Dealing with the 'ex-files'...........

"The Do's and Dont's of Past Relationship..........."

You walked hand in hand once, but today, your directions have changed. The journey you planned to tread together has come to an end. And you are filled with a mixed bag of emotions and questions. Whether to keep in touch with your 'ex' or not? Would it be ok to take the 'friendly route' after a breakup or must you snap all communication? What's the ideal way to deal with our 'ex-files', we explore...

Going through a barrage of emotions may be difficult to handle as you are eager to go back to a friendly camaraderie with your ex. But post a break-up, your actions, reactions and solutions depend upon the kind of relationship you shared. Interior designer Priya Gill, who never bid farewell to her past opines, "I don't see any reason why one should not keep in touch with his/her ex. You should know where to draw the line and pull back where you feel uncomfortable. The 'ex' is someone you know well (probably). If there was no disaster that happened or a bitter betrayal that snapped ties, why should you be rude and ignorant?"

In an ideal world, one would love to stay friends with their 'ex'. After all, they meant the world to each other at one point and also it's hard to let go. Journalist Kalpana Roy opines, "I personally have deleted my ex's contact details from my address book, cell phone and even my E-mails. But it didn't happen overnight. Though we ended our affair mutually, I kept chatting with them on a friendly basis initially. But then issues popped up, so it was best for me was to cut my exes out. I believe in living in the present".

So, is it better to leave no strings attached? Well, at least until you know you can manage to be friends, taking this route is easier. "It might just make dealing with your break-up more painful," answers psychologist Nimissha adding, "It is not that easy to cut the chord with the one you have shared a high level of intimacy. It completely depends on the nature of the break-up. Also, mutual understanding between the two matters while choosing to be in touch or not, so that there's no scope of misconceptions in the future. While being 'just friends' one has to clearly ascertain the boundaries".

Post break-up, one needs time to settle with one's own self. So, leaving each other alone is advisable. For a while till you have overcome your own conflicting emotions, stop running after each other, bombarding one another with phone calls, text messages and E-mails. Keep in mind the reasons of your break up, until your mind is in sync with your heart. Psychiatrist Dr Samir Praikh says, "It's not advisable to keep in touch with your 'ex' immediately after you have parted ways. Reduce the frequency of contacts to a bare minimum as this may drain one emotionally. It's very important to realise what you actually want - to keep in touch or move ahead in life".

At times, neither breaking ties is easy, nor is it convenient to be friends. "My 'ex' boyfriend was my close friend for more than one year. I wanted to be friends after we broke up. But then he wanted to get back together, which I wasn't in favour of. Finally, he chose to not being in touch and moving on. It's hard for me to deal with his absence as I still crave to know about his well-being once in while," relates Namita who is still trying to come in terms with her break up.

Sexual urges are another aspect that can't be ignored because it's only natural that you have shared some amount of intimacy with your ex. It's human to miss the sexual intimacy you once shared with your partner. As Priya says, "I am high on my urges. I felt awkward at first to reveal it to my ex, but then slowly we started chatting on friendly lines. I shared my sexual desires with him as a friend. And to my surprise I got the same response from my ex boyfriend who was also going through the same desires." Sexual temptations are natural as Dr Megha Kapoor says, "One night stands are common between old flames, but one should know each other's comfort levels. Remember once you have indulged in physical intimacy after a break up, there should be no room left for repentance as that will only worsen matters."

Just know that your ex may not have been the right person for you and be ready to move on...it's for the better! Apart from the said reasons, there are few things that one can do when it comes to dealing with your 'ex':
Accept it: "Accept the fact that you guys are not a couple any more and that your ex may even date others. That apart, you will have to find a healthy way to deal with the bitterness that may have been the reasons for your break up," confirms Nimissha. Share with caution – "There might be certain things that you both may have shared while you were together, just like a bank account that may be joint. So think of a way of sharing it with one another, but at he same time, find a way to control the nagging urge to go back," says Dr. Parikh.
No fix-it man: There is no reason why you should to be her fix-it man. "It is okay to help your ex out once in a while, but you have to make it clear that you are no more an active part of her daily life" adds Dr. Parikh.
Start fresh: You need to move on and this may not involve your ex. "You may need to seek for solace in a new friend, leaving your past behind. And learn that there's no harm in starting afresh," adds psychologist Megha Kapoor.
Be understanding: Until and unless you are ready to let go of your inner frustration, bitterness anger, you can't move on. "There might come times when you feel being used, abused and even taken advantage of. But that was the past and you have to deal with the present," adds Megha.
Source: TOI

Let's talk about sex baby..............

With kids being exposed today to a wide variety of sexual matters, topics like sex and relationships aren't considered a taboo anymore for modern day parents.

Yet it's shocking to observe the result of a new poll that declares that 'sex still continues being a taboo subject for parents'. In an era where we talk about imparting sex education to school students' right from their primary school days, it comes as an utter shock to see parents feeling shy about broaching the topic of sex with their children, especially teenage daughters. Avoiding conversations about puberty, not discussing sexual preferences or relationships in general, the survey Commissioned by the Girls Schools' Association revealed that over one third of parents found such talks hard to initiate. It's high time that parents come out of the shell and adopt a candid approach about sex. Dr. RK Gupta, a clinical physiologist, (dealing in behavioural problems of children), states, "In India, there's an obvious reluctance among parents when it comes to discussing sexuality or relationship with kids. While some stay silent assuming that the child is getting enough education in school on the subject, other believe that telling children about sex will encourage sexual experimentation, so they would rather focus on other areas like kids' academics and achievements, study habits, leisure time activities etc." Sharing her story, Indu Verma, mother to a 14-year-old daughter recalls, "I was apprehensive talking about sexuality with my daughter. Though she often approached me with certain queries related to sex, I would just ignore her concerns, presuming that it's not the right age for her and I was also worried that it may affect her mental growth. Moreover, I could never find an appropriate way in which I could start off a discussion with her, so I avoided such talks." Dr M Phani Prasant, a consultant psychiatrist, (Adult, Child, de-addiction), Care Hospital opines, "Worrying that discussing sex has negative consequences on a child's growth are nothing but myths holding parents back from adopting a candid approach towards their kids. They must stop assuming that sexuality is a natural process the child will gradually learn. Parents need to make up their mind first and then look for ways in which they can start off a conversation." Sex education involves more than just the biological mechanics of reproduction. Ideally, a variety of important topics should be covered including relationships and emotions, sexual feelings, values, gender roles, sexuality, sexually transmissible infections (STIs), pregnancy and birth control, safer sex practices and contraception, sexual acts other than intercourse, sexual problems, sexual preferences etc.

Ways in which parents can initiate talks related to sexuality with teenage kids
We get experts from different spheres to share ways in which parents can initiate talks related to sexuality and relationship with teenage kids.

Lay the building blocks : Talking about sexuality has to be a step-by-step process that starts from the basics and shifts to other verticals. Only when parents are comfortable in the initial stages, they can move ahead in the conversation. Dr Deepak Gupta, child and adolescent psychiatrist, Sir Gangaram Hospital elaborates, "Parents need to work on their own apprehensions.
Then they can start off with basics like body changes, hormonal growth and puberty, before progressing to environmental and social perspectives, relationship bonding and gender differences and finally sexuality issues. In this way, neither the child feels awkward nor would parents face any difficulty in making them understand the intimate details."

Pick hints from TV, movies : Enough of switching off the TV or changing the channel every time you come across a contraceptive commercial or an intimate film scene. Instead of an embarrassing facial expression, use the opportunity to educate your child about sexuality using these references.
Dr Prasant adds, "As sexuality has become so obvious on screen, parents can utilise it as a resource to open up with their young ones. Discussing such scenes and advertisements doesn't mean being too explicit in your approach, but it's about dealing with the questions and doubts that a child may nurture and at the same time giving them the desired information about an otherwise forbidden subject."

Seek media help : Society today is flooded with sexual images from the media and a teenager's perception of sex and sexuality can be skewed by incorrect or misleading information from a variety of sources including magazines, newspapers, and television. Dr Amit Gupta, a psychiatrist, (Adult General Psychiatry), suggests, "The family background determines how parents discuss sex with children, using written material can be an apt way and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If parents act responsibly, they can inform their children and help them feel comfortable and knowledgeable about sexuality, using material like books, articles, videos, youth websites etc."

Share text messages and E-mails : The advent of text messaging and E-mail has brought many parents closer together to their teenage children by making the conversation less formal. Dr Deepak supports, "Once the child forms a candid bond with a mother or father and starts sharing their personal messages and E-mails related to relationship and sexuality sans any inhibitions, parents can be attentive and start off a discussion. Such informal and funny messages and mails, including jokes and visuals on marriage, couples, pregnancy etc, can facilitate such sexuality based talks."

Form parents' group : The more you read, talk and discuss, the more you learn. Dr Prasant advices, "By forming peer groups, parents can device more ideas and better ways in which they can talk about sex with their children. Also, it gives a platform to all parents to share their experiences about discussing sex with their child and if anyone has issues, they can find out ways of coping with it."

Arrange joint seminars : Parents need to learn the importance of sex education. Dr Amit assets, "Parents are hesitant in discussing about sex with children because they themselves aren't too aware about the subject, so they need to get tie right education first and then educate their children. Hosting joint seminars creates a collective forum for parents, teachers and kids to discuss sexuality and get all their doubts cleared on a larger platform. Such seminars would also help parents convey their concerns about the child's sexual preferences and relationship choices, which otherwise is an issue that's never talked about."
monika.rawal@indiatimes.co.in

Source: TOI

ManTras 2 reclaim SEX life............

If the credit crunch managed to limp your sex life last year, then here are nine tips from an expert to help restore those lost charms in the bedroom.

Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist, said that recession had taken its toll on people in general who were subsequently “having less sex”. "Fifty million people are stuck in a sex rut. The economy inhibits a person's libido because they feel stressed and depressed,” Fox News quoted Kerner as saying.
The author of Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent's Guide to Getting It on Again has proposed nine ways to help those looking to give a boost to their passion. Here are nine ways to reclaim your sex life:

1. Just go ahead with it: “It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it’s hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect.”

2. Connect with each other: “You can’t just turn sex on when it’s time to go to bed.You need to build that sense of connection."

3. Stay positive: “Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It’s easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication.”

4. Prioritise your relationship: “Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it’s 11:30 p.m. and it’s too late for sex. There’s no urgent need to check your BlackBerry — your relationship has to be a priority.”

5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex drive and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."

6. Reveal fantasies: “In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a fantasy. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticising, express it in a sexy way.”

7. Lend a helping hand: “A lot of women aren’t interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes and men can’t always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that’s really important.”

8. Be honest: “One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn’t perfect — guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in ’08 you were saying something didn’t matter, (maybe) it does in ’09. Sex changes from year to year and ’09 is a new year.”

9. Create the right environment, ‘the love nest’: “Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses.”
Source: TOI

Women's sexual pleasure linked to wealth........

Cassie is unrepentant about dating rich men. "Of course it is much better to sleep with men with lots of money," said the 27-year-old lawyer from
London. "Any girl who tells you different is lying. Rich men are powerful and successful and confident and charismatic. They know what they want, and they go out and get it. That translates to being fantastic in bed." Cassie is living proof of the latest scientific discovery about human sexuality: that the number and frequency of a woman's orgasms is directly related to her partner's wealth. Her explanation is simple. "Women don't want to lie back and think of the gas bill," she said. "It's a lot more fun to have sex in the Ritz than the Swindon Travelodge. And to be ripping off Rigby & Peller underwear than M&S knickers." Until now some of us may have taken consolation in the idea that the beautiful women involved in such relationships were just doing it for the lifestyle - and enduring the sex. Now, however, science is showing that a rich man's money has aphrodisiac qualities as well as purchasing power. Their partners really can have it all. Many will object to the idea that women are hardwired to be gold-diggers. Perhaps, however, they will be appeased by the revelation that the same kinds of primitive forces are at work in men too. They may operate in different ways and produce different behaviour - but they come from exactly the same source: a genetic code fine-tuned by millions of years of evolution to make us seek out whoever offers us the best deal in life. Thomas Pollet and Daniel Nettle, academics at the University of Newcastle, have been mulling over this question for years. As evolutionary psychologists, they believe everything about the way we flirt, court, have sex and bring up our children is strongly influenced by our genetic history. If female humans have acquired the ability to have powerful orgasms, they argue, then women will have evolved that ability for a reason. "Women's capacity for orgasm could be an evolutionary adaptation that serves to discriminate between males on the basis of their quality," said Pollet. "If so, then it should be more frequent in females paired with high-quality males." He and Nettle tested that idea using data gathered in one of the world's biggest lifestyle studies. The Chinese Health and Family Life Survey targeted 5,000 people across China to conduct in-depth interviews about their personal lives, including detailed questions about their sex lives, income and other factors. Among these were 1,534 women with male partners whose data formed the basis for the study. They found that 121 of these women always had orgasms during sex, while 408 had them "often". Another 762 "sometimes" orgasmed, while 243 had them rarely or never. There were, of course, several factors at work in causing such differences but, said Pollet, money was one of the main ones. He said: "We found that increasing partner income had a highly positive effect on women's self-reported frequency of orgasm. More desirable mates cause women to experience more orgasms." This is not an effect limited to Chinese women. Previous research in Germany and America has found similar responses. However, it begs a further question: what does an orgasm actually achieve? Why does having more of them give a woman's genes a better chance of passing down the generations? David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, who raised this question in his book The Evolution of Desire, believes female orgasms achieve several possible purposes. "They could promote emotional bonding with a high-quality male or they could serve as a signal that they are highly sexually satisfied, and hence unlikely to seek sex with other men," he said. "In other words, they are saying ‘I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children'."

The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...

hrough my research and personal experience, I've found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors. Here they are:

» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"

Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?
Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.

As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:

• Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.
• Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.

Too much physical contact, especially in public.If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.

The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.
But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:

» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side

Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.

Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.

Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...

» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"

A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.

Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.
When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.

If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.
It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...

Source: http://howtounderstandmen.net/

Decoding Sex Harmones............. ; ))

Ever wondered why Oxytoxin is referred to as the 'love hormone', while Testosterone is tagged as the 'libido driver'? Why on some days you feel like a meek kitten, while on other occasions you are no less than a sex Goddess or a passion Guru? Or why your knees go weak and palms sweat at the thought of approaching the one you find attractive?

Well, the answer to all these questions lies in the cocktail of hormones working on your body at a particular given time, which gives lovers the much-talked about 'high'. Believe it or not, but hormones are a major catalyst in turning that effusive first glance into a lasting relationship stamped by a well-endowed sex life.

"A set of male and female hormones generated in our body at different stages of a relationship play a vital role in making or marring our sex drive, libido or sexual desires," tells, Dr Pankaj Aggarwal , a Delhi-based endocrinologist. So, here are some facts about the libido-governing hormones which constitute the major ingredients of our sex drive:

1. Testosterone: The first stage of love, which is pure lust and the final performance in bed, both the landmarks of a relationship are ruled by this hormone. So when your eyes meet someone, the body secretes testosterone, while the mind feels 'in love'. Tagged as the male hormone, testosterone governs libido and performance in males to a larger extent. But, a generous helping of this male hormone is also produced in women to improve their sexual desire, arousal and sexual response. "Note that high levels of testosterone alone doesn't result into a higher sex drive, it needs to be a combination of hormones working together," adds Aggarwal.
Testosterone killers:

• Stress
• Weight gain, particularly around the waistline
• Chronic conditions like high blood pressure, high blood sugar and elevated blood lipids.
• Alcohol suppresses the production of testosterone, so keep a tab on your booze binges.

Testosterone boosters:

• Exercising maintaining a healthy and stress free lifestyle
• A handful of almonds, peanuts or walnuts each day keep your testosterone levels high.
• If your endocrinologist feels the need, he/she can prescribe external testosterones in the form of pills, or a transdermal patch or injection.
  

2. Estrogen :
Though men also generate a tiny bit of this female hormone, but this hormone is of utmost importance in women. Produced in their ovaries, Estrogen regulates a woman's menstrual cycle and keep her pleasure levels soaring high in a relationship. "They also determine a woman's chances of conceiving a child," reveals gynaecologist Dr Charulata. "This hormone is the major desire trigger, arousal and performance stimulator that leads to the Big O in the case of women," tells Aggarwal. Studies reveal that high levels of estrogen make women look and feel prettier. They also exhibit thrill-seeking behaviour or a higher interest in sexual activities. In days, when your estrogen levels are high, you might find yourself open to relationships right from casual dating, harmless flirting to serious affairs. But an excess of this female hormone among men, however can dampen their sexual appetite, leading to erectile dysfunction and breast enlargement.
Estrogen killers: Stress Weight loss Extreme dieting bordering on malnutrition
Estrogen boosters: Supplements taken in medical supervision Eating plenty of wheat and soy, which are considered as estrogen boosters Studies reveal that two cups of coffee can also boost estrogen levels.

3. Oxytocin
Often referred to as the 'hormone of love' or the 'cuddle hormone', Oxytocin is a bonding booster that assists in childbirth and helps mothers bond with their newborn babies. The hormone is produced naturally in the brain of both the sexes. In males, moderate concentration of Oxytocin facilitates penile erection and accelerates ejaculatory behaviour.

On the whole, it intensifies feelings of intimacy after sexual intercourse, making the partners grow fonder of each other, which ultimately results in strengthening a relationship. Not just this, it also helps in reducing anxieties and calm phobias as the presence of this hormone helps to develops trust.
Oxytocin killers: Lack of physical touch
Oxytocin boosters: Dates have oxytocin boosting properties. "Women's brain reacts well to holding hands, kind looks, cuddling and caressing as such acts release increased amounts of oxytocin. While, men need an orgasm to have a stronger flush of oxytocin," explains Aggarwal. Now, you know why men feel loved after a sexual communion, while a woman needs a trusting touch.

4. Norepinephrine:
The sweaty hands and weak knees that one experiences at the first touch of the opposite sex, often referred to as the adrenaline rush is caused due to the high concentration of this hormone - norepinephrine. The brain releases this hormone and it activates a host of physiological changes.

"A rise in the levels of norepinephrine leads to arousal and mood elevation, which makes you feel good. At the same time, when it comes to sexual prowess, this hormone leads to the contraction of the veins in the sex organs which trap blood and hold an erection in men," explains Aggarwal. However, excess of this hormone can also trigger negative emotions and anxiety.

5. Dopamine:
Known as the 'feel-good' chemical, dopamine is responsible for the rush of emotions that transforms an initial lust into a stronger bonding and finally a lasting relationship. "Dopamine affects certain brain processes which control emotional response and the ability to experience pleasure and generate responses," explains Khurana. These hormones play an important role in flagging off desire and arousal. Men report a higher release of this hormone in comparison to women and this can be traced as a reason why men have a stronger longing for sex than women.
Dopamine boosters: Diets rich in proteins boost dopamine and norepinephrine levels heightening sexual sensitivity. Fish, red meat, chicken, turkey or eggs can be taken in one's diet to boost dopamine/norepinephrine. Herbs like ginseng, nettles, red clover, fenugreek and peppermint also help in raising the dopamine/norepinephrine levels in the body.

6. Cortisol
Often referred to as a 'stress hormone', excess of Cortisol has negative affects on one's sex drive. It will be no exaggeration to tag Cortisol as the antithesis of testosterone. The body releases his hormone in a state of being tired, frustrated, over worked, anxious, angry or depressed. And when stress attacks your body, your sex drive is the worst hit, apart from other ailments that come along. So, emotional well-being with a calm mind and a stress-free lifestyle are major players to enrich one's sex life.
Cortisol killers: Deep breathing exercises Relaxation exercises Meditation and sound sleep
Cortisol boosters: Stress and tension: "Though it is impossible to eliminate stress from human existence, it is very important for your body and mind to get plenty of rest and recovery whenever it is overworked or stressed," suggests Khurana. Excessive weight training can strain the body to an extent that it starts producing excessive cortisol.

Advice: "Food alone can't make-up for a particular hormone deficiency, so make sure you consult your doctor before going for any dietary changes," suggests endocrinologist Dr Khurana. He further adds, "Also, a fall in sexual libido can also be the result of some other sexual, physical and emotional factor. So, consulting a doctor is advised in case the problem is acute."

Source:TOI

9 unspoken rules!.......................

Finding Mr Perfect: VJ Sophie Choudry says, “Always look at a man down to up — if he can’t take care of his shoes, then he can’t take care of you!

Watch out for his shoes: “I have a huge shoe fetish, if he’s not up to the mark, then he can take a walk in the opposite direction.” Actor Shriya Saran says, “Don’t trust guys who wear pointed shoes with heels.”

Kiss and miss: In case of bad mouth odour, it’s better to miss the chance of a kiss than being sorry forever. Actor Sameera Reddy shares, “If you want to refrain from experiencing bad mouth odour that results from drinking alcohol, never air-kiss someone at a party, greet with a flying kiss instead.”

Dancing faux pas: Every fashion book carries this warning: ‘Don’t follow fashion blindly.’ But nobody cares! Model Jesse Randhawa says, “Girls, never wear a G-string with skirts or dresses, because you never know when you can slip and all eyes will be on you. Also, don’t wear a tube top when dancing; you never know when it will drop!”

Girls, talk less, listen more: Girls, be good listeners. Actor Divya Dutta says, “Guys love when women listen to them. So girls, seal your lips, talk less, listen more and he’ll be all yours.”

‘I’m fine’ means nothing is fine: Being ‘fine’ can also put you in a tricky slot! Stand-up comedian Vir Das says, “When a woman says, ‘I’m fine’, it means she’s not fine and you’re in big trouble. You have to figure out on your own what’s going on in her mind, otherwise you’re dead. She will only be fine when she’s made you suffer long enough.”

Guys love sales: Men too save for sales! VJ Rannvijay spills the beans, “Guys also eagerly wait for sales. They never confess, but they love sales.”

Be a ‘yes’ man: A simple ‘yes’ is better than a doubtful ‘no’. Actor Vishal Malhotra says, “I’ve always been attracted to intelligent women, who have stimulated my brain cells. However, everybody goes through a phase. In the last few months, I have let my standards drop tremendously and now I’m a ‘yes man’. Don’t question her, just say ‘yes honey’ .” [: ))]

Money matters : Girls like men who make them go places. Actor Celina Jaitley says “Every time I look at a horse, I look for my knight in shining armour. Now, I just look at the horse under the man. Believe me, the horse gives better returns!”

Finding the right date: Apply some clever fundas for a smart date! Model Sahil Shroff says, “Don’t flirt with the nightclub owner’s girl, be nice to him and get your drinks for free. Shop alone, a little bit of flirting can get you big discounts. If the girl knows how to cook, then you don’t have to meet her parents. And if you’re dumping her, it’s good. Because the more you practice, the better you get at it!”

Source: TOI

Talks that may trigger 'sex'...........

A prolonged foreplay, a sexy bedroom surprise, a scintillating candle lit dinner and out-of-the-box seduction techniques – couples use all the above methods to woo their partner in bed.

But very few couples know that sometimes all it takes is a subtle conversation to trigger off a steamy sex session. Conversations that lead to sex act are like potent launching platforms that work towards altering your partner's mindset to match yours. If executed correctly, your partner will want to finish the discussion soon and move on towards getting more physically intimate. You may wonder how simple conversational topics with your partner can stimulate your senses for an intimate session, but one must remember that a wholesome sexual experience is about a physiological trigger, rather than a physical trigger. Conversing about subjects like pornography, virginity, sexual preferences, sexual fantasies, sex positions and aphrodisiacs help build the pleasure mood. Dr. Avdesh Sharma, a clinical psychiatrist explains, "Most human beings react emotionally while talking to others. Only a few behave logically. Since most sexual conversation topics bear hidden double meanings, they evoke our sexual senses and leave us feeling gently aroused. Moreover, it's not only the subject of conversation, but also the tone, voice and body language of the person that gives subconscious signals that aid in creating a sexual mood." Dr. Aruna Bruta, a psychologist adds, "While having a normal conversation, there is a tendency that you make a caring statement and that certainly triggers a feeling of affiliation, which in turn makes a slow yet sure way towards a fulfilling sexual experience. Surprisingly even the most serious topics related to sexual preferences like virginity and pornography can create an atmosphere congenial for being intimate."

Here are a few conversations that may push your libido and get you going for action in bed.

Fantasy forum : Everyone nurses unique fantasies, tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. From playing with your partner's earlobes to caressing their ankles, hairline and hips to indulging in your fetishes and wild sexual kinks, let these topics become interesting topics to share with your beau sans any inhibitions. Dr. Amita Mishra, a sex and relationship expert feels, "Once a couple starts sharing their sexual fantasies candidly with each other, it is likely to generate a significant amount of curiosity in both of them and they will naturally wish to try the things which they've just spoke about. Also, once you know about your partner's special turn-ons, you can make the most of them in bed."

Poke at porn : Though watching porn is a sure shot and a commonly known foreplay technique, discussing intimate details of a popular porn flick or talking about the latest cover of a porn magazine may also act as a turn-on. "It completely depends on how you talk about 'porn' as a subject. The essence is candidness and forth-rightedness and not vulgarity. Also, if couples discuss a porn film and later compare their sexual act and partner's performance with what was shown in the movie, it will generate a lot of intimacy and naughtiness that is much needed in a sexual relationship," asserts Dr. Aruna.

Virginity vows : Moral talks are not enticing enough for couples, but they have a propensity to build the heat. Whether virginity is a virtue or a curse remains a debatable subject and if you get lucky enough to talk the issue out with your beau, you may just become willing to put your vows on the test by getting involved in a passion play. Dr. Avdesh says, "Talking of virginity can lead to both emotional and physical intimacy and once the conversation is kicked off, it totally depends on the ambiance which will then make the mood conducive for sex. You may not feel aroused when you watch such a debate on television, but when you discuss it with your partner, there are chances that an aura gets created for you to get blissfully passionate."

Subtle seduction : Couples spend endless hours trying their luck to seduce their partners, but often they fail to strike the right moan zones. In such cases, it's important to realise that before implementing your seduction techniques, discuss them as verbal foreplay often gives you the much needed push towards the bedroom. "It's good to let your partner know about the ways in which you like to get seduced. You may start off telling them which wooing techniques turn you on. As the conversation progresses, the couple will be charged up to slip between the sheets," adds Dr. Amita. Aphrodisiac action : It may sound like a boring topic to discuss with your partner, but it's talking about favourite foods including aphrodisiacs like chocolates, strawberries and caviar may tempt your partner. Dr. Aruna, elucidates, "Talking about passion foods can heighten the feeling of sexiness. In the process of showing concern towards your partner's favourite foods, you make them feel nice, reassured and being taken care of and this comfort zone surely calls for some more intimacy."

Wicked and wild : It may not be on purpose, but the moment you get dirty in your talks and gestures, chances are that you will get carried away and end up making love. Dr. Avdesh, states, "Though couples hesitate in talking dirty, such lewd talks act as prelude to an intimacy as they evoke sexuality in your partner. Initiating a conversation on these lines is like a beginning to get the other person interested and if he/she responds well, it can lead to greater sexual intimacy. So, it's similar to playing a game of words that automatically leads to sizzling between the sheets action."

Source: TOI

Eight Ways 2 Woman's Heart............. ;))

You've known her for long enough, been on several dates, long drives and candlelit dinners that are not new anymore. But when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level – you fumble, falter and just can't figure out how to make that vital first move. You are not alone, when it comes to getting intimate with a woman, most men don't know how to get the action kick started.

So, what should you do that lets your love interest know what's exactly on your mind without having to spill the beans to her? Answers relationship expert, Arvinder Kaur, "As goes the old adage 'actions speak louder than words' when it comes to winning your dream woman."

So, here are some real life tips to help you make your way into your lady love's heart and leaving her crave for more...

Start with being chivalrous

A common mistake that most men make is expecting to get a woman and explore her all at once! The truth is that by doing so, they would simply scare her off. To begin with, it is the art of touching a woman that matters most. Win her over it in a way that she gradually gets comfortable with your touch. You can begin by offering her your arm while walking down the street or gently touching her back as you open the door for her. Arpit Kaushik (name changed on request), 34, a manager with a multi national company tells us his mantra to win a woman's heart. "I have dated at least four women since the time I was in college. One thing that I've learnt from my experience is that they pay a lot of attention to good manners and chivalry. They are not too comfortable with just about any acquaintance touching their body. So, you need to take it really slow. Once they are convinced that you respect them and value their consent before making a physical gesture, they'll trust you and your touch."

Agreeing with Kaushik, Naina Awasthi (name changed on request), a marketing professional adds, "Women certainly have a sense of judgment when it comes to a man touching her. I would certainly not appreciate a person who I am not comfortable with to kiss me or take me to bed right away. Women like guys who take their time getting to know her mind first before graduating to the next level."

The whispering game

Why not be different when it comes to making the first move? Instead of kissing her right on her lips, try sharing a secret. "When whispering sweet nothings to your girl, speak in a sexy way as women tend to pay more attention to your tone rather than what you say. Deepen your voice, speak slowly and with conviction. Take care not to make it too dramatic," suggests Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues.

Mohit Malviya (name changed on request), 29, who works with a call centre in Gurgaon adds, "My girlfriend loves me whispering in her ear. It really turns her on. I think most women like men who are expressive and generous with compliments. So, I always make it a point to tease my girl by whispering something like, 'You look sexy tonight' or 'Want to go back home?' if we are at a party. It works for me."

Ears are an erogenous part of the female body. Murmured words have a greater impact than a high-pitched or loud voice. A soft and subtle voice is a sure shot way to turn on a woman," explains Garg.

Give her clues

Did you know that giving her clues or teasing her about having sex can be the first step to 'actually' having it?Unfortunately, some men tend to blurt out their sexual desires and end up portraying themselves as creepy. So, instead of being overtly direct in your conversation, try dropping sexual hints. For instance, if she tells you that you are good at driving, tell her you are good at several things and see the magic working for you.

Gautam Acharya (name changed on request), 28, an IT professional says, "I was madly in love with a girl whom I met at my gym. I was very attracted to her and we soon became friends. I proposed to her after a couple of months and we started dating. I knew it right from the beginning that she wasn't the kind of person who would let me get close to her too soon. So I started behaving as if she was trying to hit on me. If she ever asked me to drop her home, I teased her by saying, 'Oh! So you're trying to get too close to me?' She just loved it. And surprisingly, soon after she was the one who made the first move."

Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor opines, "Most women are hesitant to discuss sex with a man they are not comfortable with. If the man is too bold or turns the conversation directly towards sex, chances are he would lose her. So, it's advisable to take things slow and hint to her indirectly that you are interested in her."

Patience is a virtue!

Patience is truly a virtue when it comes to winning your woman. Teasing her in the right ways and keeping her waiting will make her want more of you. Keep her anticipating. Hold her as if you were just about to kiss her, gently move your fingers through her hair and then whisper tenderly in her ear, but don't kiss her just yet. Women just love men who possess self-control. Set the stage and hold back for a while. Don't be surprised if she grabs you soon after!

Nikhil Meheshwari (name changed on request), 32, who works with a telecom company in Mumbai confesses, "I firmly believe that patience is the key. When I am in the mood for some action, all I need to do is tempt my wife. I make the first move, turn her on and playfully leave it mid-way. And most of the times, she comes back to me, vying for more."

Namrata Chabbra (name changed on request), 26, a software professional adds, "My husband tempts me to turn me on. It's certainly a lot of fun. And I must say that one needs a lot of will power to be patient when it comes to making love."

Get naughty, play games

Look for ways to get closer to her – whether it's helping her learn a sport or turning on some soothing music and asking her out for a dance. Also, take care not to be too boring in your conversation – don't ask predictable questions. Instead of being a dud, ask her something like, "What's your zodiac sign?" Add something like, "You know what they say about Taureans?"

Vikram Motwani (name changed on request), 27, who works with a private bank in Delhi observes, "My girlfriend gets turned on with things I could never even have thought of. At times, it is a romantic dance in a crowded party or swimming together on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I try to find out new ways to get her in the mood and keep the passion alive."

"Most women love men who are unpredictable and experimental – somebody who is always willing to do different things to win her heart. This technique also helps couples from keeping monotony and boredom out of their relationship," adds Manmeet.

Meet at your place

Are you used to picking her up from her home and then dropping her there? Next time, try inviting her for dinner atyour place instead, saying, "Want to test my culinary skills?" But don't let her believe that it's 'only sex on your mind'. Accuse her of being naughty. Say things that can turn around the tables with her wanting to get into action, rather than vice versa.

Sharing his idea of a perfect date, Harsh Sinha (name changed on request), who works with a multi-national company in Noida, confesses, "There's no better place to get intimate with a woman rather than your own house, especially if you are living alone. I have tried it several times and my girlfriend feels more comfortable at my place than anywhere else."

Shreya Mehrotra (name changed on request), 25, who works in Pune says, "My boyfriend always plays pranks on me. He would pick me up from my place, tell me he wants to surprise me and would then drive down to his place. But it is fun being alone at his place. He makes me feel very comfortable and knows exactly what turns me on."

Take charge of her

Once the stage is set and you are ready for action, hold her tight. Often, women are insecure about getting too close, too soon. So, take charge and make her feel comfortable. Let your hands to the talking. If she's reluctant of you touching her, just gently hold her hand and place it on your waist. Don't be surprised if she takes charge of you from there on...

Rajiv Kamath, 30, who works with an IT company in Hyderabad says, "I think the best way to make a woman feel comfortable is to go step by step, rather than rushing. My wife loves it when I take the lead and take charge of her. Taking command of the situation and then giving yourself to her – is what works for me."

Psychologist Archana Nanda opines, "It's very important to make a woman feel comfortable before getting close to her. It is also important to take care not to be too demanding, too soon. Once, a woman trusts you enough; she herself will surrender to you."

Be a 'gentleman'

All said and done, don't force yourself upon a woman. Just because you are in the mood for some naughty action, doesn't mean that she is ready for it too. Give her ample time to believe that you are the right guy for her before taking things one step further. Once she is convinced, nothing can hold her back from falling in your arms.

Abhay Mittal, 35, a businessman adds, "It's important to be gentle with a woman. You can't just force yourself upon her until she is ready. What my wife appreciates most about me is that I give her enough space and time to get in the mood, rather than insisting on having sex. Sex should be mutual and not forced."

"Respect is inevitable in a relationship. Until both partners are ready for sex, it's unfair to impose things on him/her. It's also important to communicate your feelings or desires to your partner to strengthen the bonding between you," adds Archana.
Source: TOI

How to Know That U Luv Someone.......(Jus A Game.....But May Work)

12 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

TWELVE:
You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.

ELEVEN:
You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.

TEN:
You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away...

NINE:
You smile when you hear his/her voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.

SIX:
He/She is everything you want to think.

FIVE:
You realise that you smile every time you look at him/her.

FOUR:
You would do anything to see him/her.

THREE:
While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.

TWO:
You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.

ONE:
You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.

Is he/she your Love ?? .......May Be or May be Not........ ;))