I was madly in love with a girl whom I met at my gym. I was very attracted to her and we soon became friends. I proposed to her after a couple of months and we started dating. I knew it right from the beginning that she wasn't the kind of person who would let me get close to her too soon. So I started behaving as if she was trying to hit on me. If she ever asked me to drop her home, I teased her by saying, 'Oh! So you're trying to get too close to me?' She just loved it. And surprisingly, soon after she was the one who made the first move."
Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor opines, "Most women are hesitant to discuss sex with a man they are not comfortable with. If the man is too bold or turns the conversation directly towards sex, chances are he would lose her. So, it's advisable to take things slow and hint to her indirectly that you are interested in her."
Patience is a virtue!
Patience is truly a virtue when it comes to winning your woman. Teasing her in the right ways and keeping her waiting will make her want more of you. Keep her anticipating. Hold her as if you were just about to kiss her, gently move your fingers through her hair and then whisper tenderly in her ear, but don't kiss her just yet. Women just love men who possess self-control. Set the stage and hold back for a while. Don't be surprised if she grabs you soon after!
Nikhil Meheshwari (name changed on request), 32, who works with a telecom company in Mumbai confesses, "I firmly believe that patience is the key. When I am in the mood for some action, all I need to do is tempt my wife. I make the first move, turn her on and playfully leave it mid-way. And most of the times, she comes back to me, vying for more."
Namrata Chabbra (name changed on request), 26, a software professional adds, "My husband tempts me to turn me on. It's certainly a lot of fun. And I must say that one needs a lot of will power to be patient when it comes to making love."
Get naughty, play games
Look for ways to get closer to her – whether it's helping her learn a sport or turning on some soothing music and asking her out for a dance. Also, take care not to be too boring in your conversation – don't ask predictable questions. Instead of being a dud, ask her something like, "What's your zodiac sign?" Add something like, "You know what they say about Taureans?"
Vikram Motwani (name changed on request), 27, who works with a private bank in Delhi observes, "My girlfriend gets turned on with things I could never even have thought of. At times, it is a romantic dance in a crowded party or swimming together on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I try to find out new ways to get her in the mood and keep the passion alive."
"Most women love men who are unpredictable and experimental – somebody who is always willing to do different things to win her heart. This technique also helps couples from keeping monotony and boredom out of their relationship," adds Manmeet.
Meet at your place
Are you used to picking her up from her home and then dropping her there? Next time, try inviting her for dinner atyour place instead, saying, "Want to test my culinary skills?" But don't let her believe that it's 'only sex on your mind'. Accuse her of being naughty. Say things that can turn around the tables with her wanting to get into action, rather than vice versa.
Sharing his idea of a perfect date, Harsh Sinha (name changed on request), who works with a multi-national company in Noida, confesses, "There's no better place to get intimate with a woman rather than your own house, especially if you are living alone. I have tried it several times and my girlfriend feels more comfortable at my place than anywhere else."
Shreya Mehrotra (name changed on request), 25, who works in Pune says, "My boyfriend always plays pranks on me. He would pick me up from my place, tell me he wants to surprise me and would then drive down to his place. But it is fun being alone at his place. He makes me feel very comfortable and knows exactly what turns me on."
Take charge of her
Once the stage is set and you are ready for action, hold her tight. Often, women are insecure about getting too close, too soon. So, take charge and make her feel comfortable. Let your hands to the talking. If she's reluctant of you touching her, just gently hold her hand and place it on your waist. Don't be surprised if she takes charge of you from there on...
Rajiv Kamath, 30, who works with an IT company in Hyderabad says, "I think the best way to make a woman feel comfortable is to go step by step, rather than rushing. My wife loves it when I take the lead and take charge of her. Taking command of the situation and then giving yourself to her – is what works for me."
Psychologist Archana Nanda opines, "It's very important to make a woman feel comfortable before getting close to her. It is also important to take care not to be too demanding, too soon. Once, a woman trusts you enough; she herself will surrender to you."
Be a 'gentleman'
All said and done, don't force yourself upon a woman. Just because you are in the mood for some naughty action, doesn't mean that she is ready for it too. Give her ample time to believe that you are the right guy for her before taking things one step further. Once she is convinced, nothing can hold her back from falling in your arms.
Abhay Mittal, 35, a businessman adds, "It's important to be gentle with a woman. You can't just force yourself upon her until she is ready. What my wife appreciates most about me is that I give her enough space and time to get in the mood, rather than insisting on having sex. Sex should be mutual and not forced."
"Respect is inevitable in a relationship. Until both partners are ready for sex, it's unfair to impose things on him/her. It's also important to communicate your feelings or desires to your partner to strengthen the bonding between you," adds Archana.
Source: TOI
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