Break-up blues?..............

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Break up is a word that has become synonymous with relationships. While some relationships are destined to crack with time, it's not easy to move on in life and get over a bruised heart. 

Sometimes, getting over a break up takes more than just a round of shopping or a pub hopping stint with your best buddies. We offer you some unique ways to mend that fractured heart. After all a little bit of out-of-the-box thinking doesn't hurt much, right? 

Start a blog : Jotting down your thoughts, and they can be on anything - from your ex's annoying habits to your most cherished moments are bound to give your sulky mood a 'feel good' makeover. You can also upload your best photos and think of the most outlandish captions to write beneath them! "I started blogging after I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. And in my first post itself, I took out all the frustration of my break up. It was immensely relieving because I was just dying to take my emotions out," says 24-year-old Prarthna Singh, a blogger for the last six months now. 

"Not just this, constant writing helped me analyse the things that went wrong in our relationship. The biggest support came from the readers who commented on my thoughts and suggested different ways to get over my chronic depression," she adds. 

Seduce someone your ex was jealous of : Remember the hot hair stylist or the raunchy bartender you nurtured the hots for? And it made you ex go red with anger each time you looked at them? Well, now that you are single and ready to mingle, grab the chance to fulfill all your flirtations that are bound to pay off and make you feel elated about life once again. Not just this, some harmless flirting may just increase your chances of getting hooked to a guy/girl you found attractive in the past. 

Besides, it might just make your ex go green with envy if they ever find the both of you together. "I wanted to settle all scores with my ex and tell her that I am happy without her. So, I purposely visited our common hangout and flirted with the girl my ex envied the most. I still remember the expressions of bewilderment on her face when she saw us intimately together. It was quite gratifying," says Himanshu Tiwari, a PR executive. 

Buy a pet : Nothing relieves stress more that an adorable kitten or a cuddly puppy. Cuddle up with them, play with them, or even talk to them, pets are there for you no matter. "The reason I am back to my normal self today is primarily because of my pet dog," says Sreedha Badola, a final year literature student, who recently got over a messy break up. 

"I think animals can sense it if you are depressed. My dog would sit with me all day and do whacky things like chasing squirrels to make me laugh," she says, adding, "They are the most innocent and unselfish beings on Earth and they are the best anecdote for depression." 

Join a dance class : Groove to the beats, especially when you are down in the dumps! If joining a dance class is not a feasible option, you can always plug in your I-pod or turn to the DVD player for a mood lift. It will not only pep up your mood, but also get you in shape, making you feel great about yourself. "Music is the best mood lifter one can possibly have," says Mayank, a BPO technician and a part time DJ. 

"Each time I play a peppy number, even the grumpiest of people, sitting quietly in one corner, put on their dancing shoes," he says amusingly. Our suggested dance numbers: 'Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne, 'Hollaback Girl' by Gwen Stefani and 'So yesterday' by Hilary Duff. 

Fix your favorite meal: When was the last time you dug into a sumptuous meal? It's time you treat your taste buds with something spicy and tangy. So, either take up the cook book or order something your have been craving for. Order Chinese, fix a steak, toss up some delicious pasta, or even gobble down packets of your favourite chocolate. "Delicious food offers not just a way to a man's heart, but also pulls you out of your blues. So, when my daughter called it quits with her fiancée, I made it a point to cook something special for her everyday. It boosted her mood and helped her recover," says Seema Rathore, a 53-year-old mother. 

Music + icecream + book : This formula works wonders if you're willing to try it. Turn on some soft, relaxing music, take out oodles of hot chocolate fudge and pick up a book that is stubbornly engrossing. How about a Dan Brown or Fredrick Forsyth bestseller? 

Throw away everything that reminds you of your ex : Better still, get inspired from Aditya (Shahid Kapoor) of Jab We Met and flush his/her photographs, letters etc down the drain. If not this, atleast get all the gifts, clothing, letters, and E-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memories, so be it.

Ultimate faith in the divine will...........

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Why do we pray? Some want health, others wealth. Some pray for the longevity of their parents, the safety of their children or that some Why do we pray? Some want health, others wealth. other desire of theirs gets fulfilled. These prayers, like all others, have power and energy that bring them to life.

The only difference between a prayer and a desire is that a prayer is directed towards God with faith. Faith plays an important role in whether the prayer is answered or not. But do we always know what is best for us? 

Suppose there is a new video game in town that every child wants. But this game is not without its dangers - it has gore, violence and profanity and might not be in the best interest of the child. But the child still wants it and repeatedly asks his parents for it. They may refuse a few times, but chances are that after a while, may give in to their child's demands. Not all parents will give in, but some will. So, the child's 'prayer' was ultimately answered by faith and perseverance. But is the video game good for the child? 

We ask God for things that we want, but are those things always the best for our spiritual growth? As the saying goes, 'be careful of what you wish for, because you might get it'. We may be intensely praying for things or relationships that may not be good for us. But the intensity of our prayers creates a vibratory ripple in the Cosmos that will have its answer, its result - the fruit of the desire seed. This is why it is important for our spiritual growth to let God decide what is best for us. 

When Jesus Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane on the eve of his crucifixion, he knew the fate he would suffer the next day. Though he was divine in nature, he was also in human form and naturally did not want to die. So, in Luke 22:42, we learn that he said the following prayer: "Father, if Thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my Will, but Thine, be done." Christ put God's will above his own. "Thy Will be done" is also part of the Lord's Prayer. This is the essence of faith in its truest and purest form. 

Putting everything into God's hands and saying simply, "Let Thy Will be done" requires a tremendous amount of courage. It requires a lot of faith. Because somewhere deep down inside your heart and mind, you wish and hope that the Lord's Will coincides with your own. But true and pure faith knows (not believes, because believing is not being entirely sure) that the Will of God is best for you. That is true faith. Like in the case of Christ, if he had not died on the cross, he would not have therefore been glorified through resurrection and thus his mission would not have been accomplished. So, his will in this case, would not have been the best for him. God knew what was best and since Christ said, "Let Thy will be done", it was done. 

At the same time it is fine to put your request before the Lord like Christ did when he said, "If Thou be willing, remove this cup from me." So you can ask God - "If Thou Art be willing then let Thy Will be done, not mine." This prayer - if said with utmost faith and sincerity and with the knowledge that God loves you and will do whatever is in your best interest - will yield the sweetest fruit.

Enjoy the present by shedding ego..............

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An average person always thinks he is above average. The perception of 'easy and The self with arrogance is ego difficult' is the result of one's state of The self with arrogance is ego being. 

Swatting a fly is 'difficult' for some, while killing thousands is 'easy' for others like terrorists. Dropping the ego is easy when we realise that we are less than a dot in this vast cosmos. It is foolish to live with the illusion that we are the centre of the cosmos. Dropping ego becomes difficult when we have this illusion. 

In any circle there is a centre and a circumference. If the centre of your life is hope then you will experience deficiency. If the centre of your life is enjoying the moment, living in the moment, being total in the moment... then hope will be a circumference... then it is not a problem. 

Let kitchen items be in the kitchen and bathroom items be in the bathroom. If they are placed elsewhere, then there is a problem. There is no problem with 'hope' as such, as long as it is in the circumference and not in the centre. Be alive to the present. 

The self with arrogance is ego. Self with the ignorance of who we are is also ego. Self filled with hopes and dreams is also ego. Ego lives either in the past or in the future, but never in the present. If its centre resides either in the past or in the future it misses the present. We are living in the world of ego... the 'lower self'. But if our centre is gratitude and devotion, then we live in the present. Both past and future become mere reference points. The 'higher self' is a space from which possibilities arise. It is a flow. It is a learning energy. It is an evolving being. You have the choice to operate either from the lower or higher self. 

When you operate from ego, your relationships will be affected. Ego wants to prove its point of view. The point of view is more important than truth or happiness. In that state, you demand and not command respect. If a couple demands respect from each other, then they are beggars of happiness and not givers of happiness. In the egoistic state, an argument feeds the ego. Remember no one wins an argument. You accumulate more of bitterness and at different periods of time you settle scores with the other. When you operate from the 'higher self', there is a healthy discussion. In discussion, truth is more important than who has said it. Happiness and well-being become more important than the survival of one's point of view. 

Then a relationship becomes rhythmic. You enjoy being with the other and you enjoy being alone. You are neither dependent nor independent but interdependent. You share your joyous being and not beg happiness from your partner. 

Identity is created by what others have said about us. If others have told you that you are a great speaker, then you feel you are a great speaker. So your identity is dependent on others. In fact, others create your identity. Others validate you. It is painful, as you have invested much on others. Your image is in the hands of others. The fact is, the real 'I' in us is not created by others. The lower self is a product of others, but the higher self is our essence. The higher self is a presence. It is awareness. We have not learnt to operate from that state of being. Hence, we are alien to ourselves. 

When your partner separates from you, you feel you are at a loss. Stop and look within. You find a higher self, God waiting for you. Learn to discover aloneness in a relationship and beyond a relationship. Aloneness is not loneliness. 

Operate from the 'higher self'. Operate from commitment and not complaint. Let your identity not depend on others. Don't settle scores with others. Create a bliss body and not a hurt body. Learn to expand others' comfort zones and not increase discomfort zones. Learn to convert a sexual act into a prayerful act. Create a learning and rejoicing family. Learn to be a good finder and not a fault-finder. Present your point of view and not impose your point of view. Focus on togetherness and not differences. Let a difference be a learning point and not a fighting point. Let us rise above differences than be victims of differences.

Flirt with boss for a hike...........

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One in five Brit employees won’t mind flirting with their boss in a bid to get a pay raise Office employees or promotion, a new survey Office employees has revealed. 

According to survey by an online dating agency Parship, men are more likely than their female colleagues to enter into a little sexual playfulness with women bosses. While 19 per cent of women admitted that they will use their charms to get on, 25 per cent of men said that they were willing to try it. 

On one hand, where over a third of men are actually attracted to their female superiors, finding them intelligent, self-confident, open-minded, and honest, with good communication skills, a sense of humour and a can-do attitude. 

On the other hand only 17 per cent of women agreed that they fancy their male bosses, a few even described them as ruthless, domineering know-it-alls. The survey showed that male employees were more in favour of an office romance with 57 per cent saying they would date a colleague. 

However, only 15 per cent of women think it is okay. "Perhaps women have learned through bitter experience that using one''s sex appeal to get ahead at work can backfire,” the Daily Star quoted psychologist Dr Nafsika Thalassis, Parship''s "singles coach", as saying. 

"Women who flirt with the boss risk having their bluff called. They are more likely to realise that flirting to get ahead will be disapproved of by colleagues. Men are less concerned that flirting will result in being cornered by their boss. 

"But they should be wary - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. 

"The fun of flirting lies in its maybe-I-mean-it, maybe-I-don''t playfulness, but it is often better to conduct relationships with absolute clarity," she added.

We'r Jus Colleagues............

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He doesn’t need hints to remember your birthday and he doesn’t end up gifting you shocking red sneakers when all you wear is sandals. 

He is well aware of your favourite colour and also whether you prefer cheese or mayonnaise with your burger. No, we are not talking about your boyfriend and it’s definitely not your husband, the man with whom you promised to tread the “for better or for worse” road. It’s your “office spouse”. Scratching your head on this? 

Well, this term has been coined to describe the new relationship phenomenon that’s developing among co-workers as women climb up the corporate ladder and work longer, harder, and in close proximity with colleagues of the opposite sex. 

The concept of an office spouse is new but not uncommon, and the phenomenon is increasing. Here is a person who understands your predicament at work, cares for you and meets emotional needs, going beyond the requirements of the job, and you can’t help comparing him with the man you promised to love and cherish till the day you die. 

“Though this term is very new to us, this phenomenon has been going on for a very long time. It’s just that we didn’t know what to call it,” says Sreyoshi Banerjee, a call center employee. 

Today men and women are working together as equals more than they ever did before, and this has changed the dynamics. Office spouses speak the same language: they get ‘inside jokes’, understand each other’s frustration with the job and internal bureaucracy, and can pick up work vibes, both good and bad. Bound by mutual respect, common interests, and a lot of chemistry (the kind that you have with your best friend), office spouses can read each other’s moods and minds and are each other’s closest confidants in the work world. 

“However, maintaining a healthy and non-sexual relationship with an office spouse can be tricky and sometimes detrimental to your real marriage,” cautions Sreyoshi. 

Of course, you are not cheating on your loved one, but then again, you do work closely with this colleague all day long, Monday through Friday — sometimes even Saturday — and in many cases, more than nine hours a day. You share your lunch with him and during slack hours, you end up talking about each other’s life and family. You know you can always count on him for anything, in sickness and in health. You share your thoughts, hopes, and ambitious dreams — there’s a growing intimacy between the two of you... Yet you’re not intimate. 

“I don’t know what it was that made me get very close to a girl I worked with,” recalls Rajan Mitra, a chartered accountant. “We worked together and in those days I felt very attracted to her. I think she felt the same and something would have developed between us, had she not moved out of the city. During this time, I started getting angry and irritated with my wife over small matters. I kept comparing her with my colleague and started losing interest in her. It’s a relationship which, if not reined in, may turn into an affair. Still, that’s not always the case, and a healthy office spouse relationship is between people who would never let it get there — who understand where the line is, and stay away from it.” 

Having someone at work who has an intuitive understanding of the expectations, duties, pressures, personalities, interaction, and work life in general, adds an invaluable amount of comfort on a daily basis. 

“Let’s face it. At work, there are so many ‘had to be there moments’ — most of them impossible to explain to your husband later in the evening. It’s usually all inside jokes, impersonations, and stories that seem insignificant, even petty, when told later in the day to someone who wasn’t there. Not only is it futile, it’s boring for your real partner,” says Ria Mukherjee, a mediaperson. 

As you walk the thin line between friendship and adultery, you try your best to keep it strictly platonic as you want to avoid a workplace husband. While an office spouse might be a great friend, a strong support system, and a shoulder to cry on, it can get risky. The rules of engagement, when it comes to the office spouse, are plenty. So, look before you leap!

Look good, work less?............

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It’s the eternal office mystery – why do the prettiest or handsomest people at work 55 per cent people in India and Brazil think you can get away with less work as long as you look good never sweat, are never in a rush, and never have bad BO 55 per cent people in India and Brazil think you can get away with less work as long as you look good when they come home from a hard day? 

There might be one answer, but believe it at your own risk – after all, it’s only skin deep. According to a Synovate survey on beauty, 55 per cent people in India and Brazil believe that good looking people can get away with less work. DT spoke to a few Delhiites to find out if they were part of the 55 per cent, and came up with some heartburn, and some stubborn belief in merit. Which of the two do you feel? 

Well, yes... 

The people who said yes, the lookers actually did get home earlier and get to have a life, blamed only themselves for it. “See, it’s not about how much work good looking people do or don’t do, but what other people do for them. 

Yes, the levels of acceptability are lowered for people who look pleasing,” admits theatreperson Aamir Raza Hussain. “I mean, if I had a pretty secretary who made a thousand spelling mistakes per page, I’d be more likely to explain things to her gently. If she were short, fat and ugly, however...” and he leaves the workday from hell to the imagination. 

Ad executive and musician Surojit Dev is not quite so introspective. “Obviously they do! Especially in a service industry, you do use your beauty and charm to get out of work. Even if the biologically blessed don’t actively use their charm, they know that it’s a weapon they have at their disposal. Typically, the office charmer, for instance, would not hang around with colleagues at the office, but would go out with them. ‘Oh, let’s discuss this over lunch’, or ‘Oh! Let’s go out for a drink’. It’ll be five minutes of work-related conversation and 30 minutes of chatting,” he says. 

‘Of course not!’ 

Fashion and costume designer Nikhar Dhawan chooses to see it as another kind of work. “Even if you’re working on your looks, it’s a kind of work, isn’t it?” she asks. “I totally disagree with people who think beauty can get you out of work. If you’re pretty and dumb, you can’t get anywhere. Appearance matters, yes. A shoddy guy wouldn’t be taken seriously. But as for getting away with less work, I don’t think so.” 

Coleen Lobo has also found the workplace quite fair, pun unintended. “That’s not really true,” she says of the survey’s findings. A marketing and communications manager in the hotel industry, 23-year-old Lobo says, “It hasn’t happened to me. The higher the expectations, the more I try to meet them and go beyond. How you look doesn’t matter.” 

Not very pretty insights 

There are those, however, who provide unusual insights into the issue. Ranjita Chaney, a 28-year-old art curator, says there might be a slight advantage, not because of looks, but gender. 

“I would say it’s easier for a woman to get work done,” she says. “Even if I’m pulled over by the police on the road, say, I’d get away with much more lenient treatment than a guy. In general, the fact that women are considered the weaker sex works in their favour. It tends to happen that way, not that you intend to use your gender to get away easily. And of course, if you dress decently, that matters. If I dress like a punk, I won’t be perceived as a serious curator. But beauty is not an issue. In fact, women are more competitive,” she adds. 

Shubha Menon, however, has seen so much of it that she can profile the serial work-shirker – she’s a bombshell. And yes, it’s a she. “Women do it more often,” says the ad exec. “She’s typically the one who’ll smile at everybody, flaunt pretty dresses, flutter her eyelashes at the boss... I’m not saying she’s dumb; she could be smart. She’s just a... better-looking smart cookie. I haven’t seen many men doing that, and women aren’t anyway as forward with good looking men than the other way round.”

Personality doesn't give success in love........

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University of Illinois researchers have found that measuring the quality of romantic Personality doesn't guarantee success in love

relationships is more complex than previously conducted Personality doesn't guarantee success in love personality studies suggest. 

Psychology professor Glenn Roisman and graduate student Ashley Holland say that while personality has been found to be predictive of perceived relationship satisfaction and success, other measures of relationship quality may offer additional insight into how a romantic relationship is functioning. 

“Obviously there are going to be strong links between how you perceive your relationship and how you perceive yourself. But maybe there are not going to be such strong links between how you perceive yourself and how well you actually interact with your partner,” said Holland, who led the research as part of her master’s thesis. 

“Our question was whether personality traits get reflected not just in how people perceive their relationships, but actually how they’re behaving toward one another – and how their bodies respond while they interact,” added Prof. Roisman, a co-author on the study. 

For their study, the researchers gave dating, engaged and married participants a questionnaire about their own and their partners’ personalities and the quality of their relationships. 

The subjects were asked to indicate where they fell on a spectrum of each of the “big five” personality traits: extroversion, neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness and openness to experience. 

This part of the analysis confirmed that how an individual describes his own personality characteristics corresponds to how satisfied or dissatisfied he is in his romantic relationship. 

The team also compared the self-reported data to that obtained by observation and specific physiological measures. 

Trained observers watched videotapes of study participants as they discussed disagreements and agreements in their relationships, and coded each person on his or her positive and negative behaviours, such as smiling or scowling, avoiding or making eye contact, and so on. 

All participants were given final scores that reflected the balance of positive and negative behaviours and attributes observed. 

The researchers also measured participants’ heart rate and skin conductance, a gauge of how much a person sweats, during their interactions. 

“Both heart rate and skin conductance have been linked to a host of important outcomes in interpersonal relationships, including the likelihood of divorce. It’s a problem if you need to inhibit yourself greatly while having a conversation with your partner about the kinds of things that you would ordinarily be talking about and trying to resolve in your daily lives,” Roisman said. 

The researchers found that the way the participants described themselves and their relationships was not strongly linked to how they behaved toward one another in the laboratory, which suggested that those studying relationships might need to look deeper than what individuals report about themselves and their romantic partners. 

“Romantic relationships are complex and multi-faceted, and, therefore, measuring the quality of romantic relationships should probably include a variety of approaches in order to get a more nuanced view of how the relationship is functioning,” Holland said. 

The study has been published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

5 Ways To Fall In LOve....................

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Hang Around Lots... but Then Be Unavailable

The more you interact with someone, the more they'll like you, says David Lieberman, a U.S. expert in human behavior. He's right actually. Several studies show repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (the only time it doesn't hold true is if our initial reaction to it is negative). So forget about being aloof, evasive, and unavailable in the beginning. Instead, find lots of excuses to spend time with him.

Now, pay attention, because this is the tricky part. Just when you're convinced you've won them over and they like you, start being a little less available. And then even less, until they hardly see you at all. You've now effectively instigated the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: people want what they can't have and by constantly being available, you diminish your value. If every time you walked outside your front door there was a huge pile of diamonds to step over, you'd hardly see them as precious would you? The law of scarcity only makes them want you. Be around and then not around and they'll want and like you. I'm stating the obvious here, but liking someone is important. We talk endlessly about chemistry, passion, sexual attraction, and even more about love, yet "like" rarely gets mention. Opposites don't attract long-term; we search for similarities in a partner. Most of us can't see the point in hanging around friends we don't like, so why do it with a lover? Liking someone is more important long-term than actually loving them. It's not just similarities in our personalities that count. If you go out with someone who looks like you, they're four times more likely to fall in love with you! "That's so true!" said a girlfriend, when I told her this trivia tidbit. "Look at my sister and her husband!" Umm -- why? Lisa's sister has bleached blonde hair, freckles, and ivory skin. Her husband is Indian. "I'm not quite with you," I said carefully. "I know it's not obvious," she said, "But it's the proportion of their faces. His mother came up to me at their wedding and said, 'They will be happy because they are the same. Look at them.' And it's true. They have the same features, in the same places, in the same proportions.

Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You

If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. To justify the effort or expense, we often over-idealize how wonderful he is to deserve it! End result: we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's all even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you very much like but aren't sure about yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him. You're much better off letting him spoil you.

Give Them the Eye

Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin set out to see if he could measure love scientifically and achieved it by recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other. He discovered that couples who are deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else dares to intrude. In normal conversation, people look at each other between 30-60 percent of the time. The significance of what's now known as Rubin's Scale is obvious: It's possible to tell how "in love" people are by measuring the amount of time they spend gazing adoringly. Some psychologists still use it during counseling to work out how much affection couples feel for each other. It also happens to be remarkably handy information if you want to make someone fall in love with you. Here's how it works: If you look at someone you like 75 percent of the time when they're talking to you, you trick their brain. The brain knows the last time that someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks OK, I'm obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA is a chemical cousin to amphetamines and is secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. PEA is what makes our palms sweat, our tummies flip over, and our hearts race. The more PEA the person you want has pumping through the bloodstream, the more likely he is to fall in love with you. While you can't honestly force someone to adore you if he's not remotely interested (they won't let you look into their eyes for that long, for a start!), it is entirely possible to kick-start the production of PEA using this technique. Try it. I think you'll be pretty impressed with the results. Give someone the sensation of feeling in love whenever he's with you, and it's not such a huge leap of logic for him to finally decide that he is!

Don't Look Away

There was another crucial finding from Rubin's research: The couples took longer to look away when someone else joined the conversation. Again, if you do this to someone who's not in love with you (yet), you trick his brain into thinking he is, and even more PEA floods into his bloodstream. Relationships expert Leil Lownes calls this technique making "toffee eyes." Simply lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when he has finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly -- as though they're attached by warm toffee. This technique may not sound terribly inspired but, believe me, if done properly it can literally take your breath away. If you're too shy to gaze openly, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who's joined the conversation, but every time they finish a sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you're interested in. This is a checking gesture -- you're checking his reaction to what the speaker is saying -- and lets him know you're more interested in him than the other person.

Practice Pupillometrics

We all know "bedroom eyes" when we see them: it's the look of lust. There's just one thing you need for bedroom eyes: big pupils. According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, this is the crucial element we respond to. You can't consciously control your pupils (one reason why people say the eyes don't lie). But you can create the right conditions to inspire large pupils and get the effect. First, reduce light. Our pupils expand when they're robbed of it, one reason why candlelight and dimmer switches are de rigueur in romantic restaurants. It's not just the softening of light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils also help. Scientists showed two sets of pictures of a woman's face to men. The photograph was identical, except for one thing; the pupils in one set had been doctored to make them larger. When shown the doctored photograph, men judged the woman as twice more attractive than when shown the real photo. It was repeated with a man's face and tested on women and gave the same result. Our pupils also enlarge when we look at something we like. Again, this can be proved using pictures. This time, researchers snuck a picture of a naked woman into a pile of otherwise bland, commonplace photographs then watched men's pupil size when they flicked through them. Without exception, the men's pupils expanded on cue. This means if you're attracted to someone a lot, your pupils are probably already big, black holes. All good. To ensure this is happening or to up the effect of your bedroom eyes, focus on the part of the person you like the most. (On second thought, better make it the next best thing.)

Discussin darkest F@Nt@SieS with your partner.... ??

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Is it always a good idea to discuss your darkest fantasies? Sashwati Sanyal Do you discuss secret fantasies with your partner? (Getty Images) 
finds out... 

Sakshi and Ravi had a 'blissful' relationship. But within two years they had to resort to a marriage counsellor. The problem was that while Ravi wanted to vent his sexual fantasies, Sakshi found them totally irrational. During the course of the session, Ravi confessed he desired bondage style of sex, while Sakshi found it extremely abnormal thus leading to fights and an unsatisfactory sex life. 
Tina Sharma, a professional also claims to nurture sexual desires beyond the bedroom norms such as to have sex on a deserted destination. "To think of having sex while in hiding is a mighty turn on. Once in my life I would definitely like to experience that pleasure," she shares. 

While experts say that it's healthy to nurse fantasies, most couples are shy about discussing them frankly with their partner. The fear of awkwardness and outright rejection is so strong, that they feel it's best to wrap up their fantasies and let them rot. Is there a way to live out your innermost fantasies. 

Use caution 
According to Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of the book 'Private Thoughts: The power of women's fantasies', it is best to be on your guard while testing risky waters. That's because too often, says Maltz, there's a lack of understanding about what it means to share our dark desires. To minimise misunderstandings, she suggests setting some guidelines before agreeing to reveal erotic fantasies. "Ensure you have a mutual understanding of each others' objectives. Are you doing it simply to learn about what each other's private sexual thoughts are, or are you creating a menu of the type of sexual activities you want to try, " she suggests. 
Says management student Gokul Sharma, "Sharing your deepest sexual fantasies requires a lot of trust. I often had to keep my fantasies to myself because my ex-girlfriend did not like trying them out. She would often come up with excuses of being tired and on more than an occasion refered to me as a weirdo. So I decided it was time to move on." 
Maltz points out that even when both partners willingly reveal their sexual fantasies to one another, there's no guarantee that the outcome will be a positive meeting of the mind or body. Psychologist Suparna Tiwari explains, "Often the content of our sexual fantasies could be quite a turn off. It takes a lot of love and patience between the partners to understand these fantasies, especially when it is beyond the norms of common sexual practices." 

On a lighter vein 
Here is a little tidbit to keep in mind. The next time you hear 'outrageous' sexual fantasies, remember that not all of it has to be taken literally. See these fantasies as an act of unburdening on your partner's part and respect them for that. States Amrita Choudhary, married and working with an MNC, "Ours was an arranged marriage, so it took me some time to open up to my husband. Initially, of course it was very difficult. I kept wondering what he would think about me. But fortunately, he simply heard me out one day. And since then I have had nights of sexual adventure." 
For others, talking about their sexual fantasies also clears a lot of doubts in their head. And for the Indian women it spells sexual liberation. "Women in our culture have been taught not to speak about sex. So most of them have had not-so-great experiences. But with the coming of age of the Indian woman, a lot of these desires have remarkably changed. Today, a woman can demand whatever she wants and enjoy her body, as well her partner's without taboo," says Tiwari.